Danny's Diatribes

B-E-A-S-T-I-E, what up Mike D. Ah yeah, that's me.

2012-01-25T17:44:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--No surprise that the best line of the weekend to sum up the football games belongs to Colbert, “Congratulations Giants and Patriots. Way to stick it to those dwarves and traitors.”

--One postseason passing record Tom Brady won’t be getting. He fell two games short of Brett Favre’s streak of 20 straight postseason games with a TD pass.

--I wish I had watched some of the short-lived Karen Sisco so I might have been in a bit more on Carla Gugino’s character on Justified. Not that Carla Gugino ever needs anything more than to simply appear on my screen. This episode felt a little more like a season one episode that was self-contained for the most part. I’m not complaining. It was a good story with some quality time for Art and a little time for Rachel. Quality time also for Dickie and Boyd which I don’t think Dickie was too fond of. We got the obligatory Boyd and Raylan scene that let Boyd get off, “Well now, Raylan, you’re talking to a man who’s sleeping with his dead brother’s widow and murderess.”
I liked the little outro-intro for Mykelti Williamson as Limehouse.
Oh and Guarnere! as the Band of Brothers connection continues in Kentucky.

--The AV Club with a long look at the “Stuck in the Middle With You” scene from Reservoir Dogs better known as the ear slicing scene. Reservoir Dogs had a long reign at the top my favorite all-time movie list and is still probably the movie I've seen more than any other. And every time I use a hand dryer in the bathroom I think of Mr. Orange’s cover story about the pot he had on him when he was in the bathroom surrounded by unknowing cops and a K-9. THAT is how you tell a story.

--While we’re on AV Club they’re doing another walkthrough a television season. This time with Alex Gansa who is one of the producers for a little show called Homeland. Real interesting and serendipitous story about how Damian Lewis got the Brody role.

--I thought the first episode of Angry Boys this week with Daniel’s punishment play date with the local gay teenager and Tim Okazaki’s overworked and depression diagnosis was good stuff. I need to find a GIF of when Momma Okazaki was going after Tim and stiff-armed her daughter in the process. I think next week are the last couple of episodes. It’s been okay, but far short from what I expected coming off of Summer Heights High. More Gran and less surfer dude and S.Mouse would have gone a long way.

--I finally caught up on Chuck as we enter Chuck finale week. I only need two things to happen in the finale. Sarah and Chuck to open up that red door to their dream house. And I need to see the Intersect destroyed. Thanks in advance. Oh and if Yvonne Strahovski needs to do the entire finale in body paint like her Sobe ads, well okay.

--More Kristin Chenoweth on National Anthems please.

--Big Balls of the Week Award goes to Costa Cruises which operated the ship that capsized in Italy last week. Their spokesman, "The company is not only going to refund everybody but they will offer a 30 per cent discount on future cruises if they want to stay loyal to the company."

--It’s a heartwarming story of a man with a dream named Aziz Ansari who was opening for a tardy Drake and had to deal with a crowd that booed him until a light shone upon Aziz and a single man come from out of the unruly crowd to say, “Shut the fu** up! Shut the fu** up! We got Aziz here, motherfu****. He's trying to make us laugh with his cock out, motherfu****. Shut up and let him do his sh**.” That man, nay, that hero’s name?
Cuba Gooding, Jr.

--Is House of Lies a character study? A comedy? A sex comedy? A satire? A drama? Entourage with college degrees? It bounces around a TV theme pinball machine without ever settling on a resting spot. I’m not sure what to classify it as except okay. I think Alcatraz also falls under the “okay” category.
I'm still pissed about how terrible Heroes got so I'm not giving Tim Kring's Touch a chance unless I hear Jack Bauer is setting up weekly perimeters. 24 - perimeter defense so bad you'd think Kevin Martin was a part of it.

--Wooderson!

--Not only do we get Spartacus back this week, but also the premiere of Fat Chef! Food Network has completed its transformation into MTV and History Channel. If you want shows that are centered around the actual names of the network you’ll have to go elsewhere. Thankfully Cooking Channel is Food Network’s MTV 2. Seriously, Fat Chef. The promos look like an Onion satire or some new Funny or Die.

--When I first heard about Moneyball being turned into a movie I thought there was zero chance it could be made into a compelling movie despite being a compelling book that I enjoyed reading. Then Brad Pitt and Aaron Sorkin came on board. Then the reviews were really good. Then I found out Chris Pratt was Scott Hatteberg. Then I raised my expectations, watched it and it still surpassed what I thought it’d be. I still don’t know why Paul DePodesta didn’t want his name in the movie, but Jonah Hill did a nice job with his role. Philip Seymour Hoffman as Art Howe on the other hand was a disaster beyond the obvious complete lack of physical similarities. I guess the filmmakers wanted a villain-type and made Howe fit the bill regardless of the facts and it’s not like the movie was straight off the book anyway.

--While we’re on the subject of baseball and the possibility of the Astros changing their name. Yawn. Who is actually taking that seriously? The way it got people talking about the Astros in January does give me hope about the intelligence of the newbies at Minute Maid.

--One rebound on Sunday was all that stood between Deron Williams and his first career triple-double. Can’t believe he doesn’t have one yet.

--Best WWTDD headline in a while: Vanessa Hudgens continues her erotic awakening. That’s a slideshow that even the most anti-slideshow activists can’t help but click through.

--I’m a sucker for re-cut television credits. This one for The Walking Dead.

--Damn you Rockets for being good and fun to watch. Lose Knicks lose.

--A Game of Thrones board game? Out-standing. Although finding enough people to play and understanding the rules while drinking like Tyrion may be problematic. The rules are a good read while not spoiling anything about the upcoming season of the show which can’t get here soon enough.

--I doubt anyone reading this read this post on houstonentree.com about the return of Southbound Food. However if you did and you clicked the link on Danny Vara you went to Danny Vara’s Facebook page. This Danny Vara has never been and will never be on Facebook. I don’t know why but Lance’s picture on that link cracks me up.

--A Dave Chappelle AND Chris Rock comedy tour?! I’ll take one with Aziz Ansari and Kevin Hart as well please.

Questions, comments or if you’re going to miss the GOP debates once they go away because all politics aside it’s just damn good television…

October 31st - that is my date of birth. I got to the party and I did the Smurf.

2012-01-21T13:51:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Oh just great, now I’m emotionally involved in the Texans. Sonuvabitch. It wasn’t ever supposed to happen again. Then that defense had to go get me all hot and bothered while Arian conquered Twitter and Temple Run and now I anticipate next season for the Texans more so than fantasy football and that’s a first. If Arian’s agent doesn’t get him a bonus if he crosses 15,000,000 on Temple Run then he’s not doing his job.

--Week 2 of House of Lies and still no underwear dancing from Kristen Bell. I am glad that Jean-Ralphio is playing Jean-Ralphio.

--I forgot what a playoff loss hangover felt like. So much more depressing than an alcohol hangover. Thankfully Raylan and Boyd snapped me out of it within five minutes of Justified’s premiere.

Raylan: It was well over 10 dollars.
Boyd: Well, now, if I found that kind of money I’d be in Mexico by now.
Raylan: Boyd, I’ve been to Mexico. I don’t think you’d like it.
Boyd: How so?
Raylan: …There’s a lot of Mexicans.
Oh damn I missed me some Kentucky. Beautiful bookend scenes for Boyd Crowder. In the middle Raylan was physically mortal, but that bullet last season didn’t hit his brain so there was zero doubt that in a battle between Raylan and Quinn from Dexter that the cowboy would prevail. FX shows even going back to The Shield usually get great guest stars, but Quinn (not bothering with his real name) wasn’t one of them. Neal McDonough/Buck Compton from Band of Brothers is. An expanded role for Jere Burns isn’t a bad thing either. Great start that hit all the Justified notes we’ve come to expect.

-- Burt: “You know Gator was a sequel?”
Archer: “Yes, I know that. I was talking about completing the McClosky trilogy.”
Archer and Burt Reynolds was a match made in heaven. Best television animated chase scene of all-time? Word. And that was with the long elevator scene and the discussion on the benefits of a fire pole installation.
Cheryl: “Just tape ‘em up.”
It was only a matter of time before someone created a tumblr of Sterling Archer Draper Pryce. Awesome.

--I suppose it’s almost time to start paying attention to college basketball. I guess this will be the year Pitt doesn’t screw me since I don’t fill out NIT brackets.

--After this week’s Parks I’ll vote for whichever presidential candidate changes the dictionary spelling of pratfalls to prattfalls because Chris Pratt deserves it after this week. I could watch that for an hour straight while listening to the guys menacingly voice “Bobby Newport” the entire time. Paul Rudd is a perfect entitled flake for Neslie Lope to run against.
Leslie: “That was me.”
Bobby: “How’d you do that?”

--Angry Boys took a step in the right direction with this week’s episodes or maybe it was just because Gran came back. Also a big fan of Jen Okazaki-Marinovich’s training methods. S.Mouse-rithmetic
One.
Divided by Two.
Equals
Three.
Divided by Four.
Equals.
Five.
Divided by Six.
Equals.
My Intellectality!

--What says Top Chef Texas like having the finale in Canada! Wait, what? This week was the best episode of the season even though it had zero to do with Texas. The challenge was to make evil dishes for the evil queen from the upcoming Snow White and the Huntsman. Charlize Theron plays the queen. Eric Ripert may or may not be the huntsman. Paul won this week because, well look at his enchanted forest.

--Headline: “Police: woman offered sexual favors in exchange for McNuggets.” Here’s the link to the story, but don’t bother clicking it. You can’t have a headline like that and not let the reader know what the exact “sexual favors” were and which favor corresponded to which size of the McNuggets order. Journalism continues to tumble. I mean here’s another headline that should be promising, “5 Year Old Accused of Stabbing 3 People Over Juice Box.” Yet nowhere in the article do we find out if it was a Capri-Sun, a Juicy Juice, Minute Maid, etc. If the juice is good enough to make a 5-year-old stabby then I want to know what juice it was!

--@Adam Schefter – “Only two of the 11 NFL head coaches hired in 2009 remain: Jim Schwartz and Rex Ryan. Other nine – nine! – each now fired.”
I hate it when teams don’t stick with their head coach. Glad we never had any doubts about Gary Kubiak, right? Right?

--Even though I knew Ryan Hansen (Party Down, Veronica Mars) was going to be on Happy Endings I didn’t recognize him with the soul patch and backwards baseball cap. How dare they cover up Ryan Hansen’s beautiful hair? Early top five moment on a comedy this year goes to Brad and his "Blackass" stunt complete with a black wee man, pudding and a crapload of mouse traps. Damon Wayans Jr. is outstanding. If he could have also been on New Girl I probably would have kept up with it.

--After having to suffer through Nickelback on Thanksgiving Detroit deserved a break and boy did it get it. Vanilla Ice will perform at a Pistons game on Totally 90’s night. Gonna have to look into a road trip because I’m pretty sure Detroit pays you if you decide to travel there. If you want to hear ‘Nilla talk about his vegetarian ways, real estate philosophy and his show on DIY then Vulture has you covered.

--Looks like the same ol’ Rockets. Damn. Not that I want the guys to lose. I just want them to not win. Makes sense, right?

--Ghost Rider 2. Hope you’re happy America.

--Our Florida Story of the Week comes to us from, well Florida. The highlights from Will Greenlee of TCPalm.com.
“‘I’m gonna burn yo (buttocks),’ Kathryn Ann Acluche told her husband, Ricky Thornton. Thornton told Fort Pierce police that his wife made the statement after swearing at him and calling him a narcotics salesman.”
Kathryn threw boiling water on Ricky. “Kathryn, Ricky said, got a phone and hit him in the mouth, busting one of his gold teeth…Ricky was searching for the tooth when an officer arrived.”
“Kathryn said Ricky called her a female dog and a prostitute and hit her before wielding a knife. Police spotted ‘weaves’ pulled from Kathryn’s hair on the living room floor.”
For some strange reason both of them were arrested. No word on the whereabouts of the gold tooth.

--New Sleigh Bells? New Sleigh Bells.

--There wasn’t already a brown M&M? Either way there’s a Ms. Brown who we will be introduced to during the Super Bowl. Try to contain your excitement.

--Who exactly was expecting something intelligent to come out of Marky Mark’s mouth? Or something funny and likeable to come out of Dane Cook’s mouth?

--If Modern Family had dropped all of the wedding stuff this week’s would have been my favorite episode in a long time. Phil auto-tuned. ‘Nuff said.
“The mainstream media doesn’t report on it because it’s not as sexy as feline AIDS.”

Questions, comments or if you hope you never have to watch Mario Batali spit food into Jon Stewart’s mouth again…

I'm Ad Rock And I Shock And I Tick And I Tock. And I Can't Stop With The Body Rock.

2012-01-14T13:55:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Maybe it's because as the week has gone on my drinking has increased, but I'm feeling more and more confident about the Texans taking care of the Ravens.

--Oh how I missed thee Pawnee. Note to self: Must acquire red carpet insoles. Yeah, we all knew it was inevitable Ben was going to be Leslie’s campaign manager, but this show is so damn good they can give us a kind of filler episode and still knock it out.
Anybody else in the mood for a calzone and “claymaysh” watch party? Let me know because I’ll try to book us a room at the Low-Cal Calzone Zone.
“Get on Your Feet!”

--I thought Paul Rudd to Parks was strong. Emma Stone on 30 Rock? Out-standing.

--You are really missing out if you’re not watching Happy Endings? I can’t think of a comedy on right now that has more rapid-fire hilarity than it. It’s pretty damn hard to keep up with all the one-liners especially when a racist parrot is involved. "Okay guys, well this might be a bad time to tell you guys I’ve never actually seen The Wire."

Even if you don't laugh 30 minutes of Eliza Coupe's legs ain't too shabby.

--The Baseball Hall of Fame voting process is pretty hilarious. It’s a time to reflect on names you haven’t heard in years. Like Bill Mueller who garnered as many votes (4) as Brad Radke, Javy Lopez, and Eric Young combined.

--I had the same smile on my face when the Jaguars hired Mike Mularkey as I did when the Jaguars selected Blaine Gabbert.

--“A Day in the Life” show following ex-Top Chef contestants? Probably better than Top Chef has been the last couple of seasons. Restaurant Wars was a letdown because I like the guys left and only Grayson is left among the girls I can tolerate so seeing the mostly bitchy girls win was disappointing. Also disappointing was the guys’ food. It didn’t have nearly the wow factor I expected and Chris continues to underwhelm.

--As I’ve mentioned before I was at one of LCD Soundsystem’s last shows in New York last year. It was amazing. The performance was great, but to think they put on marathon shows like that night after night for essentially a week was mind boggling. Obviously I can’t wait to see Shut Up and Play the Hits.

--Seriously, people who make a lot of money and are supposedly educated sat in a room and said “іRob! GREAT IDEA!"
"Can we get Cheech?"
"I hope so, he’s fantastic on Guy vs. Rachael Celebrity Cook-Off."
"You watch that, too?"
"Of course, it’s bananas AND off da hook."
"Ha ha."

--When I heard about Warrior I immediately heard MMA and didn’t think it’d be much of a movie based on all the other MMA-related movies I’ve seen. Then I saw Tom Hardy and Nick Nolte were in it and started hearing positive reviews. I finally got around to watching it and it was really, really good. The fight scenes were done well and it was nice to see the likes of Anthony Johnson and Kurt Angle in the octagon. Also in it is the lovely Jennifer Morrison who is the main character in Once Upon A Time. I highly recommend checking it out. The only thing that could have made it better would have been Fred Willard dusting off his Best in Show announcing hat to provide ringside commentary. Then again I think every time we have announcers for an event in a movie one of them should be Fred Willard.

--Nobody sums up food controversies better than Stephen Colbert. So of course he praised Papa John’s for its commitment to put “service before sensitivity” when they referred to a customer as “lady chink eyes.” Stephen breaking it down, “Calling her lady chinky eyes is no more culturally offensive than calling Papa John's Italian food.” Word.
But you know if I’m going to post a Colbert clip from this past week then you know it’s going to be the one with Mike D.

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

--We haven’t had a good ol’ fashioned Florida story in a while, but thankfully God created swans and Mr. and Mrs. Wynne created John. John was arrested for animal cruelty and theft for grabbing a swan by the neck at Lake Eola. No word on what the swan did to provoke John. Probably something all swan-like that we’ve let them get away with for far too long.

--Animated Napoleon Dynamite? Yawn. Bryan Cranston on Archer for its two-part season finale? Fu** yeah! Archer starts back up again next Thursday.

--When I wrote “Less Frank. More Fiona.” about Shameless earlier this week I forgot to include, “And no more Amy Smart’s character.” And I like Amy Smart.

----RateBeer.com listed its 50 worst beers as rated by people who like rating beers. At 50 is Tequiza. Wait, is this in reverse order? Now granted I’ve never had a Tequiza, but it’s 40 spots better than Bud Light Chelada? Bottomline is there are a crap-ton of terrible beers out there. Beers that I’ll readily drink in order to save at least 50 cents a bottle. Beers like Miller Lite (48) and Bud Light (11). Although I’d probably reverse those. My boy Lone Star not on the list. Michelob Ultra is number 5. Milwaukee’s Best is #4. Numbers 3 and 2 are Natty’s Ice and Light. Worst beer in the world? Olde English 800 3.2.

--Finally some interesting studies are coming on our way instead of ones that offer subjects and results that seem penned by @FakeJohnMcClain. Two separate studies have shown that the “more intelligent children grew up to drink alcohol more frequently and in greater quanitities than less intelligent children.” Greg at the Food & Wine Blog with perhaps the most accurate conclusion to be drawn saying smart people “booze so we can tolerate everyone else.”
Also a 20-year study (so it must be legit) found that marijuana doesn’t harm lung function nearly as much as tobacco and if use is a joint or a bit more a week then psshht your lungs are probably better off for it. At least that’s how I read it seeing as how those who smoke pot inhale deeply strengthening lung tissue. Also THC “helps fight inflammation and may counteract the effects of more irritating chemicals in the drug.” Science!

--There’s still a People’s Choice Awards? That’s cute.

--From Drudge: “Woman says wearing fake penis to work got her fired…”
Hmmm, maybe I’m missing something because that kind of seems like a fireable offense.

--If enough time has passed and you were thinking about giving The Killing another chance maybe knowing that its showrunner said we won’t know the murderer until the end of the second season is enough to confirm your previous decision to stay away.

Questions, comments or if you need to slow down on Pi Pizza Friday nights…

All you trekkies and tv addicts. Don't mean to diss. Don't mean to bring static.

2012-01-10T18:08:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--You were there or you watched on TV. Nothing else to add to the below…

--Actually I lied. One more thing. Where in the hell did “Whoomp There It Is!” come from at Reliant?

--I think Paul Qui is tired of taking names because he seems fully devoted to kicking everyone's ass on Top Chef Texas. Right now it'd be an upset if he doesn't win.

--A Bobby Flay and Giada morning talk show? The best compliment I could give that is I think it’d be better than The Chew. I think. I did try some of that Guy vs. Rachel celebrity cook-off or whatever. Five minutes in and I heard Taylor Dane refer to Lou Diamond Phillips as LDP and a sickly Aaron Carter work on a jalapeno popper macaroni salad. I know what you’re thinking and yes it is pretty amazing I made it through five minutes.

--Thanks to Happy Endings for this line next time I’m in an awkward conversation, “So, stamps went up again. Unbelievable.”
No thanks if they’re going to down an Alex/Penny/Dave love triangle.

--Guys please stop exposing yourself at Chipmunk movies and/or maternity stores. Seems like I shouldn’t have to say this.

--No thanks Tostitos talking bag.

--Nick Offerman writing an episode of Parks and Rec this season is good. Paul Rudd guest starring as Leslie Knope's opponent is great.

--Horrible Bosses is getting a sequel because uhhh, you know, nobody died during the filming of the original?

--House of Lies has Kristen Bell, Don Cheadle, Kristen Bell, Jean-Ralphio (likely not his real name, but he can’t forget anyone calling him by his real name), and Kristen Bell so obviously I’m in. I didn’t have high expectations, but it was all right. I’m not a big fan of talking to the camera unless you’re name is Ferris Bueller or Zack Morris so we’ll see how that plays out. Now how many more episodes until we see Kristen Bell dancing in her panties like she does in the preview teaser? And how did I miss that she's been dating Dax Shepard for years and they're engaged.

Oh God, and they're happy. Disgusting.

--Do yourself a favor and read how awesome this proposed Frank Darabont season two premiere of The Walking Dead could have been. That would have kicked ass.

--Gina Carano is in some surely terrible movie called Haywire with former respectable actors, but more importantly Gina Carano is in GQ.

--Summer Heights High, Angry Boys isn’t. I couldn’t have less interest in the surfer Blake’s story. But I’m loving the brain and skateboarding skills behind GayStyle Enterprises.

--Oh, so these aren’t good math questions for third-graders?
“Each tree had 56 oranges. If eight slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?”
“If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in one week?”
Some 3rd grade teachers in Georgia were trying to do some cross-curriculum activities and since the kids just learned about Frederick well there ya go.

--Less Frank. More Fiona. Thanks Shameless.

--It’s the start of the next rom-com, no doubt. Cop pulls over girl. Cop gives girl a ticket. Cop feels bad. Cop leaves note on girl’s car asking for a date. Girl files lawsuit. Wait. This goodness out of a Chicago suburb. Probably not a good idea to get a date by using your job to gain access to the love of your life’s home address. Girls are weird about the whole stalking thing. We need the entire contents of the note, but the article does give us this:
“It’s Chris…that ugly bald Stickney cop who gave you that ticket. I know this may seem crazy and you’re probably right, but truth is I have not stopped thinking about you since. I don’t expect a girl as attractive as you to…even go for a guy like me, but I’m taking a shot anyways. I did cost you $132 – least I can do is buy you dinner.”
No word if he added a :) at the end of that. I can only assume he did.

--Of course Toddlers & Tiara moms use Pixie Stix as “pageant crack” and mix together “go-go juice” for their kids. But don't worry as this six-year-old explains go-go juice is pretty awesome, "Go-go juice makes me laughy and play-ey, and makes me feel like I wanna pull my mommy's hair."

--Amazing Race meets Top Chef meets Curtis Stone meets Cat Cora. No thanks.

--Jim Rome doesn’t really make $30 million a year on radio, right? Right?

--Eastbound & Down is a little more than a month away. The trailers suck so let's just get a f'n speech from the man, the myth, the Kenny P.

--I’ve been seeing chatter (you don’t “see” chatter dumbass) about Floyd Mayweather against Robert Guerrero but thought it was just people being sarcastic about the type of fighter Floyd would take on next. But that was Monday. On Tuesday Floyd called Manny out on Twitter. What’s in store for Wednesday? I don’t know, but if I know Floyd he will tweet a picture of another $200,000 betting ticket because that’s what people with IRS issues and multiple lawsuits who are awaiting jail time do.

Questions, comments or if you can’t wait to start recording Southbound Food again this week...

What's the time? it's time to get ill

2012-01-04T17:32:00.000-08:00

Nothing To It, But To Do It

Look Houston, I know the Texans have lost three straight, that they’re down to their third-string QB, that you don’t have confidence in Gary Kubiak to tie his shoelaces without taking a timeout, that the Oilers have scarred your heart, but bottom line…the Texans are in the playoffs. I don’t care if it was inevitable with how crappy the AFC South turned out to be. The Texans are there. It’s what we as fans have always wanted. Sure it’d be nice if they were healthier, but dem’s da breaks. Just because they aren’t a threat to win the Super Bowl you’re not going to get excited about this? Twelve teams are still playing football. Twenty teams are not. The Texans are one of the twelve so I don’t see why the fans (judging by talk radio ((grain of salt)) callers) are kind of numb to what’s going down at Reliant this weekend. Maybe it’s just a holiday hangover because I’m fairly certain Reliant is going to be nuts on Saturday. Why wouldn’t it be? It’s the freaking postseason in our house. Finally. Save the doomsday, sky is falling attitude until after Saturday’s game is possibly lost. But until then let’s, oh I don’t know, crack a smile. Believe me, if I can crack a smile about the Texans then you can.
Texans – 20 Bengals – 13 and really I’m not even worried about it.

--Per @PFF_MikeClay – “My math says Texans were best in NFL against the in-line TE this season, allowing adjusted avg. TE to get 3 targets, 2 rec., 22 yds, 0.1 TD.”
And yet I’m every bit as scared of Jermaine Gresham making impact plays as I am of AJ Green. One more nugget from Mike Clay regarding Tampa's Mike Williams who did me right last year, but did me wrong this year. His numbers:
2010 - 122 targets, 64 receptions, 955 yds, 11 TDs
2011 - 119 targets, 65 receptions, 777 yds, 3 TDs

--Dulce de leche Cheerios? Honey Nut or beat it.

--If you hadn’t heard I’ve been kind of looking forward to Chris Lilley’s new HBO offering, Angry Boys, for a while now. Finally we got the first two episodes to cap off a New Year’s weekend. Promising stuff although I can’t imagine liking it more than Summer Heights High. Definitely liking Gran who I’m sure will alternate with her hilarious non-pc language with tug at your heartstrings genuine care. More Gran “gotchas” please.
Daniel and Nathan were okay.
We haven’t seen the Tiger Mom character yet, but S.mouse is going to break out like “Slap My Elbow” did. S.mouse son-father talks should be gold. I liked these first two and expect things to ramp up now that we’ve gotten some introductions out of the way.

--Those of you following the election coverage and all that you can stop now. Drudge Report headline: Mexican Grand Warlock predicts Obama loss in 2012.

--I have zero interest in reading “sample chapters” from George RR Martin’s next entry in the “Song of Ice and Fire.” Why read a chapter now and one in July when the book itself probably won’t be out for another two or three or however many years? I don’t know anyone who has read the series and is interested in reading these chapters.

--Cee-Lo doing "Imagine." Justin Bieber performing "Let It Be." 2011 could've ended worse. I'm thinking of how, but I'll come up with something. Oh yeah, Kathy Griffin took her top off. There ya go.

--The one thing about college football I won’t miss is the mad scramble to find the remote anytime Mark May is on the screen. I did like the good ol’ days when Trev Alberts used to b-slap May around the studio.

--The only RB to rush for at least 1,000 yards while averaging 5 yards a pop this season? Reggie Bush.

--Kinda weird that with all the ridiculous passing this season that only two WRs went for 100 receptions. Wes Welker with a stupid 122. The other landed on 100 exactly. Roddy White who had a league-leading 186 targets.

--Ape Donkey had a commercial girl draft that you can find here. Second round sleeper I like, the original Orbit girl Vanessa Branch.

A retro commercial boy draft and I’m thinking Jerry Sloan would be a lottery selection. Make sure you wait for the priceless Superman cameo at the end.

--I’m several chapters into the Arnold Rothstein biography I got for Christmas, but I’m glad the Boardwalk Empire Rothstein is pretty much a carbon copy of the real one. I still say a series centered around Rothstein, the rise of NY gangsters and Tammany Hall, etc. would be superior to Boardwalk Empire.

--I still haven’t gotten into RedBox, but I’m not exactly sad I didn’t get hold of these Top 5 RedBox Rentals of 2011. Just Go With It, No Strings Attached, Rango, The Dilemma or Due Date. Odds are good I will see one of those. Odds are very good you guessed it’d be the one with Mila Kunis.

--Sometimes the best discoveries of the year come in the final week of it, like Jalapeno Potato Pop Chips and Magic Hat #9.

--I’m trying to start to knock out documentaries I haven’t seen that are on Ape Donkey’s Top 25 and also on Netflix. Man on Wire fits the criteria and it was every bit as good as I expected it to be. Great direction that’s helped by a crazy ass premise and Philipe a crazy ass storyteller.

--A tumblr of 80s Baseball Players of the Day? Awesome.

--My question is what took Omar Little so long to get arrested in Baltimore?

--In Robbers Say the Darndest Things News we head to Provo where a 32-year-old woman was caught shoplifting. She pulled the “Do You Know Who I Am?” card on the cops and told them she played Rudy Huxtable from The Cosby Show. For some strange reason the cops didn’t believe her and Leah Davis was arrested. For good measure she also claimed to own the mall she was shoplifting from, also unsuccessfully. Does the guy who played “Cockroach” even play the “I’m the guy who played Cockroach” card?

Questions, comments or if you could use another couple of weeks of reruns to catch up on Netflix…

Things get hectic quick. From the satellite dish to your joy stick.

2011-12-28T16:40:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The first thing I’m looking forward to once we hit New Year’s Day? Chris Lilley’s Angry Boys that New Year’s Night on HBO. Vulture talkso the man, the myth, the Lilley.

--Pro Bowl voting isn’t worth getting upset about like say your meringue mushrooms not piping out of the bag in mushroom-identifiable shapes, but no one on Houston’s offensive line going to Hawaii is just ridiculous. Pretty funny that, as @ProFootballFocus pointed out, four players have been named Defensive Player of the Week after playing the Jets. But oh yeah, that team has two Pro Bowl offensive lineman.

--Finally saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes and one thing is for sure. James Franco’s neighbor has the worst luck. Also watched about six minutes of Apollo 18 which was about six minutes too much.

--Drunk of the Week comes to us from Riverside, Illinois. ‘Twas there that 19-year-old Howard Brundage first got his drink on, before then getting his burglar on. At about 2 AM a woman awoke to find Howard trying to break into her home. The police chased him, but lost him in the woods. This despite setting up one of 24’s patented “perimeters.” Search called off only to begin again hours later when Howard broke into a house. Howard must’ve been tired from running from the cops earlier because cops found him sleeping on the couch. He didn’t remember the break-in. So what was the last thing he does remember? “Drinking marshmallow-flavored vodka.” Sounds about right.

--By my calculations at this rate the Lakers will hit the All-Star Break about January 15th and the Rockets will hit the Break sometime in April.

--You know it’s a slow week for even the Internets when you come across the “Former Fresh Prince star verbally smacks Will Smith” story no matter what site you’re visiting. And calling the woman who played Aunt Viv a “star” is a stretch, no? What did she average? 35 forgettable seconds an episode?

--Moving Violations comes off of Netflix’s Watch Instantly on January 1st. You’re welcome.

--Couldn’t agree more with SI’s Richard Deitsch’s selection of Mike Mayock as his Sports Media Person of the Year. Although listing Joe Buck and Troy Aikman as Honorable Mention for his Announcing Team of the Year is highly questionable or maybe speaks to how much Aikman carries Buck. Best News Feature on a Sports Program went to E:60’s “The Wrestler” piece on Scott Hall. If you haven’t seen it then I’m not sure what you’re waiting for. It’ll make you reminisce, cry and not think about drinking another drop of alcohol...for at least two hours. A fascinating look at a man whose moves I still use whether it’s flicking a toothpick into the trash, pointing the arms and index fingers a la Hall and Nash or a simple “hey yo.” How that dude hasn’t died yet is beyond me, him and everyone who knows him.

--I’d like to think I’d try to return money if I found it. However, if I would ever invoke the overriding law of finders-keepers-losers-weepers it would be at the airport in Vegas. However, Mitch Gilbert is a better man than me. He found a couple of Caesar’s Palace envelopes at the airport and for some reason didn’t open them until he got home to Colorado. Once he did open them, bam! $10,000. He wanted to teach his kids a moral lesson and blah, blah, blah. The guy who lost the money reported it missing to the airport so he got his $10,000 back and better have given at least a 10% finder’s fee.

--Paula Patton is Alan Thicke’s daughter in law?!

--Congratulations to Kyrie Irving for establishing the worst field goal percentage for a number one overall pick in his first professional game. Kyrie went 2 for 12 (.167) in the Cavaliers opening loss. Kenyon Martin had the old record.

--In The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same news…Kelly Pavlik with a DUI on an ATV no less. Sad.

--Tim Duncan played in his 15th straight Spurs season opener. The only two streaks playing in one franchise’s opening game that are longer belong to Karl Malone and a Hakeem Olajuwon who between them have two rings.

--Wall Street Journal with a look at Olive Garden among other casual food chains. Interesting, if not sad, stuff.
"We don't use the word authentic," to describe the Olive Garden experience, Mr. Caron says. The chain prefers "Italian inspired."
Terms like “too culinary forward” to explain why a new dish can’t get on the menu is awesome.

--If you find yourself in Japan rest assured you can get a Wendy’s foie gras burger for $16.

--Did we really need a study to discover people are more likely to lie when texting than when face-to-face? However, we definitely needed whatever research went into finding out honeybees not only have emotions, but are generally pessimistic. New favorite insect. Wired with more of 2011’s Top Scientific Discoveries. Still no scientific word on why JJ Watt gets flags thrown at him without cause.

--I like the question Eater Houston posed to restaurant industry types on their dining standbys for 2011. A lot of El Real, Huynh, and Kata Robata in there. Mine for the past year were Café TH, Xuco Xicana, Kata Robata and pretty much any place with $2 Lone Stars. Places I expect to see on my personal list a year from now definitely include Pi Pizza Truck.

--“Exploding churros are newspaper’s fault, Chilean court rules.” In this, our South American portion of the Diatribes, we’d be remiss if we didn’t also mention how explosions are affecting Venezuela. So much so that its government is offering women free breast implant removals to avoid possible ruptures. Brazil is undecided whether to help or just let women pop until they drop. In a completely unrelated story I really need to watch Bus 174. I just hope there's a character named Lil Ze or Rocket.

--Damn you Heat! What have you done to our Shane Battier!?!? If you must see their intro here ya go.

--In hardly surprising news, prescription drugs have surpassed traffic deaths as America’s leading cause of death.

--Top 25 most brutal finishes in MMA from the past year? I'm in. Like the way they group them by categories. My favorite being "The Gruesome Submissions." If you hadn't heard Jon Jones is a bad man.

--Bravo to Braylon Edwards for outperforming Michael Scott when promising money to kids. In 2005 Braylon promised 100 8th graders that if they graduated with a 2.5 GPA and did 15 hours of community service that he’d give them $10,000 each. Seventy-nine kids met the goals and Braylon made good and then some to the kids. The Niners rewarded Braylon for his generosity by waiting until after Christmas to cut him.

Questions, comments or if your family knows you so well that you got a Los Pollos Hermanos T-shirt and an Arnold Rothstein biography for Christmas...

Well it's 50 cups of coffee and you know it's on. I move the crowd to the break of break of dawn.

2011-12-20T18:15:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Oddly enough I didn’t see one Jake Delhomme jersey with half Panthers and half Texans on Sunday at Reliant.

--Standing ovation for Damian Lewis and Claire Danes. Homeland had an excellent season and its fantastic leads along with Mandy Patinkin were big reasons why. Brody just knocked all of his scenes out of the park this week. Even his daughter Dana wasn’t an annoying part of the show like kids are 90% of the time. Now is there any way she would have been able to use a phone to call Secret Service to talk to her dad while he and some of the most important people in the world are sequestered? Ummm, no, but still that was one intense scene. And I loved how they got to the bunker with Walker taking out some people to create the chaos so Brody could pass through the metal detectors. Bravo. Walker patting his kidnapee on the head while he walked out was hilarious and the only time I think I laughed during this show the last couple of weeks. I’m curious to know if Brody detonates that bomb if they don’t get season two.
As for Carrie, wow. I’m still not sure why Saul sold her out like that. I guess to protect her, but I don’t know. It did send Carrie on her way to give Dana the magic cellphone. Either way when Carrie and Brody say their goodbyes I wanted her to kick him in the balls and tell him she knows he’s a terrorist. Instead electroshock therapy as she remembers Issa. Like I wrote, wow. I have no idea what role she’s going to play next season, but I can’t wait for the day she gets to tell everyone, “I told ya so.”

--I’ve written plenty about how terrible and at times just plain dumb this season of Dexter has been and the finale did nothing to dissuade me from my overall view of this season. However, though I didn’t like the rush job on Debra’s feelings and omg their scenes together in the finale were brutal, I did like that Deb finally saw Dex stick a knife in someone. It’s certainly an interesting jumping off point for the final two seasons of the show and that’s something.
So let me get this straight everyone was waiting for Dexter at a double-homicide despite the fact a serial killer was on the loose and every second counted? Okay, got it. Oh and Dex goes in, takes a cursory glance at the two dead bodies before going in the back room and seeing the Ghostbusters 2 painting up on the wall and somehow has time to take a hammer to said wall to knock out his face without making a noise that the “cops” already in the house could hear? Okay, got it.

--Damn nice to have The Life and Times of Tim back on HBO. “It wasn’t a strudel-baking class?” I hope we don’t too many weeks without seeing Tim’s old boss.
If you recall, Life and Times of Tim was cancelled only to be resurrected. Bored to Death was cancelled this week, but I’m not so confident it’s going to be resurrected. I stopped watching Hung in the first season, but it was also axed.

--Because clearly we haven’t learned the lessons offered by Terminator and Battlestar Galactica we now have pudding vending machines that can tell your age through a facial scan. Supposedly this is to prevent kids from overdosing and going into pudding shock, but I’m pretty sure it’s so the vending machines can weed out the threats and non-threats to their eventual uprising. In fact change “pretty sure” to “positive.”

--If you want to read about two game show hosts in The Netherlands that voluntarily ate a portion of each other’s bodies then you can click here. I, on the other hand, am going to click here and look at Buche de Noels I have zero chance of ever replicating.

--Our Florida Story of the Week combines with our Date of the Week. Michael Pratt took a nice woman to the movies. The nice woman didn’t heed the normal warnings of going out with someone with a spider tattoo on his neck and/or a red mohawk. When you combine those you get someone like Michael asking for the woman’s car keys because he forgot something only to wait and wait for him to come back, which he doesn’t. What he does do is laugh in your face when you call him while telling you he stole your car. This inordinately patient woman waited two days before calling the police. The car was a 2012 Ford Focus which seems like it shouldn’t qualify for “grand theft auto,” but unfortunately for Mike it does. No word on which movie they saw and if she stayed for the whole movie which are really the important parts of the story.

--What the hell is a “Yu Darvish?”

--One act I did not miss while the NBA was away...

--The Lions now have four wins this season in games in which they’ve trailed by at least 12 points. No team has ever done that.

--Oh America. “Widespread Obesity Forces Coast Guard to Lower Max Number of People on Ferries...”

--Yeah, I think this is good enough for National Geographic’s photo of the day. Of course, I’d probably say that about any photograph of a great white.

--Of course the Colts who hadn’t led in any of their previous eight games beat the Titans by two touchdowns while Dan Orlovsky threw for all of 82 yards.

--Headline I don’t need to click on because I assume it’s true: “Attention Spans Have Dropped from 12 Minutes to 5 Seconds.”

--Am I missing something about Jason Sudeikis? How does he go from January Jones to Olivia Wilde?!

She seems nice.

--I’d rather just change the channel when Craig James is calling or commenting on a game than having to deal with him making decisions affecting my state.

--Good luck Chuck.

Questions, comments or if you started P90X2 and all you want for Christmas is the body fat percentage of Dreya…

Dropping science like when Galileo dropped the orange

2011-12-17T11:53:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Somehow I forgot to post the new Game of Thrones trailer in my last post. After reading all the books Clash of Kings seems like ancient history. Ancient history I can’t wait to revisit. Game of Thrones graphic novels?!

--At this point it is beating a rotting horse corpse, but this past Dexter was the low point of the show. Calling in poisonous gas threats that are enough to get Homeland Security involved, but not enough to, oh I don’t know, track down the phone call tip?! So let me get this straight, this cold-blooded maniac Travis was all set to shoot Batista, but Quinn pulls up so suddenly Travis decides to start a fire around Batista?! Shouldn’t Deb have made Dexter take one of the numerous ambulances to the ER after the gas attack? And what the hell is up with a fancy dinner date mere hours after said attack at your own police department? Yes, Matthews and Deb I’m looking at you. When Matthews started out with his “you wouldn’t understand” spiel I nearly rolled my eyes so much they got stuck in the back of my head. Yeah, what does Deb know about loneliness what with two of her last three boyfriends being murdered. She has no idea how rough you have it Matthews. And Matthews somehow not realizing it might have been LaGuerta and not Debra screwing him over is just beyond me, but really it all is. If it wasn’t for Colin Hanks’ unintentionally hilarious “acting” I probably would have stopped watching a couple episodes back.
“Hello whore.”

--Best Christmas lighting I’ve ever seen.

--When Donnie Simpson used to close each Video Soul with, “Shoot for the moon because even if you miss you’ll be among the stars” I don’t think he was speaking to Chyna about her escort rates. I mean seriously $20,000 for a weekend with She-Hulk is so ridiculously overpriced I’d expect to see it in Neiman Marcus’ Christmas catalog. $3,500 for an hour?! Here's a SFW link that has her profile and by SFW I mean it's Chyna in a bikini so it might not be SFEyes.

--Not so shocking news…There’s a manhunt in Thailand for Junie Browning. Apparently Junie was involved in a bar fight and then a fight after he was taken to the hospital. In other words business as usual for Junie.

--“The Protestor.” Seriously, that’s what you’re going with Time? It’s only fair to release my ballot which they obviously didn’t consider. In order, TJ Yates, Jesse Pinkman, Gustavo Fring, Saul Berenson, Ron Swanson, and Ned Stark.

--You do not want to play f***, marry, kill with this photo.

--‘Tis the season for desperation as the threat level is orange for “loss prevention specialists” around our country. At a Fred Meyer store in Seattle an employee saw a guy try to steal several items. So the security guard tried to stop him. The robber decided he’d have a better chance to get away if the security guard was decapitated. So out came the hatchet and down went part of the security guard’s left ear. The robber temporarily got away as police do know his identity. No word on if they’ve dubbed him Mr. Blonde.

--This is the best link you’ll click all week if you ever watched Lost. Awesome. I miss that crazy island.

--Toys for lap dances. What took so long? Everyone wins.

--First, there actually is a University of Vermont. Second, it actually has fraternities. Fraternities are pretty much the same I guess wherever they may be. Sigma Phi Epsilon sent out a survey with such tasteful questions as “If you could rape someone, who would it be?” For some strange reason they’re in some trouble for that.

--Not that anyone cares about the Screen Actors Guild Awards, but seriously leaving Claire Danes AND Damian Lewis off for their respective drama categories is a joke. Bigger joke? Dexter nominated for dramatic ensemble. Uhhhhh…
Then again maybe that’s not nearly as insane as leaving Parks and Recreation off comedy ensemble. Worse, is that Glee is included.
Of course the Golden Globes couldn’t be left out of such foolishness. Drama Series and American Horror Story and Boss get in over, oh I don’t know, Breaking Bad or Friday Night Lights?!

--HBO Family must have heard I was planning to watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes tonight because it's doing an Apes marathon today. I watched the first two and seriously what in the hell was going in Beneath the Planet of the Apes?! As soon as I thought okay I'm following they start peeling their faces off. Thankfully Linda Harrison/Nova kept her face.

--Julianne Moore is a nice looking actress. Julie Ann Moore is an Amarillo teacher. If you get them confused just remember Julie Ann is the one who allegedly had sex with a 15-year-old during halftime of a high school football game. There, now you can tell them apart.

--I don’t think there should have been any doubt, but The League is getting a fourth season.

--Pitchfork, Hitfix and Stereogum sneak onto my Christmas card list for putting M83’s “Midnight City” at the top of its 2011 Song of the Year lists.

--Russell Brand a late-night talk show on FX. Yeah, that won’t last long.

--Top Chef recap up here on Ape Donkey. I found it interesting that in the photo album on Bravo.com for the episode they show the chefs drawing knives to divided into two-person teams for the Elimination Challenge. Of course what we saw was some b.s. your partner is standing next to you crap so the producers could get Heather and Beverly on the same team. Weak. And if the producers were willing to do that did you think for a second they’d kick off the drama couple? Of course not.

--Why wouldn’t you click on a “Where Are They Now?” for 90210 bit players? It’s a slideshow? Oh, well that’s a good reason. But how else would you find out that Steve’s editor at The Beverly Beat is married to that Aussie food guy Curtis Stone? How did I not put it together that two former 90210’ers were in Starship Troopers - Casper Van Dien and Dina Meyer. Had no idea Casper married a real-life princess and did a Lifetime show about it cleverly titled, I Married A Princess.

--Our Florida Story of the Week comes to us from, um, Florida. 27-year-old Jonah Troutman is homeless, but thought he had some good luck after finding a credit card on the side of the road. So Jonah did what I think we’d all do if we were homeless and found a credit card. Right, he went to nearest nail salon and got a pedicure. For some reason when Nancy’s Nails ran the credit card it was declined. Whoops.

--Death by wisdom teeth surgery does not sound like fun. Until reading this I had no idea that wisdom teeth extraction was part of the dental game that could be the subject of a Michael Moore documentary. Sounds like a bunch of bs. That’s why I haven’t been to the dentist in 15 years. That and obviously I’m an anti-dentite (you knew that was coming).

--Which is more stupid: trying to get through airport security with marijuana or tweeting about it afterwards including pictures of said marijuana along with what was essentially a get out of jail free card from the TSA? Rapper Freddy Gibbs is the lucky idiot. I do like how the TSA wrote “c’mon son” on the notice of baggage inspection they gave him. Pretty sure whoever wrote that will get a promotion. But seriously you’re going to tweet all that?

--You’d think a fatal stabbing of a woman by her husband at a Wal-Mart would be reason to close down for a few hours or the day. Ha ha ha ha, yeah right.

Questions, comments or if you finally hit up Pi Pizza's truck for the 420 slice (tomato sauce, cheese, corn chips, bbq sauce and spicy wing sauce) and loved every second of it...

Saw the convertible driving by. Loaded up the slingshot and let one fly.

2011-12-12T17:24:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Thanks Texans. There’s still work to be done, but just thanks. Oh and STFU Jamie Dukes. “Act like you been there Texans fans.” Huh?

--Keep up the good work NBA.

--Community definitely went out in style. As soon as I heard it was doing another Christmas special I thought there was zero chance it could live up to last year’s animation episode and then I heard “Glee spoof” and I thought instant classic. I need to watch it three or four more times because those hilarious lyrics were coming fast and furious. We had “Jehovah’s Secret Witness,” “Baby Boomer Santa,” and of course my personal favorite Annie’s “Teach Me How To Understand Christmas.” Wow. Annie took it from funny to sexy to awkward to “What’s a diminwishin weturn?”

Troy – “Glee literally means glee.”
I wanted an Abed and Troy tag before the hiatus, but “Carol of the Bells” with the Dean, Magnitude, Chang, etc. was strong.
Damn I’m going to miss this show. It’s been my personal favorite comedy since they figured out early on what worked and what didn’t. I just hope NBC NBC’s all over itself so Community will be back for a fourth season.

--If you didn’t cry at the last five minutes of Parks and Recreation this week you have no soul. Also I’m pretty sure that if you don’t make marshmallow Ron Swansons then Santa isn’t coming to your house.

Leslie - “Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose.”
“Strawberry margaritas! Another use for salgar.”
Jean-Ralphio – “So I just leave by the same door I came in, right?”
Raffi or Dennis Feinstein I guess – “Treat him like you would treat a person in another country that you paid $25,000 to hunt.”

--Ronald McDonald. I can’t believe it took seven seasons before we found out Mac’s real name. And if any television show or movie needs a fantastic lushy girl then Mary Elizabeth Ellis/The Waitress/Nicki Potnick is your girl.

--Balls. I think that sums up Boardwalk Empire’s season finale. You gots to have big TJ Yates-sized ones to put a bullet or two or three into Jimmy Darmody’s head. I guess it had to end that way after everything Jimmy did or tried to do to Nucky, but to kill off everyone’s favorite or second favorite (after Richard) was just something I did not see coming. And to have Nucky pull the trigger while Jimmy is telling him everything he felt after his first kill. Fantastic scene, at the war memorial no less. Terribly sad to see Jimmy give up like that and resign himself to his fate when we all know it should have been Margaret in front of the barrel of that gun. Well maybe that’s harsh, but I really hate seeing Jimmy go. The guy was manipulated from day one and enlisting in the war didn’t exactly help his mental health. We liked the bond he had with his fellow veteran Richard and I really wonder where Richard goes from here. I wonder where everything goes because this show just got a lot less interesting to me. Yeah, watching real-life players like Capone, Luciano, Lansky is entertaining and Van Alden in Capone’s backyard of Cicero has possibilities, but I don’t know. Jimmy’s death feels like a punch in the gut right now.
That punch to the gut aside it was one outstanding hour of television that had the storyline power to go along with Boardwalk’s requisite great acting, direction and sets. Terrific montage with Esther’s opening statement backdropping all the action she’s completely unaware of that is unraveling her case as she speaks.
Solid interview by Alan Sepinwall with Boardwalk creator Terrence Winter. Happy to see that Manny will be back.

--Based on the short previews I think it’s safe to say I won’t be watching Veep or Girls on HBO.

--Brody strapping on a bomb vest prepared to send people to their deaths? Interesting. Brody making my Carrie cry last week and then tattling on her this week. Brody, you sonuvabitch!! Now you’ve gone too far.!! This show has done such a great job with these characters that watching Carrie fall apart the last couple of weeks has been brutal. Watching Saul find out just how fine a line there is between semi-crazy Carrie and full blown crazy Carrie gave Saul a look of “well that explains A LOT” on his face the entire time. I’m not sure what the hell is going to happen in the finale or what characters will even be around for a second season, but I can’t wait to find out.
Carrie – “I wrote a 45-page manifesto on how I reinvented music. The professor I handed it to escorted me to student health. I wasn’t in his class.”

--Always love the holiday shows Anthony Bourdain does and so if Monday’s Holiday Special has Christopher Walken in it, all the better.

--Regionals!

--Kind of like this idea I saw someone tweet Matthew Berry about…putting the non-playoff teams in a loser bracket for the following year’s #1 pick.

--If you were somehow unaware Jon Jones is a bad man. A very, very bad man. I guess that’s what Lyoto Machida gets for actually touching Jon. A year of beating on Bader, Rampage, Shogun, and Machida is a pretty damn good year. Hard to imagine that he’s only going to get better. UFC 140 was a solidly entertaining card that had everything from Jon’s incredible performance to a 7-second knockout by Chan Sung Jung of Mark Hominick to Tito getting his body cracked on to Frank Mir’s out of nowhere kimura on Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira.

--Hiding $140,000 worth of meth inside of big cans of nacho cheese sauce and jalapenos? How very Los Pollos Hermanos.
In ~~Florida~~ Oklahoma we get another enterprising meth cooker. Elizabeth Halfmoon was kind of broke so she did what I think any of us would do. She went to Wal-Mart at noon and for the next six hours tried to cook meth right there in the store. Eventually security caught on and she was busted right after mixing sulfuric acid and starter fluid. Admittedly she said she’s not very good at making meth.

--Time’s James Poniewozik ran through his Top 10 TV Episodes of 2011. It’s a slideshow, but I’ve saved you the trouble. Merry Christmas.
Really not a lot to disagree with as it hits on an episode from each of my favorite shows with the exception of Homeland. Game of Thrones’ finale was at 10. Man I can’t wait for April. “Bloody Harlan” at 9. Apple pie. The Bill Buckner episode of Curb at 8. Probably would have made room for something else here. South Park’s “You’re Getting Old” at 7. I don’t watch every episode of South Park, but really liked that one. Next up “Fancy Party” from Parks and Recreation. I probably would’ve gone with “Harvest Festival,” but what I’m going to complain about April and Andy’s wedding? Community’s awesome “Remedial Chaos Theory” is at 5. Obviously there could have been a few different episodes of Breaking Bad on this list, but he limits it to one episode per show and his one Breaking Bad is “Crawl Space.” No argument here except I would have put it before the next two. Louie’s “Duckling” episode at 3. Lifetime achievement award for The Office with “Goodbye Michael” at 2. Personally I liked the episode he proposed to Holly better. And the top episode of 2011? The series finale of Friday Night Lights, “Always.” I teared up just typing that.

--American Psycho needs to be remade because???

--Jason Lane was signed by the D-Backs as a LHP?!

Questions, comments or if you need divine intervention from Marshawn Lynch and Seattle's defense, but you traded Tim Tebow so you're probably just SOL…

“Boopy Doopy Boop Doop Sex.”

This Is A Type Of Kinda Like A Formal Dedication. Giving Out A Shout For Much Inspiration.

2011-12-07T17:43:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--This seasons of Sons of Anarchy has been okay to me. A lot of crazy, contrived things happening, but we hadn’t seen any consequences which is usually what a season finale is for and after previously Sons finales my expectations were above-average. Before the opening title sequence even rolled I knew I was not going to like this Sons finale. Really in the “previously on” as soon as they showed Romeo assuring Jax that the feds didn’t have Bobby I assumed Romeo was on Team Law Enforcement like we’d all begin to suspect the last couple of weeks. Then they pull up to Potter’s operation and essentially end the season. A season which was a HUGE waste of time. Seriously you had some damn good acting performances, but they were all neutered as soon as Kurt Sutter decided the only consequence this entire crazy season would have is Jax becomes President. Clay lives? Whatever. I mean seriously what a f’n copout. This is a guy who killed Jax’s father, beat the sh** out of his mother, tried to kill Jax’s wife and did kill Opie’s father a member of SAMCRO and oh yeah ordered the murder of Opie’s wife. That guy still gets to sit at the table and vote. Really?
Juice is free and doesn’t have a care in the world, well except for the fact he was a rat and killed a member of SAMCRO and he did try to commit suicide, but at the end he says he’s good so I guess we’ll just forget about all that. Potter gets his legs taken out from under him by the CIA, but decides to stop Charming Heights? Uhhh, okay. Otto, well I guess Otto’s deal is off, who knows? The only guy who made any sense was Opie and thank God he didn’t show up at the table at the end. Hopefully Opie starts his own show. Hey, has anyone seen Piney? Oh I’m sure he’s fine and still in the cabin. And really Jax you’re going to put the letters in the garage?! And of course right where Gemma can see. Can we please be done with the letters already? Don’t even get me started on the worst music montage in Sons history. Not that it was a bad song, but seriously Bobby with a guitar?! Tara and Jax recreating the Gemma and John picture? Ugh. At least when Jax visited his father’s grave the “SO” and “NS” rings weren’t still on…you’re f’n kidding me the rings are still on the f’n headstone?!?! Everything was so contrived beginning with Tig running over some Oakland crimelord’s daughter last week to set up next season’s conflict. Just terrible Sons. I thought you were better than this. I think I’ll be back for next season, but really for what? What’s going to change besides Jax sitting at the head of the table? Nothing, at least judging from this non-season.
The best summary is what AOL TV’s Maureen Ryan had to say about this finale, “All in all, I was willing to accept certain contrivances this season, if the show repaid us with a game-changing finale. This was not a game-changer. It was a formula-embracer.”
Yup.

--I'm just a little excited about Community's Christmas Glee-spoofing episode this week. Just a little.

--Writing of formulaic I came across an interesting(?) theory online that I’ll repeat here regarding the intern on Dexter so if you want to be completely shocked like you were (not) at Gellar, look away…or scroll down, yeah, scroll down is better. Theory is that the intern is the Ice Truck Killer’s son and Dexter’s nephew hence the intern’s fascination with the Ice Truck Killer and Dexter both. Although what kind of sense does it make for this guy to show Dexter, whose wife was killed by a serial killer, his newly created serial killer game?! I guess it could shake things up with the intern/nephew finding out Dexter’s secret, but Deb really needs to. Not that I have any confidence in the writers, at this point, to create a good direction out of any of this. The writing and specifically Dexter’s narration has been atrocious this season. Dexter is always narrating the overly obvious and it’s never been more clunky than this past week.
Is Travis’ conversation with Gellar with Dexter looking and listening in from the church basement the worst scene ever on Dexter not involving LaGuerta?
I will give credit where credit is due and Jennifer Carpenter was great as Deb this week. It can’t be easy being in charge of the most inept police department in the country.

--I’m not saying Chrissy Teigen is a magician, but she did somehow make former Next Food Network Star contestant Kelsey tolerable on Cookies and Cocktails. I watched 45 minutes of it before I realized I had watched 45 minutes of it. Good God Chrissy is mesmerizing.

--Brunchables. Awesome.

--It took me way too long to come across this World War II photo retrospective from TheAtlantic.com. Here is the Pearl Harbor entry. And here is the Allied Invasion of Europe. Picture #24 is something I’ve never seen depicted much less in a photograph. Canadians getting off their ship on D-Day with their…bicycles?

--Brad Penny and Karina Smirnoff. Engagment. Off. Sorry you had to find out about it this way.

By law since I mentioned Karina Smirnoff's name I have to show her in a bikini. I'm nothing if not a law abiding citizen.

--In Florida Being Florida news we have the mother of Spurrier Urban Reilly wanting to change her kid’s name. Okay. Maybe she’s seen the error of her ways. Yeah, maybe not as she only wants to change the middle name of Urban since he’s now at Ohio State.

Questions, comments or if you have $1.50 coming to you from Ticketmaster…DID YOU BASTARDS THINK I WOULD FORGET?!?!?!?!

For Such A Long While There's Been Such A Longing. But Now The Sun Is Shining Let's Roll Back The Awning.

2011-12-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Regardless of one of the outcomes, the crowds last Saturday and Sunday were the best I’ve ever been among and nobody even resorted to justifiable homicide of the referees at Reliant.

--The Texans are the first team since the 2003 Titans to win three straight games with three different starting quarterbacks. The Tennessee trio? Billy Volek, Steve McNair, and Neil O’Donnell.

--That was one of the best non-theme episodes of Community ever. Nothing too gimmicky. Wait, is Jeff and Shirley playing foosball in anime and Abed as Batman gimmicky? You know what I mean. Jeff and Shirley with an assist from animators and the Euros had my favorite plot this season. Foosball…with a past. Terrific stuff from Big Cheddar and Tinkletown. Shirley can disappear for episodes at a time, but this was perfect for her and it was perfect for Nick Kroll’s awesomely ridiculous German accent. And that anime sequence, bravo. Clever, funny, sweet wrapped up in some nice morality – Community at its best.
I will literally have a heart attack if I ever see three guys team up to pull off that foosball kick in real life.
I really need to hear Annie do some commentary in Christian Bale’s voice. I also need more Leonard frozen pizza reviews.
One more left before hiatus (sigh).

--We all had an “I sat in gum” guy in our group of friends at one point or another, right? And because every occasion has its own national day I did just google “National Sat in Gum Day.” Alas, no dice. We’ll have to make it December 1st then by default. We’ll also have to make December 1st National No Sexual Harassment Day. Just call in sick ladies.
Andre and mixology go hand in hand so everything dovetailed nicely into a reverse intervention with Andre looking like a “Deadwood character at a Justin Bieber concert.” Line of the night for sure. Although Ruxin was on fire culminating in, “It feels like I’m wearing a tiny hat.”
Nick Kroll your Thursday night MVP.

--Best Sunny moment? Mac stealing the motorcycle for about 10 seconds.

--Another week, another dynamite Homeland. Or I guess I could have gone with “explosive" but that would have been cheesy, so I'm glad I stayed away from that. Anyway, yeah we have a mole so that reveal might be disappointing, but the season has been so damn good anyway. Can’t wait to see how these final two episodes play out.
Not sure what kind of sense it made to have the Vice-President stand outside for a mini press conference a day after a terrorist attack in D.C…unless the VP is the mole!!!
You’re not officially lonely until you use a ruler to spread peanut butter.

Carrie has a ruler and peanut butter set at home, in the office and 90% chance in her car.

--As for Boardwalk Empire (shivers). We all knew what was coming and once it got there it was just as disturbing as we figured it would be. Gillian sure knows how to f up a kid. All that creepy vibe once they got back to her room leading up to the, “There’s nothing wrong with any of it.” Wow, and it was nice to get some blanks filled in on Jimmy’s life before the war. Oh and then Mommy gets choked, Jimmy gets speared, Commodore gets stabbed. Did I mention the heroin? Heroin. It took a while to get to the action parts of the Darmody family tree, but I’m not complaining unlike a certain Mrs. Schroder I know who likes to complain, complain, complain all the time. Seriously Margaret, STFU.
Van Alden = fugitive. Nice.

--When a 7-year-old kicks a bully in the balls it’s not called justice, it’s called “sexual harassment.” At least according to this school in Boston. Bravo.

--Saracen/Zach Gilford is getting married, but not to Julie/Aimee Teagarden therefore I close my eyes, cover my eyes and go LA LA LA LA LA I can’t hear you People magazine! Fine. Wait, he's engaged to Nikki of Lost "Nikki and Paulo"?! Has there ever been a couple with more of a disparity on the fan favorite spectrum?

--Madonna at the Super Bowl. There’s really nothing funnier to say about that than simply those five words.

--The Broncos are the first team in 55 years to win five straight games without completing more than 10 passes in any of them.

--THIS. IS. AWESOME.

--A James Murphy documentary filmed at LCD Soundsystem’s last show at Madison Square Garden?! Out-standing. I was at the final show at Terminal 5 before the final shows at MSG and it was so good I even remember some of it. A true mark of greatness.

--In I’m-Old-Very-F’n-Old news…Ken Griffey Jr.’s son, Trey, is an All-American. He hasn’t decided on a school yet.

--Maybe it’s because I don’t use Yahoo’s search engine, but Kris Humphries was ahead of Hope Solo in Yahoo’s 2011 most searched athletes list. Danica, Tiger, Pacquiao were the top three.

--Drudge Report Headline I Won’t Click – “Woman arrested for performing abortion---on herself!”
In an upset this is not a story from Florida.

--In what is surely an upset or at least due in some part to the Lions resurgence Detroit is not our nation’s saddest city. No, that’d be St. Petersburg which doesn’t even have 162 games of Astros baseball. Detroit is No. 2 followed by Memphis, which I can vouch for. Tampa and Louisville round out the top or bottom five with Las Vegas at 10 because some people can’t figure out how to gamble. The 10 Happiest Cities? Who cares? Screw ‘em and their happiness.

--In this week’s Movies-That-Don’t-Need-A-Remake…Starship Troopers. Just leave it alone. I’ve professed my love for Starship Troopers on here a thousand times before so I’m just repeating myself when I say it might, MIGHT, be Casper Van Dien’s best work.

--Netflix, but for toys?! Well played, Toygaroo.com.

--I would love/hate to be in a boat circled by a great white. I probably would have said nothing but oh sh** and fu** repeatedly like these guys.

--The biggest Thanksgiving controversy at Casa de Vara was Coke going to white holiday cans. This led to many men and women violently spitting out cola they were under the impression was regular with all the high fructose corn syrup and sugar God intended for the perfect soda . Now Coke is saying whoops, our bad and we’ll get regular Coke back in the regular red cans. Too f’n late Coke! People I know, people I love accidentally tasted and/or nearly consumed diet coke and you can’t just forget that. The tongue doesn’t forgive the sting of DIET!! Merry f’n Christmas.

Questions, comments or if you traded Tim Tebow and now you're positive he's going to kick your ass the first week of the playoffs...

People How You Doing There's A New Day Dawning. For The Earth Mother It's A Brand New Morning.

2011-11-30T15:51:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Let’s finish this Coogs. Sugar Bowl vs. Michigan. They scare easy.

--Tara/Maggie Siff is really crushing it this season in her scenes on Sons of Anarchy. This was a great episode for her even if you’ve grown tired of her and Gemma fighting over Jax’s soul as it were.
Tara – “I’m smarter than you, Gemma.” Word.
Everything is set up for a helluva final hour though I think I may be disappointed because all this Clay has to die talk makes it feel like Clay isn’t going to die. Like I wrote about last week, having Opie not put a solid kill shot in Clay from that short a distance is just weak. Hell Jax can weave in and out of traffic on his bike while shooting a driver dead. And that’s
what I hated about this penultimate episode. Tig. Tig who was super pissed at Clay suddenly blames himself and thinks the best course of action is to take blind revenge on the Niners like that?! I just thought Tig was smarter especially since the Donna fiasco and especially since the SAMRCO is kind of involved with some heavyweights as it is and just had to settle things with RPGs not so long ago. Obviously his actions were made worse ten fold since he killed Leroy’s girl. I just wasn’t buying it and then Jax tells Tara for the 12th time that they’re definitely out, definitely out, but first let me shoot a gun in lots of traffic and kill someone right after I caused a car accident and stole a motorcycle chasing Opie.
Best part? Happy – “He’s gotta die. Like, a lot.”
I don’t know what’s going to happen next week, but something is rotten in Denmark with this sting. Romeo not having information about Otto flipping is suspect. And I’m scared that as kick ass as Tara has been this season that the Niners, and not the cartel, may have something in store for her.

--Very strong closing scene, but all in all I think it’s been a general waste of a first half of this season of The Walking ~~Idiots~~ Dead.
Sophia was as boring as a walker as her mom is as boring of a character.
WTF was Dale hiding the guns for? Like most everyone he’s become an annoyance.
When they eventually leave the farm I hope Maggie goes with them. She’s one of the few characters the writers seem to have a good grip on and the only female character that doesn’t come across as annoying and/or eternally whiny.
Still waiting to be persuaded to not root for the zombies.

--Real-time World War II twitter feed? I’m in. Tip of the hat to @bzygo's tweet that has me following something actually somewhat productive.

--OMFG!!! What a s-h-o-c-k on Dexter this week. Who could have possibly foreseen something as far out of left field as that?! Game. Changer. At least we have the LaGuerta cover-up and Quinn’s downward spiral to keep us entertained. Oh and can’t forget the creepy lab intern. Seriously you’re Miami Metro and it takes an intern to speak up and let these supposed detectives know they can trace an IP address like that’s some kind of technological breakthrough in 2011?! Just a terrible season that I imagine would be made much worse if I wasn’t cooking during it.

--Damn. Just when I was starting to like Angela Darmody.

--Gotta love this GQ list of 25 Least Influential People Alive. It’s a slideshow so obviously I’m not clicking through, but any list that contains Gwyneth Paltrow, Pitbull, Bobby Bonilla, and Paul Reiser on it is a list worthy of respect…just not 24 click-throughs.

--Kind of a filler episode of Homeland this week with my personal highlight being the end when Leonard Cohen’s “Everybody Knows” started playing. Cohen goes great with this show.

--I “watched” The Tree of Life. I had no idea I was supposed to be on a hallucinogen for the first half of it. It was like Planet Earth and Universe combined for something that would have been terrific as part of a laser light show. As it was it was a good movie. Or it wasn’t. How the f should I know? None of it made any sense.

--Maura Tierney to The Office is enough to make me watch again. Just kidding.

--Thank the baseball gods that the Tal Smith/Ed Wade era is over. “We Fired Ed Wade!” has to be the front-runner for the Astros slogan next season. It’s shorter than “It Could Be Worse…No Really, Give Us A Second And We’ll Tell You How…Wait, Where Are You Going? I've Got One...Umm...”

--Flight of the Conchords movie?! Finally a stage big enough for a battle between Rhymenocerus and Hiphopapotamus.

--I’ve made maybe one dessert the last five years and that’s a Busche de Noel, those chocolate log cake thingies. I’m just not big on sweets, but a homemade Butterfinger recipe that calls for the use of Cheez-Its?! Oh hell yeah, you best believe I’ll be leaving Butterfingers and milk out for Santa this year.

--If you own the combination of Rivers to Gates, well it’s been a rough season. However, they did hook up for a TD last week (YOUR ONLY ONE PHILIP!?!?). It was the 46th time they’ve done that to break the record for QB to TE TD combination. The pair whose mark they surpassed? Yep, Carr to Joppru…I mean Bledsoe to Coates. If, like me, your first thought was Manning to Clark, they’re at 44 and counting?

--Beanie Wells went nuts with 228 rushing yards last week. It was the first time a Cardinal has led the entire league in rushing for a week since 2002. Here’s $10, tell me who that Cardinal was. ‘Twas none other than Thomas Jones.

--Louis C.K. back to Parks for a bit? Poor guy can’t catch a break in his love life no matter what show he’s on.

--Yao and Elvira both announcing plans to distribute their own lines of wine this week. Coincidence? Well, yeah.

--I hope this rumor about HBO making Storm of Swords two seasons and filming both seasons back-to-back is true. Can’t wait until Thrones is back in April.
EW getting me all hot with this breakdown of how the Thrones DVD set is shaping up.

--Dude seriously watched Julie & Julia 365 times over the course of a year. At least he recognizes the silliness/stupidity/absurdity of it.

--I can’t recommend hitting Phoenicia downtown enough. Once you buy your Armenian string cheese and pitas sit your butt down at the MKT Bar for some bites and a solid beer/wine list. Queso without Rotel sounds sacrilegious, but it’s damn good.

--If you cheat on your boyfriend tattoo artist with his best friend and then are dumb enough to ask him for a tat on your back you deserve whatever is coming. Even a tat of a pile of poo.

--In a scam that seems ripped from a Sunny episode a trio in (I hope you’re sitting down) Florida made about a million dollars off of people scared of the new federal regulations regarding septic tanks. For just $199 they offered Septic Remedy treatment so that their septic tanks would pass the inspection. If the rubes didn’t want that they could get specially designed toilet paper in some cases more than 70 years worth. Eventually the group was busted, but I have some of their products and for a limited time only I’ll offer the toilet paper at wholesale cost so you can pass the inspections once the EPA comes knocking on the door next year when the regulations take effect.

--RIP Patrice O’Neal

Questions, comments or if you need to borrow some good behaving kids to go see The Muppets…is good behaving kids an oxymoron…

What's the Time?

2011-11-23T13:41:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--That was one helluva weekend of sports even with the Dynamo falling to the Galaxy. And who knew David Beckham played for LA? As good as the football was, and it was good, nothing was better than Dan Henderson and Shogun Rua waging war for five rounds. Incredible. Simply incredible. The only thing possibly better last weekend? “Aw fu** it.” Classic.

--I guess I have to see how it plays out a little, but I’m not in love with the idea of Brody being a bad guy after all. More than just the swerve, it’s that now apparently Brody wants out of the terrorist plot. It just seems like once you’re in on something like that, you’re all in. It just didn’t come off well to me, but the major problem I had with this episode was Walker’s wife. Warning her husband like that was beyond weak. Now the kids have a terrorist dad whose picture is splashed everywhere, ya happy? I didn’t care for that or for the inept FBI search. Shoot to kill? Ummm, why? Don’t you want Walker alive to interrogate? Oh no, he’s armed. Aren’t you wearing vests? And of course the shooting happens in a mosque. I just thought it was a misstep episode that I hope is just a blip. And I really hope that we’re done with he’s a good guy, no he’s a bad guy, no he’s a good guy twists.

--I liked the way Rick found out about Lori and Shane proving not everyone on The Walking Dead is a big dummy. I’m ready for Shane and Andrea to go ahead and leave. Andrea who after a couple of lessons can hit moving targets in the head. But this is what infuriates me the most the last couple of episodes. Didn’t Otis and Shane run out of ammo on the medical supply run to the high school? So where exactly did they find a cache of weapons and ammo so that now everybody can shoot until their trigger finger bleeds?! Wouldn’t bullets be, oh I don’t know, kind of vital in a post-apocalyptic world? Or is the bullet-making barn another building on Hershel’s farm that our group isn’t curious about?
Please get off that f’n shooting gallery/farm already.

--Elisabeth Shue to CSI? I’m not in, but I’m as close to DVR’ing a CSI as I’ve ever been. If Lanie from Dream A Little Dream turned down my marriage proposal then Chris Parker from Adventures in Babysitting was my back-up, mostly because she could sing the blues.

--DeSean Jackson, master of the humble statement, “People don’t understand the light I bring and shine on my teammates.”

--Please start flexing Monday night games. The first week of December fans should not be subjected to San Diego/Jacksonville and St. Louis/Seattle.

--I might not like the way we got to some of these conflicts on Sons of Anarchy this season, but that was one intense hour. Of course how could it not be since we knew that Opie knew Clay blasted his father with a shotgun. The rest of the episode was okay and Kurt Sutter/Otto has really crushed his scenes all season, but it felt like filler until we got to Opie vs. Clay. And we got there all right. Jax’s chasing of Opie was lame, but Opie looked like a GD renegade superhero with his hair flying in the wind as powered down revenge lane. Looooved the way Opie kicked the door open on Clay to get the upper hand just like Clay did to Piney at the cabin. Pop, pop is Clay gonna drop? Was that blood? Was he wearing a vest? Dead? Wounded? I can’t imagine he’s dead. I can imagine he’s badly wounded and the Irish who aren’t so fond of Jax pull out of this cartel meeting since Clay can’t be there. Jax loses his payday, Clay may or may not lose his place in the club since Bobby is now in jail, but Potter doesn’t get to bust the meet. That or the meet continues on and sh** gets crazy. I hope it’s the latter.
Amusing that Walking Dead’s Andrea can fire off kill shots to the heads of moving targets while Opie can’t put a lethal bullet into a sitting target seven feet away?

--Seriously, how awesome are the Justified teasers during Sons the last couple of weeks?

--Congratulations to Vince Young for being the first quarterback this season to throw three interceptions yet still have his team walk off the field a winner. Teams were 0-24 up to that point.

--Obviously I’m a Donald Glover mark so I’m liking Childish Gambino’s “Camp.” The story on “That Power” is a big highlight. But his “Weirdo” Comedy Central special exceeded my expectations. Little Hitlers – “There’s just something about racism when it’s tiny.” His very compelling AIDS vs. Babies debate. Crackerdick. Home Depot – Where kids’ dreams go to die. Good stuff.

--Really cool little 6-minute mini-documentary on “The Umbrella Man” on the scene the day JFK was assassinated. It's been at least 10 years since I've read a JFK assassination book and that's just too long.

--Add Alison Brie to this trip with Aziz Ansari, David Chang, and James Murphy and you have my dream vacation.

--The Soup is moving to Wednesdays at the end of this month?

--April 2012 cannot get here soon enough.

Season 2 - In Production

--I’m going to be spending a lot of time at the downtown Phoenicia.

--Would have taken me awhile to guess Pitt as the school that now has the current longest streak of an alum scoring a TD on an NFL weekend. Pitt’s down it 13 weeks straight. Miami’s streak ended at a ridiculous 149 weeks.

--Way too much information from a managing editor of Canada’s Huffington Post? I don’t know her title. Point is she experimented with vodka soaked tampons because, I assume, she has A LOT of free time…and is an alcoholic. Your move local news reporters.

--Chris Lilley’s Angry Boys cannot get here soon enough. A little introduction to all the characters here. You want to click it.

--Terrific food-centric interview with Ron Swanson/Nick Offerman from LA Weekly.
SI: You learned not to eat everything on your plate, but I understand Chris Pratt, who plays Andy, just goes all-in.
NO: Chris is a man of many immense talents, none of them greater than his ability to consume comestibles. His digestive system is a gaping maw. And he has such an enthusiasm about eating. Chris can take a bowl containing 10 servings of pasta and, with two fistfuls, make it disappear. He can do that six takes in a row. I've also seen him eat, and this is not an exaggeration, eight slabs of ribs in about three hours -- with absolute glee. He's an amazing human being. Truly a specimen worth studying.

--It took a while, but thankfully in time for Christmas Three Amigos on Blu Ray is coming out.
El Guapo: "Well you told me I hve a plethora. And I would just like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: Forgive me El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?

I know the lyrics to "My Little Buttercup." Why don't I have more friends?

--“More victims come forward in ‘Fix A Flat’ butt injection case.” – That can’t be good.
I’ll be very disappointed if Fix A Flat doesn’t come up with a good ad campaign out of this.

--Yeah, I wish there was NBA play to watch Wednesday night as I cook all evening, but Rockets/Knicks Game 6 on Fox Sports will do just fine, actually better.

Questions, comments or if every Thanksgiving you’re reminded how when you were in school you only got off Thursday and Friday and nowadays, when kids are clearly dumber, they get the entire week off…smdh…yeah, that’s right mdh…

Cause nobody can do it like Mix Master can. Come on now.

2011-11-19T06:46:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Matt Leinart, huh? I have no idea what to expect from him and I don’t see how anyone could since he hasn’t played in forever. Here’s hoping he’s average because average and the Texans are in good enough shape to still get a home playoff game. A Texans home playoff game AND a College Gameday at Robertson in the same football season? There is a God…and he obviously hates Houston sports teams so get ready for something catastrophic soon.

--Just think how many games the Astros can lose in the American League!!!

--Sons was kind of a letdown this week with the exception of Potter/Big Otto’s talk and the final scene. If Opie gets killed while Clay skates I’m going to be pissed for a lot of reasons beyond the show losing a great character like Opie. I’m having a hard time believing Jax could look at his mother’s face and not smack Clay at least one time on principle alone. At least Tig took offense while the rest of the club turned the other way.
I like Drea de Matteo and it’s nice to see her, but don’t we have enough sh** going on already?
The Joosh storyline still doesn’t do anything for me.
Poor Lem. Poor, poor Lem. A grenade and a mine, “You gotta be sh***** me” is right.
Ryan Gosling was great in Lars and the Real Girl, but Tig and the Real Girl would’ve owned Oscar night.

--I’ve yet to really be letdown by Homeland. Seriously if next season they just want to send Brody and Carrie around the nation getting drunk and committing vigilante justice then I’m all for it. Damian Lewis and Claire Danes are fantastic when they share the screen. Their heart-to-heart was as intensely calm (if that makes sense) a scene I can remember lately that didn’t involve Gustavo Fring. I’m glad we finally got back to the explanation about Brody’s finger movements that spurred Saul to give Carrie some rope in her surveillance on Brody. Brody sure knows how to deliver a “fu** you.”
No real Saul is a terrorist red herrings this week so that’s good.
As for the swerve with Walker being alive and the terrorist (or one of), works for me.

--Juan Manuel Marquez looked terrific against Manny Pacquiao. Who expected that kind of performance after finding out JMM stopped drinking his own urine?! Just imagine if he had continued that scientificlly proven training method. I had Marquez winning, but I guess could be talked into seeing it Manny’s way by a point, but no more than that. Here’s hoping there will be a fourth. And gotta love Freddie Roach talking to the Coogs Friday night.
Couple of other Vegas-related thoughts. The Hilton’s football theater is outstanding for NFL Sundays. Faye Reagan is hot even with her clothes on. Video greyhound racing, that’s a thing. When you turn $7 into $150 on video blackjack don’t walk away, run.

--Andrea from The Walking Dead is really moving up the Most Annoying Character on TV chart. I’m going to have to start reading the comics because the TV show is losing me a little.

--Sarah Silverman and Jeff Goldblum on The League did not disappoint one single bit. Best Thanksgiving dinner table scene ever. Sorbet. Shakespeare. Taco continuing to eat. Sorbet. Then Goldblum plowing Silverman. Fantastic.
Heather - “Remember? Here’s the church, here’s the steeple, open up the doors and eat all the people.”

--“For what it’s worth I think you would make an incredible brunette. Ron Swanson.” Not the usual awesome sauce Parks and Recreation, but that final scene with Leslie and Ben in the world’s smallest park was excellent.
Loved these lines from last week:
Ben – “I didn’t really do a Model UN in high school…oh wait, I SUPER did!”
Leslie – “What are you going to do without tides Peru?!”

--Kamala had a leg amputated?! Scariest one-legged man on the planet. I always wanted to go as Kamala for Halloween, but then there’s that whole people might take it the wrong way and if I didn’t have a Friday there to explain my costume I’d be screwed because as Kamala I’d be mute.

--I think you know what state we’re talking about if we’re talking about a high school math teacher taking money to improve student’s grades. Jeff Spires was the teacher and he took up to $40 to change some quiz grades. To his credit he didn’t take $200 to change a “B” to an “A” so he wasn’t totally crooked. Florida Public Schools – Not Totally Crooked. You can have that one for free Florida.

--Solid and sweet, if not always hilarious, Community this week. Dean Pelton was outstanding and you had superstars like Luis Guzman, Jeff Garlin, and Awesome from Chuck.
Obviously I’m not a happy camper about the news that Community will be replaced mid-season. Community does have a cult audience and ANY show would have and will get slaughtered in the ratings opposite The Big Bang Theory. But I trust NBC knows what it’s doing because this is the network that will now give us an hour each week of Whitney and that Chelsea Handler show. What I’m saying is I hope NBC is getting used to looking up at Univision in the ratings.

--The only reason I won’t crush NBC for this Munsters remake is because it has a Pushing Daisies writer behind it.

--Unsurprising Headline of the Week: Sour Candy is Almost as Bad for Your Teeth as Battery Acid.

--Stephen Colbert with the best advice regarding kids and their use of vodka-soaked tampons or butt chugging.
"A very important advisory to my teenage viewers: Do not do this. It is very dangerous. And for God's sake, if you soak your tampons in tequila, don't salt the rim." Truer words.

--Drudge: 1 in 4 Women Take Medicine for Mental Disorder.
I won’t rest until it’s 4 in 4.

--Tilapia ceviche? C’mon Top Chef between that and store bought flour tortilla enchiladas, well let’s just say less of Chicago and more of Texas would have been a good thing. Full recap up on Ape Donkey.

--In a story I’m sure you’ve heard by now a certain Tina Marie Arie and Howard Windham were arrested at a Montgomery County Whataburger earlier this week. Howard couldn’t handle his downer drugs and was passed out at the restaurant with a bunch of pills in his pockets. Tina had some pills on her as well, which was unfortunate for them because the cops showed up. So off to jail they go, but along the way the cop looks in the rearview mirror and doesn’t see Tina’s head. He pulls over to see what’s up and she says she was just resting…with Howard’s di** in her mouth. Is that frowned upon? Now mind you they both had handcuffs on behind their backs so how they were able to unbutton and/or unzip his jeans is one for Unsolved Mysteries. A spokesman wasn’t sure whether the jeans were buttonfly or not. Love that a police spokesman addressed that.

--I liked what Boardwalk is setting up the for the final few episodes as even Angela’s scenes didn’t annoy the hell out of me this week because I found the little counter-culture stuff interesting. I’m not sure why Jimmy who has never underestimated Nucky is now underestimating him and being dismissive when Eli brings it up. Seemed a little out of character, but he was out of character from the point Nucky “gave up.” I don’t know why Jimmy hasn’t paid Horvitz the $5,000 yet either. Surely he has it.
When Arnold Rothstein speaks, people listen. The manure line while talking to Meyer and Lucky was gold as was his “do nothing” talk with the old-timers.
Can’t wait for the inevitable 3,000 Tommy guns to come into play. I assume it’ll be the reverse of Sons where our guys sell guns to the IRA.

--I know it’s my fault because I continue to watch (for the most part), but Showtime renewed Weeds for some reason. They really need to announce that this is it. Not that I think it can be salvaged at this point.
In very related news, Dexter has been renewed for a couple of more seasons.

--Hunter Pence and Playmate Shannon James. I think the trade is agreeing with him.

--“You look like Keri Russell after she ruined Felicity.”
“You look like John McEnroe’s sister.”
“You look like a Quaalude dealer.”
Happy Endings is the highlight of Wednesday nights.

--First Community and now The Joy Behar Show! Apparently her show was on for two years. If you say so.

Questions, comments or if you’d like to once again thank Oregon for a lovely weekend a week ago...

Girls with curls and big long locks. And beatnik chicks just wearing their smocks.

2011-11-10T15:44:00.000-08:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Works out great that the Texans open date coincides with the Dynamo and Galaxy going for the MLS Cup. Great win from Dom and company without Brad Davis for the bulk of the game against Kansas City, excuse me, Sporting Kansas City. That and a 31-3 home loss to the Dolphins couldn’t have made for a very pleasant Sunday in KC.
By the way you want to take five minutes out of your day and watch Brian Cushing on Sound FX.

--High-five Glenn! The rest of The Walking Dead was boring as hell. Trying to salvage that well from zombie contamination was just dumb. If a walker falls into it, it’s thereby property of said walker. This is known.

--Oh no Brett Ratner and Eddie Murphy are off the Oscars?! Whatever shall we do?! I guess the answer is Brian Grazer and Billy Crystal. Whew, close one. The Oscars almost sucked.

--Another strong Homeland although I did groan twice. First when Saul uttered the word “mole” and second when his lie detector test spiked when he denied slipping the razor to the terrorist. However, when you mix in terrorist-on-terrorist violence and Brody’s lie detector test I’m good with a couple of groans. I hope they either give us some legitimate confirmation that Saul is the mole or they stop with the red herrings. The show doesn’t need an overabundance of those and they’re getting close to the edge with them.

How powerful was Brody’s roll call at Walker’s service? It’s always a stacked category, but I’ll be pissed if Damian Lewis doesn’t get an Emmy nomination.

--If you missed the first round of Alfredo Angulo and James Kirkland go watch it now. I’ll wait.
F’n awesome, right? I hope Manny Pacquiao and Juan Manuel Marquez entertain half as much.

--I haven’t really liked a lot of the ways we got to where we got, but there’s no denying that was one intense episode of Sons this week. I still don’t like Clay’s almost cartoonish villainous ways especially his conversation with Gemma in the clubhouse. This Clay just isn’t one we’ve seen the last few seasons. I know he wasn’t a choir boy, but he wasn’t a homicidal maniac either and one second he loves Gemma so much to leave the club and the next he’s talking down to and beating on her? Regardless as I’ve been saying the guy has to die and has to die this season. Or I guess I could see a scenario where Jax wants to kill Clay after the meeting with the Irish, but the feds move in and arrest Clay before Jax gets his kill shot or face pounding. I’m not exactly sure how Jax is going to want Clay to die. You figured there was about a 95% chance Tara was going to live through the hit although I would’ve made it 100% if I had known they were using the Home Alone robbers as the cartel’s hit men. All they had to do was keep it clean and not mess up her face. So maybe a gunshot as soon as you grab her? Why are you trying to kidnap her? Oh, nevermind we had to crush her hand. However, it led to a really strong performance from Maggie Siff when she told Jax what she was now resigned to in life. Credit to the writers for making Tara a hateable character for long stretches of the first couple of seasons only to make her the one character not named Opie who I just want to get the hell out of Charming immediately.
Writing of Opie, helluva scene with Jax. Opie now feels betrayed and soon he gets to find out his father was gunned down. Not a good season for the Op-ster. How the hell he was able to not beat the sh** out of Jax after Jax told him to keep his wife and dad close to him is beyond me.
SAMCRO sure doesn’t seem to mind the cops talking to Joosh all the time now. They don’t wonder what the hell that’s all about, why it keeps happening to just Joosh, especially with Joosh’s weird behavior lately?!
Fantastically horrific shot of Clay’s ring-laden fist coming down on Gemma’s face. Just one big part of a crazy ass episode. How the hell are there four more to go?

Seriously, how many times do I have to tell you "no takebacks"?

--Boardwalk had a whole lot of Margaret and a whole lot of Irish brogue so it wasn’t my favorite episode despite the meeting of the gangster babies. Obviously the ending with the attempted shot on Nucky was good stuff, but who in the audience expected Nucky to actually receive a life-threatening injury much less a fatal one? The best part was Jimmy’s facial reaction when he overheard that Nucky was going to be okay.
For having Irish in me I sure can’t understand shillelagh when Irish people are speaking on my television whether it be Sons or Boardwalk. Those conversations are more fun if you just insert phrases from Lucky Charms commercials. Anyway at least Margaret and Owen got the kissing of the blarney stone out of the way.
I hope Van Alden was simply trying to gain trust with Esther by laying his cards on the table because he’s going to help Nucky. If he’s going against Nucky then I’m much less interested in his character.

--Hell on Wheels didn’t grab me nearly as much as I was hoping it would. It’s just so paint-by-numbers Western without any of what made Deadwood memorable and I don’t just mean the poetic cursing. Thomas Durant is no Al Swearengen and I’m not even sure it’s Colm Meaney’s fault? His speeches sucked. His scheming simplistic especially when it’s spelled out for you. I may watch the second episode or this may just take up space on the DVR while I wait to hear if it got any better.

--I’m sure I probably missed something worthwhile, but I couldn’t even make it to Weekend Update on SNL when Charlie Day hosted last weekend.

--The “We’re No. 1” column on The AV Club is always a good read. This time around they look at “Waiting for the Sun” from The Doors. Good stuff, but next time we get M.C. Hammer’s “Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em”. Out-standing!

--We didn’t have to wait for the new season before Starz went ahead and granted Spartacus another season. I guess that’s promising.

--What kind of guy works and dates a chick and when they eventually break up shows their boss nude texts she sent him? Apparently Terry Pena of the Galena Park police department.

--Let’s go over the good parts of last week’s Dexter. Ummmm, hmmm, oh the "Ice Truck Killer" sighting was nice. It was a nice reminder of this great show I used to watch called Dexter. Remember that show?

--Obviously I’m not much of a steakhouse guy despite the fact I’m going to a Mario Batali steakhouse on Saturday. Anyway, I’ve never been to Morton’s. Perhaps you have. I’m sure it’s just the way most restaurants are in Florida, but in this particular sexual assault suit one former employee claims a chef would stick a stalk of asparagus in his pants to create a veggie bulge because oh man, that’s so funny. Of course this asparagus would eventually find its way onto a customer’s plate.

--Claire from Lost on Once Upon a Time is about right. Maybe she’ll make another cute little squirrel baby.

Quite the looker, that one is...

--As 30 for 30s go the Auburn/Alabama one is well down my list. It was more of a summary of the last two years with far too heavy dose of Paul Finebaum and the tree poisoner. The old history I thought was interesting and I never knew they took a 40-year break from playing each other, but there wasn’t nearly enough of that.

--Eight games into the season and the Niners have a five-game lead in the NFC West.

--Memoir title of the year goes to R. Kelly for Soula Coaster: The Diary of Me.

--RIP Smokin’ Joe.

--RIP Heavy D.

Questions, comments or if you expected to get away from Penn State talk when you turned to NFL Network…

Some like it hot, others like it cold. But we all want to hold the remote control.

2011-11-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--If I experience nothing else in my lifetime I must spend five minutes in the room temperature room. Good stuff from Community this week with daddy issues for Pierce and Jeff and Troy's big decision. Any trepidation I had about John Goodman's character is gone and I'm pretty sure they'll nail this Troy A/C arc over the course of the season. Just as I'm sure when we finally get an episode with Jeff's dad it will have been worth the wait.

Troy - "'Sup girl, how ya livin'?"

Abed - "Pew."

--It was a sappy and sweet Parks and Recreation and no comedy does sappy and sweet better than Parks. The Leslie and Ben moment at the end was nice, but this episode belonged to Entertainment 720 (pours one out) and April and Andy. All great things must come to an end especially if you're overhead was that of E-720's. Nevertheless a party with four VIP sections, a drumline, car bows and Roy Hibbert is a party to end on. Entertainment720.com even posted a goodbye. Where on chapter closes another opens for Tom.

April and Andy taking care of his bucket list = awesome sauce. Thankfully NBC put up a bunch of Andy and April road trip videos. All of their action star, grilled cheese making, $1,000 in singles activities up to the Grand Canyon was great. But when they stand their on the edge looking out and Andy asks, "Where are all the faces? You know the presidents. " I almost had a heart attack. Fantastic line with the obligatory perfect April reaction face.

--Weird that The League and Sunny both went the social networking route this week. Taco’s Myface was pretty strong. I'd be a rich man if I had a dollar for every time Raffi has said, "We're going to need some carpet, a bone saw and condoms" in his lifetime.
Pete to Andre - “Couple of questions: Why was that on your vanity? Second, why do you have a vanity at all? Third, why do you have to call it a ‘vanity?’”

--I’m not sure which trailer I’m less interested in watching between 21 Jump Street and American Reunion.

--I haven’t watched an SNL from beginning to end since I can’t remember. Pretty sure Charlie Day won’t let me down this weekend.

--NY Post with a “Where Are They Now” on former Top Chef winners. The only one I didn’t know what they were up to was Hosea. Apparently he’s got himself a farm and runs a full-service catering company using his farm’s products. Nice.

I did a full recap on Ape Donkey, but I liked this qualifying episode more than I thought I would. Or maybe I just liked Tom cutting someone ten minutes into the competition.

--Listen Kate Hudson you best bacdafucup from Muse. The National Enquirer doesn’t lie and if everyone not named Matt in Muse have dubbed you “Yoko” then you need to go make another bad rom-com and leave the music to the muse-icians.

Better days.

--Seriously UAB a night kickoff at the same time as LSU and Alabama in Tuscaloosa?

--Drew Bledsoe. Winemaker? If you see Doubleback wines anywhere let me know.

--Fred Savage AND Brent Musberger on Happy Endings this week. “You are looking live…” – never gets old…sort of…okay, it’s old. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go play checkers with some Puerto Ricans.

--New Jersey looks like it’s going to make sports wagering legal in the near future. That’s good and gives you a reason to head to the Garden State. Of course there’s that whole machete attacks in fried chicken restaurants, so that may balance out the allure some.

--We have a date for the return of Spartacus (RIP Andy Whitfield). January 27th it's time for vengeance.

--Floyd and Manny are going to fight in May? Yeah, I’m not going to hold my breath. At least I know I’ll see Manny next weekend when I’m in the holy land of Vegas.

--You may have seen this in The Big Lead where they printed the opening paragraph from The Smoking Gun. It’s really the only way to tell the tale.

"Complaining that a 95-year-old neighbor has been harassing him, a 75-year-old Florida man called police Monday to report that the nonagenarian twice pulled a pocket knife on him--but that the older man did not have the strength or dexterity to actually open the weapon."

Never change Florida, never change.

--I’ve never had Dippin’ Dots and I guess I’ll just have to wait patiently for the future to know how ice cream will taste.

--Like this little Top 5 of Houston’s Hidden Treasures from Eating Our Words. Particularly Bohemeo and Café TH or Theim Hung or whatever you want to call the place that makes fantastic vegan curry. And I’m beyond happy (overjoyed? ecstatic?) that Phoenicia is opening its long-awaited downtown location next week.

--A Very Gaga Thanksgiving? Seriously ABC? Seriously?

Questions, comments or if you want a tab of baby aspirin…

Take a sip - you can do it - you get right to it. We had a case in the place and we went right through it.

2011-11-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I’m just going to assume that most Texans regular season ticket holders didn’t want to be subjected to either the sun and/or the Jaguars offense so it was a bunch of first-timers that got a wave started last Sunday. Snipers should be allowed to take out anyone they see trying to start a wave. How has this never come up in the GOP debates?!

--Shane, Shane, Shane. You do what you gotta do when it comes to zombies, but damn.

--Sons of Anarchy is getting crazier, but that doesn’t mean it’s getting better. How dumb is Gemma to think Clay won’t touch Tara after she knows he already gunned down Piney with zero remorse? How dumb is Clay to insult Tara to Jax’s face while at the same time plotting her murder and how dumb is he to think Gemma is not going to suspect him should something happen to Tara or her grandkids? How dumb is Chibs to not question Joosh and the missing drugs? How dumb is Jax to think he’s just going to have a little sit down with the cartel and the IRA and everything will be so peachy that he’ll be allowed to leave? Through three and a half seasons I feel like we’ve gotten to know these characters well enough to know when they’re acting half under their IQ level and an occasional dip down there is fine, but they’ve been there throughout most of the season. Clay is such an over-the-top villain now and more and more people are realizing it that I think he absolutely has to be taken out or at the very least removed as President. I like Ron Perlman just as much as the next guy, but how much more can they squeeze out of the Clay/Jax lemon.
Oh you two crazy kids.

--Seems like this should have happened before, but Sunday was the first time two rookie quarterbacks started the same game and threw for over 200 yards without tossing a pick. Those rookies being Cam Newton and Christian Ponder.

--Not the most scintillating Boardwalk Empire this week, but that’s going to happen when you have Van Alden’s storyline taking up a lot of time. Then time gets devoted to Irish Furio who I like as a character, but not as Margaret’s secret lover. Nucky’s trial shenanigans don’t do much for me because I can’t see him actually going to jail unless it’s one of those short terms where he goes in jail in the finale and next season’s premiere he gets out. Obviously I liked the gangster babies outgrowing their diapers or at least getting the ball rolling in that direction. If you’re a double-crossing spy who is double-crossing a maniacal, blood-thirsty butcher wouldn’t you be a little more careful about being seen with the guy who should be your sworn enemy? It’s not like Philly and Atlantic City are on opposite sides of the coast and there’s no chance of anyone spotting you fraternizing with your supposed enemy.
Dominic Chianese killed in his scenes with Jimmy. And c’mon Jimmy’s mom, no more kissing on the lips in front of company.

--Homeland continues to knock it out of the park. Although Estes was a damn fool to give Brody that face-to-face with the prisoner and really no one is going to tell Saul or Carrie about that until Carrie found it on her own? I’m loving Saul and Carrie’s confrontations with Carrie going all emotionally expressive and Saul’s measured, but boiling underneath the surface responses. Great stuff.
I like that I have no idea what the hell is going on as far as if Brody has really been turned and that for five minutes I even questioned Saul. C’mon Homeland you know I’m going to spend 30 minutes hurting my head to think why show that little carpet scene in his office. The who is a spy, who isn’t may be only the second biggest mystery on the show. The major question mark is why in the hell Morena Baccarin cut her damn hair back to her V style?! Why? Why? Why?

Obviously this pictures doesn't show how awesome her hair is long, but I love me some Firefly.

--As much of a fan I was of Chris Herren and those Fresno State teams I'm embarrassed to say I still haven't watched the 30 for 30 this week.

--Genetically engineered mosquitoes that will pass on a lethal gene to their offspring killing them before they become adult mosquitoes? Make it happen. Seriously, what the fu** are you waiting for?

--Burt Reynolds to guest star on Archer. Thank you.

--Nice to have old Chuck back. Nice to see Craig Kilborn in the premiere as well although he contributed basically zero. I wish Craigers had done “Five Questions” with Sara.

--Hell on Wheels starts this Sunday and seeing as how stacked Sunday is it’ll probably be next Saturday before I get around to it.

--Rob Gronkowski’s younger brother, Glenn, going as Rob's infamous picture for Halloween is awesome in every way.

--Of course that pales in comparison to two of the Zierlein boys aka Walter and Jesse.

The one on the right is the one who knocks.

--When you even jokingly threaten to take Halloween candy from a 10-year-old kid you better be ready for the consequences. In South Carolina the consequences were getting a 9mm stuck in your face. No big deal though since the gun didn’t have a loaded clip, but make no mistake he had the loaded clip on him so by the time you bite into that first Snickers he’d make sure it was your last. And if his gun misfired his brother, also 10, was strapped (do people still say that?) too.

--Who the hell is eating all this candy corn?

--Didn’t like to see Brother Sam get shot, but I find Dexter searching for that shooter much more compelling than anything with the Doomsday (yawn) Killer or Killers. Dexter has pretty much been background noise while I’m cooking so I haven’t been paying close attention, but the Fight Club scenario with Travis makes sense. Although Colin Hanks is the worst actor to try and pull it off.

--Jonathan – “I’m good at platonic. It’s my default sexual setting…after nervous.” Not the best Bored to Death this week, but it had furries and Oliver Platt so it wasn’t bad by any stretch. Ray and Olympia Dukakis did nothing for me. I would’ve rather just watched Ray at the grocery store longer.

--Eva Longoria and Matt Barnes?! Maybe, but the point is I'm starting to miss basketball.

--Community has missed more times than hit for me this season, but this week’s episode is titled “Advanced Gay.” Promising.

--Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel no more?

--A 47-year-old Chicago man died after trying to remove his pacemaker. Who knew you could die from cutting your chest open to remove your pacemaker? More you know.

--It’s just f’n weird to see Gus as the mirror, mirror on the wall in Once Upon A Time.

Questions, comments or if you’re in over your head…

Step up to the bar put the girl down. She takes a big gulp and slaps it around.

2011-10-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I can't remember the last time it was Friday night and I haven't watched a new Community, Parks, Sunny, League. Stupid baseball.

--Why didn’t Piney just pull the trigger himself? Seriously let’s tell everyone where I’m going including give Clay yet another ultimatum forcing his hand. Let’s not leave a message to my son Opie along the lines of if something happens to me you can find very important letters here. Let’s not tell Jax when you’re having a heart-to-heart with him anyway about his dad. Not even SAMCRO is going to buy that LS took out old harmless Piney like that, right? One way or the other Clay has got to go this season.
Juice, Juice, Juice, or Joosh as Chibbs might say. Can’t wait to hear that conversation.
I’m not sure how Tara leaving, if she leaves, is going to effect things as far as the sheriff and his wife trying to have kids, but I still expect that to come in to play at some point this season especially after Jax’s little family speech to the sheriff.
When the hell is Lem going to get back from his gun run so we can get him and Aceveda in the same room?
This is good chili weather we’re having…eh…maybe not.

--Nice little hour-long 30 for 30 this week on Chuck Wepner aka "The Real Life Rocky." Wepner went from a marine to a go-go club bouncer to a boxer to fighting Liston then Ali then Andre the Giant then Victor the Wrestling Bear before settling into some cocaine with Belushi and Akyroyd that eventually led to some jail time and a lawsuit against Stallone for never compensating him for being Rocky’s inspiration. Sounds like a full life. The doc used a helluva lot of Rocky music with a crescendo to Wepner’s disputed knockdown of Ali with a body shot. Anything looks awesome when it has Rocky’s music behind it. The lowlight of the fight was James Brown mangling/butchering/murdering the national anthem. Wow, was the snippet they played just awful. At least Brown got to redeem himself in the ring in Rocky IV. Why Stallone didn’t break Wepner off a little money early in the Rocky game is beyond me.

--I haven’t read anything in the last couple of months since finishing "Dance with Dragons," but I might have to tear myself away from the television for "I Want My MTV" or maybe "Fables." Watching Once Upon A Time and hearing everyone talk about "Fables" has piqued my interest.

--The new GM of the Red Sox, Ben Cherington, used to be married to Wendi Nix?!

--Homeland got a second season so I’m very curious as to how this season plays out. Initially I felt it had to have some resolution as far as Brody committing a terrorist act or it turning out he’s just a psychologically f’d up good guy. However, now we have this husband/wife bad guy combo that may fill the season one antagonist role well enough while Carrie and Brody’s relationship goes who knows where. What I’m saying is I have no idea what’s going to happen, but am loving the ride.

--I’ve talked about my love for Wiseguy before when mentioning Jonathan Banks/Mike from Breaking Bad. So a Wiseguy remake written by someone from Homeland sounds promising…until you realize it’s NBC.

--Elisha Cuthbert as Marilyn Monroe on Happy Endings was hot until the dude from Perfect Couples thought she was a dude and she started talking about tucking it in. God did give her melons and she did make melonade though so we had that going for us. I haven’t worn a costume in years, but when I do I can’t imagine not being ZZ Top Gun.

“Which one of The Doors are you?”
“Ray Manzarek.”
“You just made that up.”
Raymond Daniel Manzarek and Robbie Krieger at the House of Blues in a couple of weeks. I’m curious, but not spending $ curious.

--Kaitlin Olson and Rob McElhenney are having another kid which of course explains Mac’s weight gain.

--Redbox is raising its rental price by 20% because Redbox and Netflix hate you.

--Jay Mohr as Cheryl Hines’ always absent husband on Suburgatory is nice. And holy crap Cheryl Hines was the hottest thing on Wednesday night including Sofia Vergara and Elisha Cuthbert.

--It’s not like he’s been knocking movies out of the park lately, but seriously Adam Sandler, Jack and Jill?! Are you trying to be white Eddie Murphy? Not even Eddie Murphy wants to be Eddie Murphy anymore. This whole get back to stand-up and stuff from Eddie lately, well let’s just say my expectations are low.

--The Donnie Darko 10th anniversary celebration continues with 25 Things You May Not Know About Donnie Darko from MovieFone.com. Did not expect John Madden influenced the film. I don’t know the rest of Empire magazine’s Indie Movies of All Time rankings, but Reservoir Dogs and Darko at 1 and 2 works for me.

--Finally one of the world’s biggest mysteries is in the process of being solved. Can someone masturbate in every Starbucks in New York City. Meet Mr. PeePee our Hero.

--You know you want to look at a financial breakdown of Paula Deen. Short version, she’s rich. Very, very rich. I didn’t know she is a producer on Down Home with the Neelys, but that explains a lot.

--Never saw Dumb and Dumber so my reaction to a possible Dumb and Dumber 2 can be summed up in the yawn I just yawned. Do you yawn yawns?

--Omar Little got Jesse Pinkman on Twitter? Indeed.

--Sunday Moyo is our Quick Thinker of the Week. Sunday resides in Zimbabwe where strange things happen. He was busted for bestiality, but he tells the tale of the tail better:
“I only came to know that I was being intimate with a donkey when I got arrested. I had hired a prostitute and paid US $20 for the service at Down Town night club, and I don’t know how she then became a donkey.”
Hopefully this story has a happy ending because Sunday really seems in love:
“I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with the donkey.”
Awwww….

--Cannot wait for Sundance Cinemas to open up in Bayou Place. Houston Press with a primer.

--List time. Top 100 Songs of All-Times from Time. It includes LCD’s “All My Friends,” Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart,” and A Tribe Called Quest’s “Scenario” so obviously I’m good with this list.

--Finally a new batch of Thundercats episodes. Wired with a look a deeper look at what this new edition is trying to cover. I’ve written it before, but these new Thundercats are really pretty good.

Questions, comments or if you’re listening to way too much Regina Spektor…

(Well how feelin Mike D?) Well I feel all good. All day is how we play in the neighborhood.

2011-10-25T17:18:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Nothing like essentially clinching the division in Week 7 with a 4-3 record. Awesome. I imagine regardless of what happens I’ll probably want Gary Kubiak fired at the end of the season, but 41-7 in Tennessee was damn fun. Like most of you I’ve seen Chris Johnson kick the ass out of the Texans and/or my fantasy team. I don’t know who is wearing that #28 for the Titans, but it’s not Chris Johnson. I’m also not sure who’s wearing #17 in San Diego because that’s not Philip Rivers. That’s definitely #25 for the Texans.

--Like everyone else I love Richard Harrow’s character and I love a good scalping so obviously this week’s Boardwalk Empire was right up my alley. Richard, don’t even play like you’re going to take yourself out. I’d be more despondent about losing you as a character than anyone else on television right now. Nice scene between Jimmy and Richard affirming Jimmy has his back. In a show with so much deceit it was nice to hear a truth that you don’t have to doubt. Jimmy would fight for Richard.

I expected Eli to have second thoughts about lining up to go against his brother, but did not expect Nucky to be so incredibly vengeful. Get on your knees and kiss my shoes?! Nice brawl there and the best work Eli/Shea Whigham has done on the show with his drunken face bashing, grave digging night.
Nucky – “Do you actually like golf?”
Harry Daugherty – “I like being a man with the time to play it.” - True that.

--Someone left a comment on Sepinwall’s Walking Dead review that summed up Daryl. “Daryl is the new Sawyer.” Pretty much. A strong episode this week even though the group didn’t make any movement down the yellow brick zombie-filled road.
I hope we get more flashback scenes.
They are saving a ton of money if Glenn is getting paid per line. He was a good character last season, but this season has had less to do than anyone else.

Vivian Volkoff!

--I’m shocked, shocked I say to read that a former SNL cast member, in this case Darrell Hammond, revealed he drank and did coke while on the show.

--Seriously all those cops at the crime scene and no one is going to notice a trail of blood and/or a greenhouse with a bloody handle on it until Dexter shows up?! I like Mos Def’s character, but that’s about the only thing I like about this season of Dexter thus far. Maybe the religious angle will get some legs, but mostly I just want Colin Hanks to meet the dark passenger sooner rather than later. Even Edward James Olmos is doing nothing for me. And don’t even get me started on Masuka and the hot chick from Heroes.

--Homeland keeps getting more and more compelling. I just wish Claire Danes and her boss had never hooked up. And I hope we’re not going down mole alley with the warning that dude got while he was being followed by Carrie.

--Interesting look at Donnie Darko by Nerve.com. The question it poses is if the movie holds up. To me it does. To this person it doesn’t. I will agree with a couple of his points. Drew Barrymore was just awful and unnecessary in this and I didn’t understand her inclusion originally until I saw her name with a producer credit attached to it. Richard Kelly hasn’t done jack since Darko, true. However, I’m not sure how that’s supposed to be a mark against Darko. One-hit wonder doesn’t diminish the one hit. Interesting read for those of us who still quote Sparkle Motion, use “They Made Me Do It” too often and are far too concerned with Papa Smurf and Smurfette's relationship.

--Two tidbits from DeMarco Murray’s sick 25-carry, 253-yard rushing day. He was only the third RB to ever get to 250 yards while also averaging at least 10 yards a carry. Jamaal Charles did it, but I would have gone through a lot more guesses (Chris Johnson, Dickerson, Sanders, etc.) before thinking Corey Dillon also did it. It was the second-highest one-game rookie rushing total. #1 belongs to Adrian Peterson who went for 296 yards back in 2007, which is the one-game record rookie or not.

--I gave up midway through the first episode, but Mena Suvari to American Horror Story could be interesting. Or not.

--The Saints scored on their first nine possessions. The Colts had nine first downs total. AFC South rulz!

--UH is rolling right now. Seriously a Case for Heisman sign popping up on Gameday in East Lansing and then a NY Times piece on Case. Still can’t believe UH accumulated 621 total of yards of offense last Saturday in just 17 minutes and 45 seconds of possession. And thanks for the jinx Big Lead, “Keenum…leading Houston to what will probably be an unbeaten season.”

I cannot wait to see Big East teams come to Houston and really cannot wait to go to the Garden for the Big East Tournament.

--Like this quote from Mario Batali on Chew hate: "There's a lot of haters out there that were soap opera fans. The demise of the soap opera is a big business. It's not my business, but it didn't go the way they wanted and they're not happy with me. I'm perceived as having chopped off Erica Kane's head and kicking her body around the block."
Chopping Erica Kane’s head off, eh, okay. But if I find out a young Michael Symon put an explosive on Jenny Garner’s jet ski…there. will. be. blood.

--If you’re curious about what food shows Anthony Bourdain likes or at least tolerates, here ya go. Completely agree on Good Eats and Molto Mario.

--I’m not sure which bastard mosquito I hate more. The one who waits until you’re relieving yourself of the night’s beer intake to fly right in front of your face knowing damn well you’re going to swipe wildly for it. In the process making sure you spend the next 15 minutes cleaning up the restroom. Bastard mosquito. The other one I hate is the one who plays head games with you. The one you think is on your cheek so you slap yourself silly only to come up empty. Wait, is that him on my forehead. Smack. Nope. Back of the neck. THWAP. Nope. CALF!! SLAP! Nope. Get out of my head mosquitoes!

--This is just weird divisional scheduling to me, but the Ravens don’t face the Browns until Weeks 13 and 16. The Steelers don’t see the Browns until Weeks 14 and 17. It’s like the schedule makers forgot to include Cleveland. That or they hate the Browns and wanted to give them back-to-back hell twice this season.

--John Hannah/Batiatus to Damages?! Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

--More Achtung Baby cover love from Depeche Mode, Nine Inch Nails and The Killers. I expected a little bit more from NIN on "Zoo Station." I think all the songs are perfect fits for the respective groups. The Killers with "Ultra Violet (Light My Way) didn't stray far from the original, but I'm not complaining...

--Remember that time you were 21, probably drunk and your friends bet you $100 that you couldn’t stick your legs through a baby swing at a playground and you needed the money so you put liquid detergent on your legs to help squeeze them through the two cut out swing holes and you won your bet but your friends literally left you hanging there all night because you couldn’t get out until nine hours later when the groundskeeper called the fire department which cut off the swing chains and took you to the hospital to use a cast cutter to cut the swing off your legs, remember that time? This dude will never forget it.

--Did not expect that come Week 8 Darrius Heyward-Bey would have more receiving yards than Roddy White.

Questions, comments or if your DVR crapped out on you before you could watch PJ20...

(Well how you feelin Ad Rock?) Well I'm feelin well. Bonafide, qualified, with a story to tell.

2011-10-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Dear Texans, It would be pretty cool if you won this week. Thanks in advance.

--All my minor quibbles aside with this season that was one helluva Sons of Anarchy this week. We have rival cartels adding to SAMCRO’s problems, the fallout from Unser’s warning to Tara and now his conversation with the hospital admin., Tara realizing just how deep the Sons and her family is in this quagmire, Bobby calling for a vote on an officer change and oh yeah Juice. Wow. I hate this racial angle, but the entrapment was a nice Stahl-eque tactic and Juice sold the hell out of all of his scenes. At first I didn’t hear the branch snap and a thud of a body hitting the ground. I thought Juice was dead until I read Sepinwall’s review noting the snap. I imagine Juice isn’t dead, but main characters will be and soon. There’s just too much lethal crap hitting the fan for the boys to get away clean. Not sure exactly how you ever get away from a cartel either, well unless you poison tequila.
I did have a problem with Jax going gung-ho by himself after a car full of guys with semi-automatic weapons. I mean really no one is going to go with him?! Not even a Mayan since it was their President who took a bullet?!

--Another solid Homeland. Putting it mildly, Brody sure does have odd ways of expressing physical affection for his wife.

--Nice Matthew Berry cameo on The League. Really can’t wait for the Thanksgiving episode with Jeff Goldblum as Ruxin’s dad and Sarah Silverman as Andre’s sister.
Taco - "I'm going to date Nicki in the bathroom."
Ruxin to Taco - "We don't have a urinal...that's a shower that you pee in."

--Frank – “How do you know the blacks don’t have bread in those speakers?”

--Tiger Mom is aight, but Renaissance Fighter Dad sounds kick ass. Well unless it’s your ass he’s kicking and that “your” is Fighter Dad’s 16-year-old daughter. Father of the Year candidate Fremon Seay was pissed at his daughter for running away so he showed her just how much he cared by getting a switch from the yard and smacking her with it until he thought better of his actions. By “thought better” I mean putting Renaissance armor on her giving her a shield and wooden sword and playing Battle of Blackwater with her for two hours until she collapsed. The daughter was able to text a friend and police came which is when daddy explained he was a “Renaissance Fighter.” He’s spending some time in modern day jail.

--Despite all the rumors apparently true love really does exist. This is a nice little story despite the fact it ends in two deaths. Gordon and Norma Yeager were married 72 years and were driving to the store the other day when they got into a car accident. They were side-by-side in the ICU and Gordon passed away followed by his wife an hour early. And this, from their son, might be the sweetest thing I’ve ever read and can’t believe I’ve never seen it in a movie:
"It was really strange, they were holding hands, and dad stopped breathing but I couldn't figure out what was going on because the heart monitor was still going. But we were like, he isn't breathing. How does he still have a heart beat? The nurse checked and said that's because they were holding hands and it's going through them. Her heart was beating through him and picking it up. They were still getting her heartbeat through him.”
It just got really dusty up in here.

--For your last-minute Halloween costume needs we have the Gustavo Fring two-face mask. RIP. I think I remember seeing some pictures from last year, but EW has some pics of this year’s Breaking Bad wrap/costume party. Bryan Cranston as Tio. Nice.

--I think the GOP debates are on reruns the next couple of months, but one thing these have shown me is that there ain’t jack to watch on TV Tuesday nights. That or maybe Parenthood and Sons of Anarchy need to start earlier.

--Yes because what we really need is a Cannonball Run remake. Just re-release the original and be done with it.

--If I had to go with a description of M83’s sound I’d go with “hell if I know.” Thankfully @airelav2 is much more descriptive so I’m looking forward to her monthly music review on Ape Donkey next week. When M83 opened for The Killers here and Morgan Kibby came out to sing "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town" with Brandon Flowers it was the highlight of the show. They'll be at Warehouse in a couple of weeks.

--The fourth Starship Troopers movie, Invasion, is going to be a CGI-animated feature. I’m in. F the bugs.

--If you gave up on Bored to Death after or during its first season you really should give it another shot this season. It has totally figured out what works and that’s more Danson and Galifaniakis and less Schwartzman. We’re three episodes into this season and it’s gotten off to a strong start with the last episode being one of the best episodes of comedy from any show this season.

Ray - “I had a really beautiful dream about a gumball machine. Can I tell you about it?”

--Yum! (Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, KFC, Long John Silver’s) wants to get included for food stamps. This should solve that skinny America problem we have.

--If you watched Top Chef: Just Desserts last season (and I’m quite sure you didn’t) you will undoubtedly remember Morgan who was the dick of the show. He was recently indicted on child porn charges up in Plano. Crazy.

--We may not get a new New Girl until next month, but we do get Zooey Deschanel singing the national anthem during the World Series. Life's about trade-offs.

--First Fred Durst gets a pilot then MC Hammer is putting out his own Internet search engine. It’s like everything nobody asked for is finally coming to fruition! What’s next a wrestling company from Billy Corgan?

--CNBC put together an interesting list of the world’s 10 most tweeted moments. Surprisingly to me Osama’s death wasn’t higher than #10. Obviously I’m not going to click through an entire f’n slideshow to see the rest of the top ten. But I will see what the world’s #1 most tweeted moment was…Beyonce’s baby bump. Ugh, I’ll never get back that 30 seconds.
#occupyslideshows

--In news that will make my mom happy…Amy Sedaris is going to be on The Good Wife.

--Drunk of the Week comes to us from Florida so you know it’s good. Patricia Siciliano was taking her family for a nice drive down I-95 after a Blue Oyster Cult concert. Some in her family didn’t like the 100 MPH she was driving or the fact she was drunk off her arse. Her husband and teenage son tried to get her to pull over and got beat up for their trouble. So the son called the police and eventually Mommy ran out of gas. The police showed up as the son was telling the 911 operator, “She’s not a very smart alcoholic – at all.” Make it past tense and we have ourselves a nice epitaph. By the way Mommy also resisted arrest and spit on the cops for good measure.

--Pretty sick that Tony Gonzalez will likely pass Marvin Harrison and Cris Carter this week to become 2nd in all-time receptions.

--The housing crisis explanation Dave gave on Happy Endings is eerily similar to my own.
Dave – “They took loans, and they repackaged them, subprime. It's a numbers game.”

--Recruiting Michael Jackson’s daughter?! That’s it Lingerie Football League. You’ve lost all credibility with me.

Questions, comments or if your two-year-old nephews battled a lot in their short lives, but nothing can compare to years from now when their parents will show their friends pictures of them dressed in skinny jeans and Bert and Ernie costumes...

The beat is slow in order to dance. I wanna hear I dos and no I can'ts

2011-10-18T15:59:00.001-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--This week….The Colts on Sunday Night Football!!!! The Jags on Monday Night Football!!!! Courtesy of Russell Baxter (@BaxFootballGuru): AFC South teams Colts (6), Jaguars (5), Texans (2) and Titans (1) have combined to lose 14 games in a row.

--A 5th or a 6th doesn’t sound like much to give up for Brandon Lloyd. If only the Texans and Broncos were friends.

--The zombies are back and I’m still on Team Zombie in this battle. The less acting and dialogue between the living on The Walking Dead the better as far as I’m concerned. This group stays alive only as long as Daryl stays alive. One thing these people need to do is stop listening to the music on the show. The suspenseful music that’s playing while they’re under the cars hiding out ends and suddenly the little girl thinks it’s a good time to get out because the music stopped. Wrong. Rick and Shane hear the sweet music as Carl gets closer and closer to a deer and boom Carl gets shot. That sappy music somehow made them think that a little boy approaching a deer with decent sized antlers was a good idea in the first place.

--Nucky v. Commodore/Jimmy took a slight backseat this week and thankfully Richard Harrow and Chalky White stepped up to the forefront because those actors/characters always deliver. I can’t wait to find out what Chalky is going to do with that stick he was whittling.
Suffering a stroke at the sight of a naked Gretchen Mol is a completely understandable reaction. Good scene with her recollecting their first “date” and proceeding to repeatedly tell him what the five fingers said to the face.
Love seeing William Forsythe getting in on the fun in Philly.
I will never get tired of watching Arnold Rothstein and that scene with his wife and the apple bread and “sound elimination” then practicing “Mr. Thompson” was an instant classic.
“It’s a special kind of fool who relies upon the promise of a drunkard.” Damn Margaret chill the f out already.

--A live reading of The Breakfast Club with among others Patton Oswalt, Mindy Kaling, and James Van Der Beek?! Nice.

--So you’re saying sticking your 17-month-old inside of the oven to teach him not to touch hot things is wrong? There sure is a lot to this parenting thing.
I mean this dad was drunk off his arse and so his designated driver was his daughter and apparently that’s not good enough for the police? Sure his daughter is only nine but as she told the cops she was “driving great” and wanted to know why she was pulled over. I do know bad parenting when I see it. Like this guy in our fair town who gave his daughter a gun and knife and told her to kill herself if she wanted. Idiot. Even I know never to give your children choices.

--I'm supposed to be surprised Paula Deen sells butter-flavored lip balm?

--I’m slowly getting into Happy Endings and Ken Marino (Ron from Party Down) getting in on it won’t hurt.

--Charlie Day and Emma Stone each hosting SNL in November? I’m in.

--Zachary Quinto is gay. I’ll pause for you to pick your jaw up off the floor.

--Three quarterbacks in NFL history have rushed for at least six TDs and passed for at least six TDs during their rookie seasons. Cam Newton, Vince Young, and Chris Weinke?!

--A nice little catch-up for the Paranormal Activity movies as the third one comes out this weekend.

--They don’t play at the World Scrabble Championships. Think your opponent is hiding a “G”? You best take him to the bathroom for a strip search and find out. Those judges, who were probably in on it, wouldn’t go through with it though. Everyone know the World Scrabble Championships have been fixed for years by the syndicate.

--Drudge Report headline I will not be clicking on: “Vegas man with 100-pound scrotum seeks money for surgery.”

--As if the ladies on Justified weren’t hot enough they’re adding Carla Gugino this season. Out-standing. Seriously, Raylan’s Angels would be an awesome spin-off and we can just go ahead and move that bad boy to Cinemax if it’s all the same to you.

--First ERA, now Yelapa is closing. Damn shame.

--Dan Harmon with how they mapped out Community's "Remedial Chaos Theory."

Questions, comments or if you plan on sitting outside with a beer that won't warm up every night that this blessed cold front is here…

Deal with the schism, ride on the rhythm. Sweet like pie and the pie's what I give 'em.

2011-10-15T06:49:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I seriously doubt we’ll get a better 90 minutes of Thursday comedy goodness than what we got from Community, Parks and Rec and The Office this week. I did a full review of Community for Ape Donkey this week. Not surprisingly I thought it was a terrific episode that got the show back on the rails after a couple of just okay episodes. It also made them the likeable bunch I prefer them as instead of the jerks that really jerked it up a week ago.
Pierce – “Call it Yahtzee all you want. It’s Puerto Rican chess.”
Jeff – “You guys see what happens when I leave you alone, right?” Yes we do Jeff. The group doesn’t have the “no” guy around and they dance and get along just fine.

The Palms in Vegas should replicate that apartment for people to rent out.

--Tom to Ben – “What's wrong with you today? Did they cancel Game of Thrones?”
Ben – “They would never cancel Game of Thrones. It's a crossover hit. They're telling human stories in a fantasy world.”
Pawnee Rangers. Pawnee Goddesses. Aubrey Plaza in a Pawnee Goddess uniform. Brother Nature. Treat Yo Self Day. Tom calling Ben “Bento Box.” Smores-off. Puppy Party.
Ron – “Before we begin does anyone have any dietary restrictions?”
Group – “No.”
Ron – “Correct. You do not.”

Great episode that utilized everyone from Leslie and Ron to even Shirley and Jerry. Glad we got to see Ben down in the dumps some after his break-up or whatever with Leslie. I hope that’s not the end we see of Batman.

--Solid Office, but how could it not be with a garden party at Schrute Farms? I loved Mose’s “jump” over the cars he valeted. And who doesn’t like hearing Extreme’s “More Than Words”?

--Shadynasty. I liked the Frank-centric Sunny that took us back to a simpler time when the music was soulful and the coke was plentiful. Judging from other Sunny watchers on Twitter and at work I’m alone in liking this trip.
Nice turn by Lance Reddick (Wire, Lost, Fringe).

--Despite a tragic DVR wipe I’m finally almost all the way caught up on Parenthood and it’s better than ever. I almost watched two straight episodes without my eyes feeling the effects of all that dust in the room. I don’t know if Michael B. Jordan is leaving the show or he and Haddie are just on a little break, but that sucked.

--Bob Odenkirk for Black Keys. This is how you promote an album release.

--Top Chef magazine?! Seriously, this is getting to be a little much. I’m not sure how I’m going to push through these final couple of episodes of Just Desserts. It’s not just because I heart Rebecca, but the season has really gone downhill since that Beastie Boys episode.

--At least Sons tried to justify the race angle with Juice’s conversation with Chibs, but it still rang pretty hollow to me. I assume Chibs will keep an eye on Juice and eventually out him as the one who took the kilo.
The two things I did like were Tig’s scenes and Piney smacking Opie upside the head.
Clay ordering the hit on Tara seems a little much considering she’s had the letters how long now and done exactly what with them?
Gemma – “This is why mothers should drown baby girls.”

--Finally an all-black remake of Steel Magnolias. I guess we won't be seeing this on the television at SAMCRO's clubhouse.

--Ray – “Hueston we have a problem cause you’re gay.” I missed you Bored to Death. Ray with his baby is going to be gold anytime they get together for a visit. Zach Galifianakis and Ted Danson just kill it every single time on this show. George – “It’s like she’s hiding a cello in that dress.” One more George, “Oh I’m sorry Steven. Because of the marijuana my whole life is like that film Memento.”

--Nice to see Neal from Freaks and Geeks on Modern Family. He was definitely an asset.

--Gotta love a Vancouver restaurant banning men for peeing while standing up.

--For probably some made up reasons the Detroit police impounded The Booty Lounge. SMH.

--I don’t think this is surprising, but Boardwalk Empire has been renewed for a third season.

--Best news all week is that Chris Lilley is bringing another show to HBO in January. He was the mastermind creator/actor/actress behind Summer Heights High a few years ago. This time around he’s helming Angry Boys. He’ll play not one, not two, not four, but six boys that’ll be followed mock documentary style. It’s already airing to praise (shocker) in Australia. HBO will have 12 episodes showing two each Sunday night beginning January 8th. Can’t wait.

--Flavorwire.com came up with its list of Top 10 Most Annoying Characters on TV right now. It includes Maya Rudolph from Up All Night therefore I approve…well at least on that one.

--Another list, this time from NME.com of the best songs in the last 15 years. The top six includes Radiohead (#1 – Paranoid Android), The Killers (#5 – Mr. Brightside) and The White Stripes (#6 – Fell In Love With A Girl) so who am I to argue? The entire list is here on Spotify. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t let the entire Spice Girl’s “Wannabe” play, but that was mostly because I was trying to understand what the downside was to “if you want to be my lover you gotta get with my friends” because that sounds like a pretty good deal.

--I’ve written before about this Achtung Baby cover album with my most anticipated track being Jack White’s take on “Love is Blindness.” Sweet.

--Wow. Hulk Hogan is pulling his support from Barack Obama. Game-changer.

--An Adult Swim Block Party sounds like a pleasant way to spend a day. It’s hitting 10 college towns around the nation including Lubbock.

--Finally Fred Durst got a TV comedy deal. Rest easy America.

--Do we really need another American Pie movie? The answer is apparently yes for the sake of Jason Biggs’ career.

--So San Francisco restaurant workers are looking for a mandatory 25% tip to be included on bills. Yeah, good luck with that.

Questions, comments or if you’re looking forward to catching up with your zombie friends on AMC Sunday night…and you’re crossing your fingers that Gustavo Fring is among them…although Zombie Tio in his wheelchair ringing his bell might be the most frightening zombie ever…

I'm the lyrical, mathematical genius. Splashing like lime juice, you've never seen this.

2011-10-11T15:58:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--“I won.” Walt, you smug sonuvabitch. What an outstanding finale to an incredible season that repeatedly ratcheted up tension and suspense like those last 10 minutes standing in a bettor’s line in Vegas before the noon kickoffs. The tension kept building until Tio literally rang the death knell for himself, Tyrus, and the chicken man, the myth, the legend, Gustavo Fring. Then even after that the tension resumed as we found out it was Walt who poisoned Brock.
I was sad to see Gus go especially as it became apparent it was that bastard Walt who did the poisoning and lied to Jesse. Again. Walt’s plan to use Tio and lure Gus to him was a plan even Gus would have to envy though. Tio at the DEA office was classic. Mark Margolis played the hell out of that character. I think I’ve written every week how awesome Giancarlo Esposito is/was as Gus. When he walked away from the explosion and started straightening his tie I thought well yeah, obviously Gus is a cyborg. I probably would have rolled with that too. Then he collapsed and ding, dong the Gus is dead. I tried to tell Gus not to leave his direwolf, Mike, behind. I’m sure we’ll see Mike next season. Who better than Mike than to eventually show or tell Jesse the truth about Walt’s lies? Jesse is going to be pissed when he finds out Walt was there when Jane died. Jesse is going to go apeshit when he finds out Walt poisoned Brock.
I still have a hard time believing Sal’s bodyguard lifted that pack of cigarettes off Jessie and would have liked to have known how Gus got the berries to Brock. But I’m not going to nitpick the goodness this show delivered on a week-in, week-out basis.
Walt using his neighbor like that was so wrong which made it right up Walt’s alley. Only Walter White can make people root for cancer and I’m thinking a lot of people are rooting for cancer to show up on Walt’s doorstep next season.
Alan Sepinwall interviewed show creator Vince Gilligan. It’s a good read and we find out all sorts of things like the neighbor was actually Vince’s mom. Nice. Also nice? Seeing Gus or Tio in flashbacks next season.
The A.V. Club with a walk-through this season with Gilligan. Sweet. Part Two has some thoughts on the music of the show including details on my personal favorite Breaking Bad song, “1977” from Ana Tijoux. The Breaking Bad playlist on Spotify is gold.

--Maybe it was because I was mostly paying attention to the clock counting the minutes until Breaking Bad, but I didn’t care much for Dexter this week. Now if it was Aaron Paul playing the student religious freak and not Colin Hanks we might have something. As it is that angle isn’t going to do much for me I think.
I like Mos Def although Brother Sam and Dexter’s relationship felt too forced and fast-tracked for me. And Dexter’s narration about Sam being such a terrible monster was so heavy-handed that it just seemed to take forever for the predictable Brother Sam may just be a good guy turn.
I get it, the chick from Heroes is hot.

--Yeah, I think Homeland and I are going to get along just fine. Damian Lewis, Claire Danes, and Mandy Patinkin are delivering the goods. Two episodes in and I’ve yet to roll my eyes at any subplot.

--I could only make it halfway through American Horror Story. Dumb.

--Shaken to my core that I not only bought yogurt, but actually like it. A lot. Is there a support group for guys like me? You know, guys who don't eat red meat, but do eat yogurt. Thank God I drink otherwise I might get a reputation...(presses play on Death Cab for Cutie playlist)

--If I owned a hardware store there is a 100% chance I would have a “Zombie Preparedness Center” like these nine Ace Hardware stores in Nebraska. From the Omaha World-Herald article: “Westlake's online zombie defense guide includes a 20-point ‘frequently asked questions’ section. Sample question: ‘A zombie fell and put a hole in my drywall. What tools will I need to fix this?’ The store suggests patching up zombie-shape drywall holes with spackle, a putty knife and sandpaper.”
Can you imagine if when Brody from Homeland was buying his garage door tools he stumbled on to a “Zombie Preparedness Center”?

It's been too long since I've revisited Igby Goes Down.

--That’s the type of UFC card you want to pay-per-view. Great stuff from beginning to end.
You always know you’re going to get a good fight when Joe Lauzon is involved. This one was good and also very short and not the way most people would have thought if told this fight wouldn’t last a minute. Melvin Guillard came out with his hair on fire and Joe put it out quickly in impressive fashion. Love watching that guy.
As good as that was Leonard Garcia and Nam Phan was what we expected. A straight up throwdown from beginning to end.
Chael Sonnen took care of business against Brian Stann then had the promo of the night calling out Anderson Silva.
If I can go through life without ever being kicked by Jose Aldo I’ll have lived a nice life.
I don’t know how Frankie Edgar does it. Gray Maynard had him dead to rights in that first round, but couldn’t finish him. Then Frankie somehow took control the rest of the way until finishing him in the 4th. Amazing performance.

--I’ve always said that golf courses need more sharks. And the Tour de France needs more antelopes.

--On a Sunday full of WTF’s Darrius Heyward-Bey having 99 yards is #1 for me.

--If you’ve been waiting for a good Amish beard feud then here ya go.

--Wait, Dr. Cox is in Master Card commercials now?

--Round one of Richard Harrow vs. Irish Furio goes to Irish Furio.
Sometimes I wish it was called New York Empire and we just visited Atlantic City. I usually have that thought when Van Alden or Lucy is on the screen. Still though, a terrific scene along the Boardwalk when Nucky tells Jimmy, The Commodore (please let him be 64) and everyone against him.

Also liked a little Regina Spektor at the end.

--Never have Houston concertgoers faced a more difficult choice than the one presented on Tuesday. Dolly Parton at Verizon or Insane Clown Posse at Warehouse. Decisions, decisions.

--The fact that Hank Williams Jr. now has a “diss track” for ESPN and Fox News tells you all you need to know about that whole thing. Here’s the video if you have A LOT of time on your hands.

--It’s probably not good when your city, in this case Topeka, can’t afford to prosecute domestic violence cases any longer.

--Dr. Pepper Ten, a diet soda for a man’s man. Yeah, good luck with that Dr. Pepper.

One of these manly diet sodas should cancel out my recent yogurt splurge.

--Are RTs allowed in blogs?
RT @ApeDonkey Buck Compton from Band of Brothers and Bubba from Forrest Gump as the new villains on Justified. Sounds good to me.
Yeah, I like that too although it’s going to be damn hard to top the Bennetts although I guess Dickie may still be around.

--It seems like Esquire has one of these every three months, but Rihanna is its Sexiest Woman Alive.
I'm a bigger fan of some of the runner-ups. Though not of Hope Solo who looks waaayyy too much like Dexter's sister to me. Somehow Alison Brie wasn't a runner-up though Emma Stone, Fiona Gublemann (Wilfred) and Mila Kunis were.

--See how much fun it can be to get a comfortable lead and build on it to the end? Let's do more of that UH.

Questions, comments or if you know you’re getting old because the last three nights you’ve had a heating pad on your lower back…

As I bust I really must encrust. This microphone rust with diamond fairy dust

2011-10-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--A nice Community this week. Well a nice episode, our Mean Clique wasn’t nice at all especially to that loser Todd. No offense. I know the group isn’t the nicest bunch of people kind of like the Seinfeld group, but they were particularly a bunch of jerks this episode. I did like when they all made excuses to their original lab partners. Obviously the best was Troy’s, “I need to catch up on Breaking Bad.” Michael K. Williams had his best moment of his brief run thus far though it gave Magnitude a sad when after the obligatory “Pop! Pop!” Professor Kane told him, “You know they’re laughing at you, not with you. That’s my theory.” I liked Chang’s B-story as well, especially he and the dean’s battling voiceovers towards the end. The show hasn't hit a home run in its first two episodes, but I'm going to keep the outfielders deep for next week's.
A.V. Club interviews (A.V. Club interview links will be a theme) Joel McHale. Can’t wait to see who they’re getting to play Daddy Winger.

--Yeah, I’m going to need that Pawnee book for Christmas and probably a 720 pillowcase as well. Even Ron read it and he only reads nautical novels and his own manifestos. Loved how Leslie wrote “get well soon” on Jerry’s copy. Much like the president’s enemies I too thought Burt Maclin was dead. I’ve never been more happy to be wrong.
“Oh God, not the Gotcha Dancers.”
“Is she going to powder her vagina?”

--Reason will prevail! Mac, “I don’t know how to express myself without anger and personal attacks.” Truer words for the Sunny clan, truer words.
Barnabas Reynolds
2010 – TooSoon
Now if you’ll excuse me I need some Wolf Cola – the right cola for closure.

--I like Archer, but it’s damn good to have the boys and girl of The League back. PUMPERNICKEL!
The Shiva Bowl Shuffle was great with MJD, Sydney Rice and even Brent Grimes getting some love.

“Bang, bang. What’s the hang?” Welcome back Taco. Highnotized.
I hope Raffi and his friend who looks like an illiterate wolverine, Dirty Randy, drop in more often than Raffi did last season.

--How am I supposed to take American Horror Story seriously if it’s going to have a husband cheating on Connie Britton?! By the way the lovely Mrs. Coach also confirmed that the Friday Night Lights movie is happening “for realsies.” How can you not love her?

--Is it legal for Zooey AND Lizzy to be in the same show. Ms. Caplan joining New Girl for a few episodes. Nice.

--Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to like this season of Sons of Anarchy much better than last. I liked the introduction the two new cops got, but I hate that they somehow flipped Juice or rather I hate what I feel is the very contrived way they’ve done so. I don’t know how motorcycle clubs operate. I just know what the show has shown me thus far. Juice has been with SAMCRO for years. In the time we’ve seen SAMCRO I don’t remember one instant of out and out racism. I do remember them battling white supremacists. I do remember them forging partnerships with black biker gangs. So I’m not buying that SAMCRO would suddenly put Juice’s feet to the fire because his father is black. I’m especially not buying Juice acting like a damn fool trying to get a sample of the drugs. He’s never been portrayed as someone without a brain before this season.
The letters have been a ticking time bomb we’ve been waiting to go off. I guess we’ll be waiting a little longer. I didn’t think or maybe didn’t want to believe Clay had anything to do with JT’s murder, but that was put to rest. I just kind of liked the idea of the conflict that would have ensued if it was Gemma and Unser who killed JT and covered it up. I guess I just didn’t want yet another Clay-Jax showdown. Either way I can’t imagine Clay surviving this season.

--PSA: Bored to Death is back on HBO this Monday.

--I seriously doubt Showtime is going to let Dexter end over $4 million. In a perfect world Michael C. Hall would sign on for one more season and we could stop doing Dexter-blood-paint-by-numbers seasons.

--Damn “cassette tape.” Getting removed from the dictionary is pretty much the ultimate insult. I still got love for ya though. As does Will Arnett on Up All Night. I get through this show in 15 minutes since I just fast-forward through any appearance by Maya Rudolph and/or Nick Cannon. Those are a good 15 minutes. I know they changed Maya’s role and I’m not sure what it was before, but it feels so shoehorned into what is otherwise a nice little comedy.

--There cannot be enough Cheryl Hines on Suburgatory.

--Luke - “How many moms does it take to screw in a light bulb?....None because they get you to do it, sucker.”

--Cannot wait for Pearl Jam Twenty to air October 21st on PBS.

--Better for MLB than having three deciding Game 5’s is having Terry Francona replace Tim McCarver for the first two games of the ALCS.

--People are surprised Dancing With The Stars isn’t judged on actual, you know, dancing?

--Top Chef: Just Desserts eliminated two more people this week. Megan and Katzie are gone as is just about all of the personality left in the cast. Regular Top Chef can’t get here soon enough.

--Not that I've watched Real World since Puck was on it, but gotta love Johnny Bananas suing Entourage for trademark infringement. Wouldn’t you rather see this trial than the trial of Michael Jackson’s doctor?

--Love that The Houston Press chose C & D Burger Shoppe as the subject of its café review. It doesn’t have the best burgers or best fries, but it has a helluva lot of personality and nostalgia. Also pretty good onion rings and milkshakes.

--Burglars of the Week come to us from California. A couple of teenagers broke into Kraig Stockard’s barn and stole some DVDs. Later when they watched them they discovered it was child porn. So these punk kid heroes actually went to the police to turn themselves in and let them know about this perv who spells Kraig with a ‘K’. Well done.

--Gay Bowl XI and UFC 136 both in Houston this weekend? Quite a weekend. Heavy MMA and the Chronicle's Jeremy Botter breaks down UFC 136. I’ll take Frankie Edgar in the lightweight title fight mostly because Gray Maynard bores me. I really can’t wait for Jose Aldo and Kenny Florian. Kenny doesn’t get this spotlight again unless he beats Aldo. I just can’t see it happening though. I always enjoy watching Joe Lauzon though Melvin Guillard is going to be tough to topple. Nam Phan was robbed the first time against Leonard Garcia and whoever wins it’s likely to be through chaotic violence. Sweet. Really, really good card. Represent Houston.

--If you can’t (and I couldn’t) wait to watch the first minute of Breaking Bad’s season finale then Hitfix.com has you covered here. It’s not anything crazy that’s going to ruin the finale or anything. It’s just the first minute of what should be an awesome finale.
A.V. Club interviews Dean Norris/Hank. Good stuff. For heavier stuff there’s their interview with Giancarlo Esposito/Gus. It’s impossible not to read his answers in Gus’s voice.

--Footloose would be better off by not showing its trailer on television.

--CFN.scout.com pointed this out…the Aggies are 1st in sacks and last in pass defense. Wow. That takes talent.

--People, when you are stoned and/or have marijuana in your pocket it is best NOT to pet a police K-9. I don’t know how much easier I can explain it.

--Eating contests are good. Eating contests that put people in the hospital are great. First, where do you think the “world’s hottest chili” competition would be held? Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Edinburgh, Scotland of course. It was a curry eating contest with a curry called the “Kismot Killer.” There were 20 total contestants at the beginning, but 10 dropped out after “witnessing the first 10 diners vomiting, collapsing, sweating, and panting.” The “winner” had to be taken to the hospital twice over a 5-hour span.

Questions, comments or if you were ERA's last customer on Friday and you hate that a good, very reasonably priced pizza place couldn't make it in Market Square...

Yes, yes, y'all - you don't stop. You keep it on - and shockin' the place.

2011-10-04T16:08:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--So uhhh, Breaking Bad is pretty good, huh? Another incredible episode in what may be one of the best seasons of television ever. Hyperbole? Maybe, but each week the stakes have been raised until we get Jesse holding a gun to Walt’s head while Walt implores him to pull the trigger. We get Walt and Jesse trying to take out Gus, but he sniffs out their plan. How? Well because he’s Gustavo Fring and by the time he replayed his conversation with Jesse over in his mind he realized the Albuquerque Rock ‘n’ Roll Express might have re-formed and plotted against him. I still think Gus and Tyrus both eat it, but I can see it going down in a hundred different ways because if there’s one certainty about this piece of New Mexico it’s that nothing is certain. As far as Brock being poisoned, depending on the direction of the wind I can believe it was an accident somehow, Walt did it, Gus did it or it’s something other than ricin. Can’t wait to see what happens next.
It seems like there would have been more police or security around the hospital if a boy was poisoned with ricin.
Am I the only one who thought when Skyler took a smoke break on the patio that a sniper was going to take her out then and there?
How about that image of the gun barrel’s imprint on Walt’s forehead? Holy crap.

--Dexter is back and the premiere had a high school reunion as a backdrop for our favorite blood splatter guy/flag football offensive lineman player. I’m slightly more intrigued by our villains this season as opposed to last. Only slightly because between them and Harrison’s preschool it was a lot of religiousy talk and I don’t feel like getting hit with religion on both of those fronts repeatedly. I did like the little snakes in a gut which made for one of the more interactive corpses we’ve seen in Miami. As for everything else, it’s everything else. La Guerta, Batista, Deb, etc. are just chances for me to go to the kitchen to get a beer or something to eat.

Is this the season Batista wonders about Dex? Between him mentioning how Dexter can slip in and out of his apartment undetected and Batista’s sister talking about Dexter’s nighttime relaxation methods I think we might be going that direction. Yawn. Everyone supporting actor and actress in that cast owes Michael C. Hall a percentage of their paycheck…except Jennifer Carpenter. Michael just did her wrong.

--It’s now four times in four weeks a team has trailed by at least 20 points only to come back and win. It happened four times all of last season. The Lions are my favorite non-Texans team so to see them do it against the Cowboys was just. too. damn. sweeeeeet.

--I’m trying to curb my enthusiasm about all this mini-season of Arrested Development along with a movie talk because we’ve had our hopes raised for something like this so many times before, but this time it’s really happening, right? Right?

--Solid Boardwalk Empire this week as the game really got underway and Nucky finally realized he has to change his gameplay. Hopefully at some point he makes Eli eat it. Couldn’t stand him last year and really can’t stand him this year. Mrs. Schroeder looks like she’s going to be a big help even if her Irish Furio comes in and complicates her personal life.
Gotta love Chalky and anytime we head to New York for some mixture of Rothstein, Luciano, and Meyer.
Didn’t miss Van Alden.

--If you’re one of the few people wondering when the hell is Chuck back? Friday, October 28th.

--It won’t happen because it’d be too awesome, but Idris Elba as the next James Bond would be outstanding.

--From the moment I saw the first trailer for Homeland I figured it would be a keeper and the premiere did nothing to dissuade me. Damian Lewis is perfect to play the role of a guy who you don’t know where he’s coming from or what exactly is going on in his head. I’m not quite ready to say that’s he’s a completely turned terrorist yet, but showing that scene of him beating his partner to death was ballsy this early in the game. A great cast from top to bottom helps to cut through all the clichés of pill popping genius, war veteran coming home to wife who moved on, pothead teenager, etc.

--It took three times to pass, but Senate Bill 344 finally did pass and so no more sexy time for people and their animal of choice. I don’t need to tell you what state this happened in do I? I’ll give you a hint. It rhymes with Florida.

--Make no mistake about it the first Mortal Kombat movie kicked ass. The good news is that there’s going to be another one. The bad news is it’s from the same director as Fame and Glee 3-D?!

--Liked flipping through these color photos of Babe Ruth from Life.

--It’s a Choose Your Drunk of the Week. In this corner we have Scott Grahg of Indiana. Scott was pulled over after driving like drunk people drive. He said he wasn’t doing anything wrong because he hadn’t even hit anything. Scott would be an awesome attorney. Anyway the police disagreed and took him to the hospital and while he was getting blood drawn Scott decided to throw a bag of his urine at the cop. I assume he hit the cop with it because he remains in jail. And in this corner we have Donald Gartner of Flo..you know the rest. Police originally found drunk Donald climbing out of the bushes at his neighbor’s house. So he spent all Sunday afternoon in jail getting sober. Apparently sober Donald is just as dumb as drunk Donald. Sober Donald was waiting for a ride at the police station and decided he’d just be better off if he tried to steal a car. Yeah, he tried twice before taking a short walk back to jail in handcuffs.

--First R.E.M. and now Hall & Oates?! There is no God.

--Does anyone really care if there’s another season or not of The Simpsons?

--I cannot wait for the first time Kevin Hart and Phil Dunphy meet on my television screen. Please tell me Phil has a Shaq impersonation in his bag o' tricks.

--People, when you get pulled over while you’re smoking a joint and a cop rolls up to your window make sure you put the joint out and throw it down, to your left, to your right, just don’t leave it in your f’n hand. Looking at you former prospect who we traded Michael Bourn for. Can’t we just have Ed Wade do the time for him?

--If you were wondering how many times you can have sex in a German soccer stadium before you get kicked out, the answer is two.

Questions, comments or if the thing you’re most proud of this summer is that you kept your electric bill under $100 each month…

No Beastie Boys Lyric. RIP Rebecca (not literally, on Just Desserts)

2011-09-30T16:26:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Community didn’t do much for me this week although maybe it's because I hold it to such a high standard. It’s rare, but really nothing much worked for me. Chang and Britta was just a waste of everyone’s time. I did like Martin Starr in his role as teacher and Model U.N. freak. Pierce had the line of the show with, “An Asian Annie. Obama’s America.”

--Parks and Recreation continued its phenomenal roll of great episodes. When Leslie asked April and Andy to get the calculators and Andy came back with the Rolodex I figured this would be another multiple view episode. There was no danger of this falling short for me since I knew Entertainment 720 was going to be involved. Bonus! Roy Hibbert. Jello-Shot helping Tom and Jean-Ralphio out was reminiscent of when Ben helped April and Andy become adults who keep their bills at room temperature. Next place I move into I’m installing a party switch.
Chris got to be his Chris-est in his angle with Ann.
Then we had Tammy 1, Tammy 0 and Ron sans mustache. Pretty weird looking at Ron without the ‘stache but he played the whipped, child-like obedient sycophant to Tammy 1 very well. Parks really should have just gone all out and brought on Margo Martindale’s Mags character from Justified for Tammy 0. Tammy 1 – “Oh are we playing a game where everyone says something stupid?” Gotta love April’s fascination with Tammy 1 and of course April thinking she could handle the moonshine because she’s Puerto Rican. Classic. We really need to have Leslie get drunk once every four episodes. EVERYBODY PANTS NOW!

--How did Sunny not tackle a Toddlers and Tiaras angle before this week? Great stuff as this has been my favorite start to a Sunny season out of the last few. From Frank’s diddle song to the gang's musical performances and of course this awesomeness...

--Mostly a collect our breath episode of Sons this week despite a nice, little explosion. I get the Tucson club was supposed to be our glimpse at the Charming chapter’s future, but it seemed unnecessary. I do like a couple of this season’s plot branches being the murder of Otto’s wife and her relationship with Bobby. Also Piney and Tara regarding JT. Nothing on Juice’s heritage this week and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to like whatever happens with that anyway.

--I wasn’t sure what to expect from ESPN’s latest documentary, Catching Hell. I mean what else is there to know about Steve Bartman? Especially since we knew he wasn’t going to be interviewed for this. They did a good job showing a ton of footage from various angles and talking to all the people around him and even one guy who heckled him. I liked how that moron admitted he’d been kicked out of a couple of games before. How do you get kicked out of a sporting event multiple times? Anyway it was crazy to relive that night and see what Bartman went through to get out of Wrigley. Major props to Wrigley Field security for trying to quell a potentially riotous situation. Without them this story would have had a tragic ending. Surreal to think that after Bartman got out of the ballpark he went with a security guard to her place and after watching television highlights began to grasp just what the hell had happened. I know the director is a Red Sox fan, but shoehorning Bill Buckner’s story into this was unnecessary as was the scapegoat sermon.

--Wait, there is/was a mobile strip club called The Booty Lounge parked outside of Ford Field for Lions home games?!

--There are a lot of reasons why I like Samba Grille and one more is that they accommodated a person who presented them with this list. If you’re looking for a special occasion dinner then I highly recommend Samba Grille. This place deserves more business than it's getting and I can't wait for its Fall menu.

--Damn I love baseball or rather I love baseball when it’s the final day of the regular season and there are four teams still trying to get the two wild card spots. Wednesday night was the greatest night in recent regular season history…unless you’re a Braves or Red Sox fan. If you kept score at home that’s a 7-20 September for Boston and a 9-18 September for Atlanta. The Braves held an 8.5 game lead on September 5th and their season is now over. Ouch.
The two teams that had winning records against Philly this season? St. Louis and Washington.

--Considering the mashers the Rangers have had the last several years I’m a little surprised this is the first year since 1999 Texas has had three players (Napoli, Beltre, Kinsler) hit 30 or more HRs.

--Radiohead doing “National Anthem” on Colbert was a pleasant surprise.

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Video Archive

--Don’t ever change PETA. PETA founder Ingird Newkirk on the NY Times photo, “It's downright offensive, not just to people who care about animals but almost to everyone. It's a plucked, beheaded, young chicken in a young pose. It's necrophilia. It's not amusing. It's just ghastly and sickly. It's not fitting for The New York Times."

--Boardwalk, Breaking Bad, and Homeland can fill up a Sunday night. Really looking forward to Homeland.

--Helluva run on Top Chef: Just Desserts for Houston's own one-armed Sugar Hooker aka Sugar Fairy aka Rebecca Masson. She was clearly the funniest chef on the show and a going away souvenir of her cast signed by Ad-Rock is pretty strong.

--Obviously Phoebe Cates getting out of the pool is one of cinema’s top five scenes of all-time. So of course I loved seeing it in a JC Penney commercial. But sorry people, the terrorists win. The spot has been pulled because it was sexist or something and they may have a point, but look Phoebe Cates!

--The Kardashians filling in for Kathie Lee on Today next week. Yeah, that’s about right.

--I don’t know if I’ll watch it every week or just record and zip through a bunch at one time, but I liked Suburgatory or I could just be in love with Cheryl Hines. Well obviously that, but it was all right. I have to rip through all the Awkwards I’ve been recording.

--It’s never easy in El Paso, but good God Coogs show up for a first quarter once in a while. And if you’re feeling up to it four quarters of defense would be nice as well.

--This out of Austin where a 68-year-old woman was being loaded into an ambulance after a domestic disturbance call at a mall. The woman had some minor injuries. She also has a 50-year-old son who might have some issues seeing as how he drove his car right into the stretcher she was laying on. They tried to get her out of the way when they saw the car, but no such luck. She died. The son’s getaway was short-lived as he drove right into a police car.

Questions, comments or if you’re The Magnificent…

I seen her just the other day. Jockin' Mike D. to my dismay.

2011-09-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Breaking Bad is on a roll that very few shows have ever or could ever possibly match. We knew it was going to hit the fan when Walt eventually found out about Skyler giving money to Thom Brennaman-look alike Ted Beneke. This revelation finally happens after Gus tells Walt that he’s no longer needed, GTFO and oh and I’m killing your brother-in-law. Walt is a broken, panicked man when Skyler tells him about the money so all he can do is laugh hysterically. Fantastic scene and as usual it was shot beautifully as we see his hysteria and sadness through the opening in the crawl space as the camera moves higher and higher. Though nothing cooler than the shot of Gus and crew telling Walt what’s up in the desert as the sun goes behind a cloud only to reappear shortly thereafter. Awesome. Everyone is in danger and I don’t know what’s going to happen next. But I do think they’ve built up Gus to be such a BMF that I can see him getting killed off at some point over the final two episodes this season especially if he doesn’t have his direwolf Mike by his side. Never, ever go anywhere without your direwolf.
Most underrated sympathetic character on the show? Walt’s car. That Aztec has been through some sh**.
Videogum with some Breaking Bad audition tapes. I'd like to see Gustavo's.

--“I used to kiss his little winky.” Uhhh, welcome back Boardwalk Empire? Holy crap does Nucky have his work cut out for him with threats on all sides. The Commodore is bent on taking back what he thinks is rightfully his, but at least Jimmy seems somewhat conflicted about plotting against the man who raised him. Should be interesting to see if Jimmy stays on Team Commodore. As for Eli who the hell knows. I loved Nucky’s speech that started at a black church and ended at a Klan funeral. Very Nucky of him.
I knew Chalky was supposed to get more play this season, but I was hoping it wouldn’t come courtesy of a Gatling gun in the opening scene. Wow. I think this was the first episode where I was looking at Chalky, but wasn’t thinking about Omar.
Richard Harrow owns every second he’s on the screen. His envy of Jimmy’s home life and later cutting out the pictures of family scenes was about as sad as you can get.
Probably the biggest laugh I had all weekend was the bouncy bed swerve with Van Alden. Good stuff from a guy who orders glasses of cold buttermilk with dinner.
I missed watching this little slice of crazy from the Boardwalk in the early 1920’s even if we didn’t get any Arnold Rothstein or Lucky Luciano this week.

--The end of an era passed last Friday as All My Children signed off on ABC after more than 40 years on the air. I was raised on it and Ryan’s Hope which is to say I was raised to believe hospitals are the place to be, jet skis are dangerous, kids can age dramatically overnight, pregnancies happen EVERY time you have sex, everyone is rich, there are no fat people, everyone has a crazy twin and a stalker and often they’re the same person and death is only temporary. Thanks mom for laying out the facts of life for me in such an entertaining way. I could write and write about Greg and Jenny, Tad and Dixie, Jesse and Angie, the Chandlers, Palmer, the Martins, Hayward, Greenlee, the Kane women, etc. But I won’t. Not after watching a finale that made me want to throw up a middle finger to all who were responsible for the last 15 minutes of this legendary soap. 40 years and you give us an ambiguous ending with a gunshot and cut to black?!?! What kind of thank you is that to your viewers?! Are you stupid enough to believe more than 10% of your television audience is going to continue to watch this series online?! Ain’t f’n happening and especially now. There were a million ways to end this gracefully without a villainous act from the worst actor on the show. Give us a 15-minute montage at the end, a speech from Erica, a Tad and Dixie quickie wedding, show Babe-Cara-Greenlee as the new Charlie’s Angels, make it all Stewart’s dream. Anything, just don’t give us a soapy interpretation of the Sopranos final scene. Pathetic All My Children. Utterly and completely pathetic. Ray Gardner thinks you should be ashamed of yourself. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go decipher this awesome timeline of all the relationships Pine Valley ever saw to make me forget that crap.

--I wasn’t expecting much from Terra Nova so maybe that’s why I liked it. That or I’m just a sucker for anything having to do with dinosaurs. Yeah, probably the latter since I’m rooting for them so far.

--A nice “Where Are They Now?” for The Wire crew. I was already looking forward to Suburgatory for Cheryl Hines reasons, but Randy is in it too!!!

--Did not think that come Week 4 I’d be more worried about the Raiders than the Steelers. As for the Saints, I’m not going to freak out.

--It’s not just that the Bills are 3-0 it’s that they overcame 18-point deficits in those last two wins. No one would’ve bet on Buffalo down 21-0 to New England with two minutes to go before the half.

--On the flip side the Vikings are 0-3 with all three losses coming in games in which they had double-digit halftime leads. Ouch.

--I should have known better than to get my hopes up for Weeds, but they seemed to be going in a different direction. Nope. Same old crap. Silas goes back under his mother’s thumb. Mother gets everything she wants. Shane, well why bother. Andy might as well have taken the season off. There were spots that gave me hope for this show for the first time in years, but the finale was a complete disconnect from the season up to that point.

Who cares?

--Brazil is scary enough on land without having to be scared of what’s in the water. About 100 people at the beach the other day were bitten by piranhas. Apparently they have a “piranha overpopulation situation.” Any population of piranhas is an overpopulation as far as I’m concerned. Officials have released brave, expendable tilapia to try and sate the piranhas blood thirst. Godspeed tilapia. Godspeed.

--Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari are trying to work things out. Whew.

--Sticking with love stories it’s nice to see couples do a little bit of extra work in order to give themselves their dream wedding. Like Joseph and April in Pennsylvania. Four days before the wedding they were hard at work taking copper from 18 utility poles. Yeah, they were busted.

--How many times do I have to explain that KKK members DON'T have sprinkles on their hoods, but ice cream cones do?

--Maura Tierney to The Office. I like.

--Remember when Chris Johnson was, you know, good? I’m sure it’s just a matter of time or maybe just the first time he plays the Texans, but 98 yards on 46 attempts is mind boggling.

--“Franchise potential”? Look, I loved the Dead Island video game trailer just as much as the next zombie mark, but building a movie around it and calling it franchise potential seems a little much.

Questions, comments or if you’re counting the minutes...

Parlez romancing into the financing. Opened up a restaurant with Ted Danson.

2011-09-24T08:39:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--God I missed those human beings from Greendale Community College. The song was great and I’m pretty sure that within 45 seconds after it happened there were GIFs of Annie from her skirt flying up at the end of the song. There were two new characters to introduce and some time spent on Dean Pelton so there was a lot to do and I thought it succeeded for the most part. Troy, “Dean you seem different. Are you in a play right now?” Hopefully Dean Pelton gets to open his monkey hotel at some point in his life. His scenes with John Goodman worked for me so I guess I’m over hating Goodman for his character on Treme. Michael K. Williams as the professor worked to a lesser extent, but he got to put Jeff in his place which set the ball rolling on Jeff’s away time from the group. Jeff got to know what a scary, Chang-filled world it is out there and cut his too cool for school shtick down to size. I liked how they handled putting Pierce back in the group. Not a home run, but a nice start. Oh and next week they best get back to Troy and Abed tags at the end. Cougarton Abbey. Nice.

--Parks and Recreation picked up where it left off in terms of the show and in terms of the high, high consistent quality we’ve come to expect. Starting with Ron putting his Tammy 1 evacuation plan into full effect. Loved watching him take that handle and stick it into the wall so he could use it to reach his emergency backpack. Ronald, “I keep a sizable amount of ground chuck in my desk. Move it or it will begin to smell. Godspeed.” Loved Leslie having an emergency s’mores provisions in her trunk although she didn’t heed Ron’s three rules: No talk about Tammy 1. No talk about Ben. No talk. I thought they handled Leslie and Ben about as nicely as they could because it would have been very easy to screw that up. And thank the heavens we get Andy as Leslie’s assistant. Awesome sauce. Andy’s little look at the camera as he discussed working at a “start-up” was gold. As was anything April did. Ending an argumentative phone call with a simple “I love you” reminded me of when Nuno and Raheel would do that at the end of their interviews. It will never not be funny.
Ann’s little subplot wasn’t bad and allowed Chris to get off a couple of lines. Chris after the first round of dong shots, “I want to apologize to all the women…and Jerry.” “The testicles are like the ears of the genitalia system. They serve a very important function, but they’re not that great to look at.”

While I appreciate NBC selling Leslie Knope campaign paraphernalia I really want an Entertainment 720 umbrella and fireplace stoker.

--Phil Dunphy - “Buffalo Phil. Worth the wait.” I wish I could say the same thing about Modern Family despite Sofia Vergara being in another bouncy-bouncy scene. Neither episode did much for me. It’s not like I think it’s bad, I just hold it to a higher standard that it hasn’t met too often for a while. Did anything Claire did in either episode make you think, “Oh yeah, that’s an Emmy winner”? Not of fan of Dylan leaving if he’s really gone.

--Damn Jax, how ya gonna lie to Opie’s face like that? Unless you’re lying to Tara’s face and Megan Siff’s face is much prettier than Ryan Hurst.
Lay hands on Gemma again Clay, I dare you.
C’mon Sons, Lem (impossible to call him anything else) isn’t stupid enough to hop a fence to shoot hoops while he has a truckload of guns waiting. Hated that.
So Roosevelt is going to need Tara’s help at some point, right?
Not really buying the club getting pissed if/when it finds out Juice has a black father.

--Nice job Weeds. I’m looking forward to the finale or an episode period for the first time in years.

--It’s hard to judge off of one episode, but I think Andy in charge of The Office will be okay. It's not like the show has been firing on all cylinders in a while anyway. The cast is so large there really wasn’t a pressing need to shoehorn a new person in. The way they explained James Spader’s random appearances lets Robert California come and go as warranted. The highlights? Dwight doing his part as a heroic anti-planker and Stanley’s new tag line, “and shove it up your butt.” The show hasn’t been the same for quite a while and really they need to put a bullet in it or have everyone go out Cougarton Abbey-style

--Seriously Fox, another Gordon Ramsay show?! There’s an interview with him in Playboy which may or may not still have print editions. Anyway, Gordie isn’t lacking for confidence should the day comes he finds himself in Kitchen Stadium, “I f’n guarantee I will come up with the best dish across those ingredients, hands down... I'd win Iron Chef, guaranteed.” Of course maybe he just knows the possibility of him ever being on that show is zero.

--Charlie Sheen’s roast is done so hopefully I don’t see him on my television in anything other than Cadence reruns.

--If you’ve been to Atlantic City anytime in the past 15 years or so then you know Sunny nailed it. That place is seriously creepy and just plain strange. Right up Charlie’s alley to be sure. If some place on the Boardwalk isn’t selling rum hams today they’re missing out on a goldmine. I’ve probably watched the Mac/guido and Dennis/Dee montages five times now. Sunny is coming out of the gates strong this season.

The only Atlantic City I like is the one I’ll be seeing Sunday on HBO.

--I decided to see if Whitney was as bad as it looked. It was worse. It says live studio audience, but it sounded like a laugh track because I can’t imagine anyone laughing that often at what I watched for 135 seconds.

--New Girl wasn’t bad, but maybe that’s because I’m a Zooey Deschanel mark and I randomly sing made up songs. Damon Wayans Jr. sure looks like Damon Wayans. I need to check IMDB to see if they’re related or something. Weird that the pilot will be his only episode after his previous series, Happy Endings, was renewed. His character was the strongest out of the three guys.

--I gave Up All Night another shot and Will Arnett and Christina Applegate are great together. Everything else, meh.

--Seriously who knew R.E.M. was still even together?

--Rebecca Masson made it to the Ad-Rock episode next week on Top Chef: Just Desserts! Not only but she was knocking stuff out of the park this week finishing on top in each challenge just not the tippy-top. After this is done we’ll welcome those cowgirls and cowboy below.

--Gotta love the way Barbara Hijek from the Sun-Sentinel hooks you into the story with her first line: “Did you hear the one about a cop, a hooker, a fake flaccid ding-dong and a possum?” No, but I could have guessed this took place in Florida. An undercover deputy asked a prostitute to join him in his car. She did because that’s what prostitutes do. She then asked to see his goods and out came the rubber slam-a-lam-a-ding-dong. The prostitute approved and then the cop asked if he could put a condom on before she gave him oral sex because I guess he didn't even want his fake penis to contract something from the likes of a typical Florida prostitute. So as she was performing he was driving. That is until a possum darted out and he slammed on the brakes. So endeth the fun and Christina Hope’s freedom.

--Scarface remake?! Too far Hollywood.

--So they just replaced a dragon with a dolphin for A Dolphin’s Tale, right?

--Maybe it’s just me, but if you’re driving around smoking pot maybe you want to take down the sun screening device?! It kind of draws attention. C’mon Marcus Camby even Jerome Simpson thinks that’s a bad idea.

--We all take our fast food orders seriously so if you go to Taco Bell and they forget to give you hot sauce there’ll be hell to pay. In Missouri a guy drove back to the Taco Bell that forgot his hot sauce and handed back his order. Then he pointed a shotgun through the drive-through window. Yeah, he was arrested. This story would have had a better ending if he tried to pull that crap at a Los Pollos Hermanos.

--I highly recommend reading Louis CK discussing the Dane Cook episode. Good stuff.

--A Walking Dead talk show to air after Walking Dead is just dumb beyond it being called Talking Dead. It’s a freakin’ zombie show. Not that this would work for any show present or past with the possible exception of Lost.

Questions, comments or if you’re savoring the fact that at this is the weekend you don’t have to sweat the Coogs blowing one to an inferior team…we don't have to sweat, right?

Everybody's Rapping Like It's A Commercial. Actin' Like Life Is A Big Commercial.

2011-09-19T16:15:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Wow, we still have three more episodes of Breaking Bad left this season? How can it top what it’s given us the last few weeks? It’s not easy to take the intensity and suspense up a level after a mass poisoning of a cartel. Un-freaking real. Gus! Gus! Gus! Before all that though, Jesse! Jesse! Jesse! For the second week in a row Jesse got to lay the smacketh down. This time verbally blasting the cartel’s chemist Carlo Rota who you may remember from 24. Jesse – “Then you know what a**hole means.” It was nice to see Jesse succeed. The best was seeing Gus and Mike smile approvingly at their pupil.
Mike - “I’ll promise you this – either we’re all going home or none of us are.” Things were already tense, but once Mike says that you know it’s about to be on. Although it’s not like you could ever tell by looking at Gus. He drinks poison, but rather than shut the bathroom door and immediately start vomiting it back up he takes the time to calmly take his jacket off and fold it all nice and neat, same with a towel to kneel on before sticking his finger down his throat.
Walt Jr. was terrific in his first extended action this season. You hated Walter for lying right to his son’s face even though he had to. And then as he drifts off into vicodin land after his son puts him back in bed, “That’s good Jesse.” Boom. Walter’s conversation with him about his own dad was Bryan Cranston at his finest. Fantastic scene and effective story that gave us some real insight into the real Walter White and not some lie or alter ego.
“IFT” should be “IFADUMBASSWHOISMESSINGWITHMYSHID.” And of course Skyler bought Walter Jr. a PT Cruiser. At least he can play his “tunes” on that fancy CD player.
I don’t know where this show is going next and I’m not even going to speculate. I’m just going to sit back, say some prayers for Gus and Mike and enjoy the ride.
The Emmys should be a lot shorter next year since they can just invite the cast of Breaking Bad to the stage and give them all the ~~bacon and eggs~~ awards they have.

Pretty much my reaction for the entire poisoning scene/shootout. Hard to believe Gus would escape Brooklyn to run the biggest meth operation in the Southwest.

--I didn’t have high hopes for Jane Lynch hosting The Emmys so stuck with football flipping back for only the awards themselves. I did like when Don Draper kicked her out for saying in the future people were going to fast-forward through commercials. The live performance of “Hallelujah” during the In Memoriam was as awful as whatever Joel McHale and Wilmer Valderrama and whoever else was doing with that singing thing.
Anyway I was ecstatic about one particular that I’m sure you can guess. Kyle Chandler/Coach Taylor winning Outstanding Actor over the likes of Jon Hamm, Hugh Laurie, Michael C. Hall, Steve Buscemi, and Timothy Olyphant! We’re talking heavyweights and Coach Taylor gets a victory that surprises him more than anyone else in the room. Awesome and a nice little shout out to Austin too. I would have loved for Connie Britton to win too, but no such luck. However an Outstanding Writing Emmy for Jason Katims is nice and reminds me to remind you to give Parenthood a shot.

The Supporting Actor/Actress Drama awards went to the right people with Peter Dinklage winning for his great performance as Tyrion. I did find it a little odd he didn’t thank George R.R. Martin for writing the books because those were kind of important. No winner was more justified (no pun intended) than Margo Martindale who killed it and herself as Mags.
Modern Family cleaned up. Ty Burrell – fine. Julie Bowen – huh? Shouldn’t an Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy actually make you laugh. She’s a fine straight woman for Phil Dunphy, but that’s it. Well Sofia Vergara did win the Red Carpet as far as I was concerned. She also wins Vanity Fair.

Biggest joke of the night? No doubt it was Steve Carell once again getting overlooked for Outstanding Actor in a Comedy. How through seven seasons of Michael Scott he never got a single Emmy is inexcusable. His best work, not the show’s, but his best work was in his final season and yet Jim Parsons from The Big Bang Theory?! Whatever.

--One thing is for sure, that was the most entertaining Floyd pay-per-view I’ve seen in a long time. There was blame to spread all around in this fiasco. Victor Ortiz’s headbutt was indefensible, classless and straight dirty. He only compounded his eventual problem by wanting to make amends with Floyd with kisses and hugs and fist bumps and other forms of lovemaking. It was really odd. Dude, it’s a fight. You did something dirty, apologized, got a point deduction, but the fight does go on. Joe Cortez was clueless to the surprise of no one. He called time in and that was the last time he looked at the fighters. Huh?!? As for Floyd, I thought it was cheap, but I’m not going to hold his feet to the fire. Victor should have protected himself and his dumbassedness caused everything in the first place. What Floyd did was take away from what up to that point was vintage Floyd. It’s hard to know what to expect from a fighter in his mid-30s after a 15-month layoff, but Floyd looked like Floyd always does.
Erik Morales = man. I don’t know how he does it. I thought he was done years ago and yet he’s still around with a seemingly endless amount of blood and guts.
Canelo Alvarez handled Alfonso Gomez although that really was a premature stoppage.

--It’s good to have the boys and girl from Sunny back on the screen. Even if they have to smoosh together so they can all fit on said screen since Mac has discovered chimichangas. Dennis, “The older I get. The more vigilant I become.” Truer words. I just did 100 hummingbirds while typing that. I was trying to place Roxy the whole episode until @fidoz pointed out it was Alanna Ubach from Men of a Certain Age. Loved it when she flashed her cash at the fancy clothes place. Face! But if there are two words to sum up Sunny this week for me clearly those words are “boiled denim.” As in Charlie making “a pretty penny in boiled denims.” As in Frank explaining, “I love eggs, Charlie, and I love crabs. And I love boiling denim and banging whores. And if anyone doesn’t like that about me they don’t have to stick around.” Such a simple man.

--I know we all want The League back asap, but a nice three-part Archer will do just fine in the meantime. This week was the first of the three as Archer tries to hide from ISIS/his mother with Rick Rip Riley (perfectly voiced by Patrick Warburton) on his tail. Rip isn’t exactly the youngest of bounty hunters.

Archer the Pirate King should be fun.
Sploosh.

--I lasted about ten minutes or Up All Night or until I saw Maya Rudolph and Nick Cannon. I can’t explain why I dislike Maya so much, but I do. She’ll get over it.

--“Pop. Pop what?! Pop what, Magnitude?! What is he trying to say?!” - I cannot wait for a new Community this week. Not to mention Parks and Rec.

--940 passing yards in two games is a little ridiculous Tom Brady. He fell five yards short of the record for most passing yards in back-to-back games. Want to take a shot at who has that record? I would have guessed for a long, long time before making my way down to Phil Simms. By the way, the first Bill Belichick: A Football Life on NFL Network was good stuff.

--Since we’re on the subject of ridiculous passing numbers. Cam Newton obviously set a mark for a rookie’s first two games total of passing yards. Whose record did he shatter? Todd Marinovich who may or may not be dead, in prison, high.

--A Simpsons channel? Make it happen.

--Source Code on CBS? Maybe. A remade version of Beauty and the Beast on CW? Nope.

--We don’t have to live near the Mexican border to know cartels don’t play. We watch Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy and cartels have kind of a reputation. In Nuevo Laredo last week a couple of bloody, mutilated corpses were left to hang from a bridge. Why? Apparently the cartel is monitoring social media now and these particular people came out against the cartel. Wow. There were also signs around the bodies including one that read, “This is going to happen to all of those posting funny things on the Internet. You better f’n pay attention. I’m about to get you.”

--The beauty of Spotify is there was zero chance I was ever going to give Das Racist or Ladytron a chance without it. Good stuff.

--Looking good Netflix. Looking good.

--An hour-long Colbert Report? Sweet. An hour-long Colbert featuring Radiohead? Fantastic. Next Monday it goes down.

--Love when The AV Club does these episode by episode reviews with show creators like they did with Community’s Dan Harmon. This time Louie gets the treatment.

--There are bad commercials and then there’s J-Lo and Fiat. Not sure what you were going for there Fiat, but umm…no.

--Fantasy team name I saw this week that's probably old, but I liked: What Would Jones Drew.

--I had long ago grown immune to college realignment talk, but the end of Big East basketball really pisses me off.

--I double-checked and yes the Titans did in fact beat the Ravens.

--Of course R. Kelly’s new album is called “Black Panties.”

Questions, comments or if you’re looking at Kansas City’s schedule in Weeks 14, 15 and 16 for fantasy match-ups….seriously 0-2, outscored 89-10, Jamaal Charles and Eric Berry lost for the season, ouch…

Your rhyme technique, it is antique . To all my heads Qu'est-ce-que tu fabriques?

2011-09-14T17:30:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--On a day when the Texans dismantled the Colts 34-7 this was easily the best moment.

The NFL really nailed these league-wide commemorations. The only sound at Reliant during that was the sound of the A/C running.

--Tragic news about one of television’s BMF’ers. Andy Whitfield who played Spartacus on Blood and Sand passed away from Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. RIP.

--Sh** meet fan. Fan meet sh**. What an hour of Breaking Bad this week. I don’t even know where to begin so let’s just go to the end. Fantastic scene between Walt and Jesse. It had its usual cool scene-framing, excellent dialogue and of course Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul made it all come to life. This fight was a long time coming and when Walt made his crack about Jesse screwing up like he knows he will, Walt was begging to be punched. So once Jesse made sure Walt could walk so he could get the F out of there we got the end we were shown at the beginning. This time it was pretty easy in that beginning to realize it was Walt who was bleeding and picking up his glasses. Walt’s paranoia has cost him the one sympathetic partner in crime he had. Gus and Jesse were trying to work Walt when Jesse was explaining the Mexico/cartel situation, right? Something didn’t sit right with me the way Jesse was explaining that to Walt.
I assume they want Walt to be the one to go to Mexico and that’s why Walt thinks Jesse signed his death warrant. Either way incredible scene and a good fight by television fight standards.
Gus’s walk into sniper fire. Holy crap. Should I ever have a son Gustavo Riggins is the front-runner for his name. That scene led to Mike’s great deadpan advice to Jesse, “Next time, don’t stand there like an idiot. Run, move your feet and so forth.
In screwed if you do and screwed if you don’t news we have Skyler and the “T” in IFT. I can’t wait to see the look on Walt’s face once he finds out she’s giving Ted $600 grand. At least I think that’s what she’s going to do. Or maybe Saul is asked to find a guy to handle the Ted problem. It can’t be that hard to rig up an “accident” for a car like the Geo Ted is now driving.

--Curb’s finale didn’t do all that much for me. I like me some Alex P. Keaton, but the Parkinson’s shaking stuff just didn’t work. Michael Bloomberg was probably the most unnecessary and flat cameo ever on the show. Greg was fabulous, but all we did was wait for the inevitable swastika joke. However, give me some webisodes of Larry and Leon in Paris and we’ll call it even. All in all it was a season whose high points were the highest its reached in a while.

--Gotta love Danny Trejo and Benito Martinez joining Sons of Anarchy. I’m sure SAMCRO will piss off the cartel at some point but for this episode it was good to see everyone play nice, well except for the Russians, but we don’t have to worry about them any longer. At least I think so, I mean the cartel already said they put the word SAMCRO is off limits. I guess something got lost in translation.
I can understand why Clay and Jax are basically selling out the club, but it still seems pretty out of character. They’ve put themselves above the club and there will be hell to pay from within. And probably more hell to pay from Sheriff Roosevelt who was fantastic in his scene busting up the clubhouse.
I know we probably won’t get answers anytime soon, but I’m curious as to who knows or did what to John Teller among Gemma, Clay, and Unser.

Oh, so many good times.

--So nice to have Sunny and Archer back this week.

--If things would have worked out just slightly differently Basketball Wives’ ratings would be through the roof with Sarah Palin.

--I can say with 100% absolute certainty that I am not a “sweet genius.” Those Food Network promos for it don’t exactly make you want to watch.

--You know I’m down with an Achtung Baby cover album. Jack White – “Love is Blindness”? Yes, please.

--I do a lot of things when handling knives or something sharp in the kitchen where I think to myself “Yeah, this is a bad idea.” Jeremy Affeldt probably had that same thought when he took a sharp knife to separate frozen burgers. He cut himself deep enough to cause nerve damage and take him out of the Giants bullpen the rest of the year. Whoops.

--Do y’all remember that Ted Ginn guy from Ohio State a few years ago? I wonder if that Niner Ted Ginn who had those special teams touchdowns is related to him.

--I didn’t watch the Entourage series finale, but I loved reading its reviews. Apparently it sucked. Go figure.

--You have a cosmetic surgery addiction when you find yourself injecting hot beef fat into your face. Janet Hardt had a cosmetic surgery addiction. The 63-year-old went to the hospital after her latest self-injection and died shortly thereafter, but not because of that. Apparently she had a nasty case of peritonitis caused by a bacterial infection, but unrelated to the injections. In summary, injecting hot beef fat into your face does not (always) kill you.

--As for that Sex and The City prequel series, don’t worry you won’t accidentally stumble across it while flipping channels. It’s going to be on CW or The CW or whatever it is.

--Of course Point Break may get the remake treatment. Seriously, how can you have a Point Break remake without surfing? At that point isn’t just another undercover cop/heist movie?

--There are a lot of bad college alternate uniforms out there. Army and Navy’s aren’t among them.

--I finally went through all the 24/7s for Mayweather and Ortiz. The first one was good because we got some of that trademark Mayweather father-son quality time. The more and more I look at this fight the more and more I’m surprised Floyd took it. Victor has power in both hands, is 10 years younger, has actually fought in the last 15 months, but Floyd doesn’t take fights he might lose. But maybe this time. Maybe, although I’m going with Floyd by decision.

--I had no idea what H8R was about until I read Dan Fineberg’s review of it on Hitfix.com. Ummm, how does something like this greenlighted? Unbelievable. Read the awesomely scathing review.

--Nice Friday Night Lights shout on Parenthood’s season debut. Quality, quality show that has lots of Dillon connections including Jason Katims an executive producer on FNL. It reminds me of a little more expansive Men of a Certain Age in more ways than I think it will get canceled before its time.

--Really CNN? What the hell kind of debate ya running there?

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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--Novak Djokovic = man. I watched his last two matches in full and couldn’t believe the way he derailed Roger Federer and worked through his back problems to take out Rafael Nadal. Nadal had all the momentum in the world after that 3rd set and then Djokovic took the world’s best medical timeout ever before stomping Nadal in the 4th. That match had more great rallies than any match in recent memory. Although to be fair my recent memory goes back to about the first of September.

Questions, comments or if you’ve now spent at least one day on the air on all four sports stations…

And we're puttin' it on wax. It's the new style.

2011-09-10T13:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Texans:

Long-time fan, first-time believer. Quite simply it’s time. For nine seasons I’ve sat in the press box, sat in the stands, sat on the couch and watched you come up losers more times than winners. September 8, 2002 you came up a winner and you let us know what we were missing from our lives. Football pride. I’ve said his name in vain more times than I’d care to remember over the past year or so, but thank you Bob McNair for bringing that feeling to Houston for the first time in years. But I'm gonna need that feeling more often this season.

As I started to write this I wrote about the highs, but mostly lows that I’ve experienced over those first nine seasons. I complained about Charley Casserly, Gary Kubiak, Rick Smith and Matt Stevens (sorry Matt, but I can’t quit you). All those things that have made me cynical over the years. Then I hit delete because it’s not about our past it’s about Week One of the rest of our lives. Overly dramatic? Of course, but it’s football. Everything is magnified and if you’re not rushing to judgment then you’re moseying on over to logic and common sense. And we all know there’s no room for logic and common sense when discussing football!

Bottom line. Win. Please for the love of Billy Miller’s franchise-opening TD, just win. Expectations have never been higher and the stars never more aligned. If not now, when? If not you, who? If not moronic parking personnel, how about merely dumb? Those first nine seasons don’t matter. This is the only one you can control. This is the only one that matters. This season. This division. This game. This snap. It’s yours. Not because you’re due or because we as fans have suffered too long. It’s yours because you’re simply better than the Colts, the Titans and the Jaguars. You’re a playoff team. You haven’t done it yet. You haven’t lined up and played a single snap yet. And yet I believe. And as a native Houstonian that might be the biggest miracle of all.

Sincerely,

Former Oilers Fan - Former Texans Cynic - Current Texans Believer.

P.S. If you f’n lose to a non-Peyton Colts team at home on Sunday you can all go to hell :)

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Steven Wright, Chris Rock, and Pamela Adlon. Obviously I was a big fan of Louie this week. The end with Pamela was some crushingly sweet stuff. “Wait for you?!” Surprised we didn’t get back to Louie and his 13-year-old niece living with him, but then Louie isn’t exactly serialized.
Just a fantastic season up and down that didn’t have to make you laugh to make you enjoy what you were watching no matter how uncomfortable or depressing it got. I can’t wait to see what Louie has in store for next season. I have a feeling it will involve a lot of testicle talk, unrequited love, dark humor, fart humor and those little girls being little girls.

--Wilfred – “Wait! I was wrong! I do want pizza!”

Really liked Wilfred’s finale as we got to understand more about Ryan’s lawyer days. Ryan had himself a nice, evil plan to get the girl, but it all went haywire. Now the girl thinks she’s pregnant with Chris Klein’s child. A scary proposition for any woman. Then of course the big reveal at the end that the basement he and Wilfred had their playtime in was simply a closet. Though I’ll say the who, what, why of Wilfred doesn’t interest me as much as others. I just like watching this dark little comedy as we explore the tangled web of Ryan, Wilfred, Jenna, and Bear. This show could easily be a disaster, but Elijah Wood and Jason Gann are given good material and absolutely knock out their roles.
Ryan pissed at Wilfie about his Lost metaphor – “I’ve seen Lost, Wilfred.”
Wilfred – “What did you think about the ending?’

--Can. Not. Wait.

--Cat Cora opening up a restaurant inside Intercontinental?!

--That’s my one-armed Sugar Hooker! Rebecca was on the bottom of the Quickfire, but the top of the bottom in the Elimination Challenge to make it one week closer to Ad-Rock’s appearance on the show and isn’t that the real prize this year? Full recap on Ape Donkey.

--Anyone who is criticizing Toddlers and Tiaras for dressing one of the girls in Julia Roberts’ prostitute outfit has clearly never seen the show because this and worse is pretty much a weekly thing.

--Arturo Gatti was murdered? No sh**.

--Way to f it up Nick Diaz.

--When I see the trailers for Warrior I think eh. And yet 82% on Rotten Tomatoes.

--How is Childish Gambino just now getting a record deal? Seems like this could have been sewn up a while ago. Either way November his new one comes up or drops or whatever the term is these days.

--Real quick run through how the NFL season won’t turn out because it’s how I predict it.
AFC North - Ravens
NFC North - Packers
AFC South – Texans (10-6)
NFC South - Saints
AFC West - Chargers
NFC West - Rams
AFC East - Patriots
NFC East - Eagles
Wild Cards – Steelers, Jets, Falcons, Lions
Packers beat Chargers to repeat as champs.

Questions, comments or if you now go into convulsions upon the mention of conference realignment…

Butcher Me On The Court. Too Many Elbows To Report.

2011-09-06T17:29:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I was so looking forward to Hank’s questioning of Gus and it so delivered. You knew Gus would be calm, cool and collected. He was until Chile was brought up. And that look in the elevator leaving the police station was one of the best shots of the season. Whatever his Chilean thing was or who his family is gave him a reprieve from a bullet from Tio. Now Gus is making his last laugh against Tio a long, taunting one. Liked Steven Bauer as Don Eladio. Helluva flashback that you barely noticed was all in subtitles because it was just so gripping.
Walt is being all Walt again not trusting Jesse, which I can see. But you just know it’s going to end up with Walt doing something stupid that’s going to hurt one of them. I also have no idea why Walt thought Gus would be pleased if he didn’t slap that tracker on his car. Obviously Mike saw him so it’s not like Gus wouldn’t have known and just taken it off. I guess Walt wanted to ingratiate himself to Gus. Either way it allowed Gus to give us his trademark stoic Gus delivery in telling Walt to, “Do it.”
I’m pretty sure the entire viewing audience laughed or rolled their eyes when Walt told the other cancer patient to, “never give up control and live life on your own terms.”
Sad to hear about Saul’s 5th grade heartbreak.
Weird to see Marie not in purple.

--Best Breaking Bad/Curb Your Enthusiasm combo we’ve had this season. Curb was just straight brilliant in a season that has hit a couple of home runs. I mean the birth of “pret-ty, pret-ty, pret-ty good” and Bill Buckner in the same episode?! And lo and behold Buckner is actually a decent enough actor. Classic stuff especially as Buckner let insult after insult roll off of him like you know he’s done thousands of times before. I loved how beyond camp that fake baby looked.

We can’t forget Leon who was making “stupid sense” with those glasses. If there was a half-hour program that was only a picture of Leon I would watch it. On the DVD extras I want to hear Leon’s conversations with the ticket taker and the doctor.
Having said all of that I hope I never have sit though Ana Gasteyer and Susie climaxing in Larry’s passenger seat. The camera panning from Susie to Larry and back again was uncomfortable gold.
Leon - “This chair is the other f’n man!”
Robert Smigel as Yari was a nice turn and reminds me that it seems like it’s been too long since I’ve seen Triumph visit anywhere.

--Good stuff with The AV Club interviewing J.B. Smoove. Great story on how he got Leon and the luck involved along with an oral history of “get in that ass.” And seriously SNL it was down to J.B., Keenan Thompson, and Finesse Mitchell and you picked Keenan and Finesse over J.B.?!

--It’s nice to have the boys back in Charming where they belong. I don’t even want them going to an Irish bar this season. Solid premiere that set up this season’s chessboard nicely enough. I’m loving Rockwood Dunbar as the new cop in town. He was great on Terriers and will be here. The Deadwood/Shield ties continue with Ray McKinnon who was the crazy Reverend H.W. Smith on Deadwood. He looks like he’s taken his crazy with him from Deadwood to Charming. David Rees Snell, Ronnie from The Shield also new this season. I’m looking forward to a Ronnie/Lem reunion. I find it odd that Kenny Johnson is still listed as a special guest star even though he’s now in the club. Lem has already had one tragic death, I hope this isn’t foreshadowing of another.
I’m not sure how the ladies liked Jax chopping off his hair, but they threw the girls a bone with a little Charlie Hunnam nekkid but-tocks.
Not enough Tig in this one for me though the little he did get may give us a clue where he and Clay’s relationship is going.
Silly Russians. Although the thunder Potter is likely to bring down on SAMCRO for the death of a federal agent may turn out to not have been worth it. But you knew SAMCRO wasn’t just going to forgive and forget the Russians stabbing Jax.
Nobody plays knocking on death’s door like Dayton Callie. I hope Unser gets to help out one last time before kicking it. I liked the “Wild Black Hickok” reference to Hickok’s best friend on Deadwood.
All in all a nice start with some strong new opposition.

--Brock Lesnar and Alistair Overeem?! Sweet.

--And your winner for Most Creative at the State Fair of Texas is “Fried Bubblegum.” “Buffalo Chicken in a Flapjack” won Most Delicious. “Fried Salsa” was screwed.

--I am seriously addicted to Spotify and apparently Vitamin String Quartet. And thanks to @fidoz for s-l-o-w-l-y walking me through how to make my playlist public. So check out heydv on Spotify if you really enjoy artists like Slaughter, Ralph Tresvant, Kwame, Lords of Acid and musicians who helped me out with my Spanish grades in high school. You know, artists like Gerardo, Mellow Man Ace, and Kid Frost.

--Wilfred – “I swear the minute you take the di** out of bear’s mouth.”

--Nick DiPaolo with the best line from Louie last week: “You can’t talk to teenagers, especially girls. They're in a wilderness of hormones and bad ideas. All you can do is look at your watch and wait. And then around 16, they come out, and they either come out as people, or as whores.” It’ll be an interesting season finale as maybe Amy becomes a part of season three or not. Either way I’m sure it’ll be another great episode.

--Not much longer now until Community and Parks are back.

--We’re getting 7 and then 6 episodes of The Walking Dead as it splits its season. Hate that. Season premiere will be 90 minutes though. Like that.

--Gotta be tough to have a breast implant explode on you (in you?) during paintball.

--David Cross to Modern Family? Score.

--Texans, how ya gonna cut Dorin Dickerson the same week he tweet quotes Rocky V’s “Measure of Man”?!

--Quote of the Week (or last week if you want to be exact) is a pretty easy selection and comes courtesy of District Judge Kerry Russell who resides in Tyler. 17-year-old Corey Webb was appearing in front of the judge for shooting at a peace officer while he was escaping a juvenile detention center. Once the jury was taken out of the room Corey needed a bathroom break of his own. This shortly led to the judge telling Corey, “I don't know how you were raised, but peeing in a trash can in a state district courtroom is inappropriate behavior.”

--Remember when the Jaguars cut their presumed starting quarterback six days before their first game? Oh man, that was a good one.

Questions, comments or if you watched entirely too much U.S. Open over the weekend and actually find yourself pissed the bulk of the last two days have been rained out…

Four and three and two and one What up! And when I'm on the mic - the suckers run (Word!)

2011-08-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Saul – “That’s what the kids call epic fail.” Double epic fail for Gus this week. He’s got Hank after him, the non-negotiating cartel and maybe some ricin with his name on it. In other words, Gus is screwed. Great monologues in this episode, first from Jesse, shocker. Then Hank’s meeting with the DEA higher-ups. You knew Hank was going to Pollos for something and you knew what as soon as he asked for that refill. As much as Hank has been through physically it was nice for him to get a little moment where he controlled the room once again and could give his little dramatic “except” to introduce Gus’s fingerprints. When the DEA initially called Gus “a reach” as a suspect I wondered if all those police donations above the table also meant some under the table. I can’t tell whether that would be Gus taking care of future obstacles or if it would be Gus being sloppy. I can’t wait, and yet I can, to see if Gus goes down in one of the last two episodes or at least reveals to Hank that his hospital bills are being paid by Heisenberg. Hell, Gus can tell Hank that he was the one who gave him the heads up on “The Cousins” that probably saved his life. And surely Gus can Gus his way through an explanation of how his fingerprints came to be in Gale's apartment. What I’m saying is I can’t wait to see Hank and Gus sit down over a bucket of chicken.
Misdemeanor trash burning. Awesome.
And if there’s a show with a better opening scene every week I haven’t seen it. If Rage actually cut in the image of Gale being shot every once in a while then I’d probably be forced to buy it. Liked how we also got another example of vegan Gale. Fermented lentil bread joins vegan s’mores in Gale’s cookbook, the non-meth one.

--Just in time for Labor Day a $140 at Costco and you can get a Guy Fieri Marinated Meat Variety Pack that includes 14 pounds of Flavortown. Oh the joy.

--Screw Flavortown, it’s getting close to Frytown time with the Big Tex Choice Awards from The State Fair of Texas. The 8 heart attack inducing finalists:
Buffalo Chicken in a Flapjack – very simple, flapjack wrapped chicken strip coated in jalapeno breadcrumbs and fried.
Deep Fried Pineapple Upside Down Cake – yawn
Deep Fried Texas Salsa – finally. Salsa dipped in masa before being rolled in tortilla chips and fried. Like I wrote, finally.
El Bananarito – banana rolled up in a flour tortilla before hitting the fryer. Eh.
Fried Autumn Pie – also eh.
Fried Bubblegum – that’s what I’m talking about. A bubblegum flavored marshmallow fried and topped with some icing and powdered sugar. I can’t even imagine.
Hans’ Kraut Ball – yes, it has sauerkraut.
Walking Taco – essentially a frito pie. Bo-ring.

--In other disgusting cooking news, by now you’ve probably heard of the 21-year-old Russian chef who killed a man because he wanted to taste flesh in the form of meatballs and sausage. The full story here. Two things that jump out for me. One, “Nothing like this has happened in Murmansk in 20 years.” Uhhh, that’s not a lot of time between cannibal chefs. Two, “The accused faces up to 15 years.” Wait, murder and cannibalism is punishable for only up to 15 years?! What a country!

--Don’t know how I missed all these last week, but thankfully @bcstagg brought this tumblr to my attention.

--Props from Lost? Sweet. Props from Entourage? Uhh. Writing of Lost it sounds ol’ drunk, get back to the island Jack is back. Seriously Matthew Fox. How ya gonna take a swing at a female party bus driver and then proceed to get smacked by said bus driver?

--Will I buy Lay’s potato chips just because Coach Taylor does voice work on their commercials? Well, duh.

--A Blues Brothers TV pilot? No, thanks.

--I give this A.V. Club battle of LCD Soundsystem “All My Friends” covers between Baths and Tokyo Police Club to Baths. Being able to embed was the tiebreaker.

Baths cover LCD Soundsystem

--Danny Pudi showing up on Chuck at some point was a given.

--I’m not saying Texans fans are overconfident, but I was in a fantasy draft and the first defense off the board was Houston’s. In the 8th round.

--Did not expect the University of North Texas to have the nation’s first all-vegan, full-service cafeteria. Nice. I’d have spent more time on UH’s campus if it had a Radical Eats.

--You are missing out if you're missing @airelav2's monthly music reviews on Ape Donkey. I can almost fake my way through a music conversation.

--It’s very important when you have an argument with someone to actually end said argument and not leaving it hanging in the balance. Bonus if you get the last word. This man in Virginia accomplished both of those. The New York Daily News with the details:
“They were talking with the ex-wife when a deputy saw a white Ford Explorer towing a utility trailer. The trailer was on fire, and a man identified as her ex-husband was behind the wheel. Firefighters arrived, and authorities attempted to get the man to exit the SUV. That's when they noticed a cable tied to a nearby tree was wrapped around his neck.
Officers pleaded with the man to surrender, but instead he hit the gas. He was pulled from the vehicle, and his head was yanked clean off his body.”
A win’s a win...except when you Ned Stark yourself

--How has this not happened yet?

--Powers Boothe in on History’s Hatfields and McCoys miniseries is all I needed to know. Tom Berenger and Red Dawn writer Kevin Reynolds is just icing. Nice of History to broadcast a little something from, you know, history.

--90 minutes of Sons of Anarchy next week. Yes, please.

--I was getting my Sporcle fix in the other day when the category of Best Selling 2011 NBA Jerseys by Team came up. Some were easy like Kobe for the Lakers or Rose for the Bulls. For the longest time though I couldn’t answer for the Rockets. It ended up being none other than ~~Shawn~~ Shane Battier. There was zero chance I was ever going to guess Jonas Jerebko for the Pistons. I’m still not even sure if that’s a real person.

--The Houston Press turned me on to this place and you are seriously missing out if you live in or near Pearland and don’t hit up Thanh Phuong.

--Our Florida Story of the Week comes to us from Arizona. ‘Twas there 21-year-old Jessica Callaway was dealing with her crying 10-month-old daughter. And by dealing I mean yelling at her to shut up and slapping her. For some unknown reason that didn’t work so she decided to revert to her more natural motherly instincts which led her to blow marijuana smoke in baby’s face. Thankfully mommy’s roommate got the police involved. When asked what the hell she was thinking mommy said she was having a bad day and was having difficulty picking out an outfit for the night. Been there.

Questions, comments or if you’re pleasantly surprised Matthew Stafford is your common denominator among your fantasy teams…

You're caught now by the skin you're in. In a bind now your thoughts go to all your sins

2011-08-27T07:25:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I’ll never get tired of this…

--Top Chef: Just Desserts is back with several contestants with Texas ties including Rebecca Masson and Vanarin Kuch. I’m posting full recaps on Ape Donkey like I did with Food Network Star.

--Louie gave us an hour in Afghanistan and it couldn’t have been simpler or better. I mean seriously only Louie can go from a beginning filled with personal testicular descriptions and by the end be the sweetest hour of television I’ve seen this summer. Great stuff from the cheerleader to the country singer to the ducky. Louie has talked a lot about how much he enjoys the shooting process, different lenses, lighting, etc. and it’s all on display here. Just a beautiful, thoughtful hour of television that is more memorable because of what you felt watching it than for funny lines you remember from it. Well except for, “Can I keep just one duckling?”
Louie blogged about his trip and the section about his first show in Kuwait is a good place to start. He got to take one person with him and he chose Starburns as he and Louie are apparently best friends. Lots of hipster lens talk too if there’s such a thing as hipster lens talk. Also stories like:
“They explained that it was local custom to drink tea before any important meeting and to have small talk. I liked the tea. It was minty. Thats' the most boring thing I ever wrote.”
Couple of You Tubes of his USO shows here and here.

--Wilfred – “Are you kidding? Favorite music: All types. This chick must be like, an expert in music!”
Dwight Yoakam with a nice turn as a crazy who also sees and hears Wilfred. The show gets darker and darker the more we head down Ryan’s crazy lane.
Wilfred – “Angelique is an alcoholic blowjob machine..and you’re welcome.”

--Flavorwire.com came out with a list of “10 Songs That Have Been Ruined Forever by Advertisements.” It’s a slideshow so I didn’t click through. However I may kill someone if I hear that freaking “Opportunity. Opportunity. Knocking at your door…” again.

--Saw this one Eater and it is awesome. More of "Hipster Barista" here.

--If you feel like a good cry might I suggest these pictures of a Navy SEAL’s dog standing by his owner’s coffin.

--Grantland with a long piece on David Flair’s dad, guy by the name of Ric. Yeah, it's not a happy story. Lots of divorces, bad decision and debt. A whole lot of debt.

--Detailed rundown of the offerings at Minnesota’s State Fair, but being Minnesota they probably should have just left chocolate covered jalapenos alone. Especially if it only consists of taking a raw jalapeno dipped in low-grade chocolate. Seriously, $6.50 for three of those nasty things.

Yeah, no thanks.

--You’d think a guy who tried to use his foot as a brake for his truck and then proceeded to hit four cars would be drunk. No, he was sober and people actually saw him test out his Fred Flintstone brake system before he decided it was effective enough to attempt to drive. He was wrong.
That’s only the second craziest car accident of the week. Britni Morrison got high on bath salts before going on a demolition derby rampage in Indianapolis. She rammed everything from cop cars to a landscaping boulder before eventually getting trapped and yanked out of her car. She was laughing uncontrollably and spouting gibberish, but she managed to tell doctors she was using “bath salts.” I had no idea you could get high on bath salts.

--In blast from the fantasy past news, Larry Johnson is in Dolphins camp.

--I expect Wahlburgers out of Mark, but not you Donnie. C’mon.

--The most entertaining Sandra Lee has ever been.

--Good read from The AV Club on long-running fantasy series like a little story I like to call "The Song of Ice and Fire." Completely agree with the final line: The great paradox of the long-running fantasy is that we can’t wait for a conclusion, but we never want it to end.

--We may not have an In-N-Out or an upcoming Top Chef visit but McDonald’s knows what’s up with Houston. We’re the test market for its English Pub Burger which sounds like a regular bacon burger except with those English staples - American cheese and Dijon mustard.

--Approved.

--I hate Brian Kenny leaving ESPN for MLB Network and not just because I have no idea what channel MLB Network is. Who the hell is going to carry the boxing banner for ESPN now?

--This is the article you want to print out and anonymously post on the office’s bulletin board or your boss’s door because it contains quotes like, “Browsing the Internet serves an important restorative function.” It also contains words like “salubrious” which I don’t think I’ve even heard Charlie Palillo ever use.

--Writers from Friday Night Lights and Spartacus. The Rock. The 80’s. Wrestling. I won’t get my hopes up.

--This week on 50 Documentaries to See Before You Die it was 20-11 being spotlighted. I definitely need to watch Capturing the Friedmans. Touching the Void was solid. At 18 was Food Inc. Loved it even though my grocery bill has been higher ever since because ain’t no way I can buy regular ol’ eggs again. On the show though I could have done without them replaying the scene with the little chicks. I’ve seen Newark Mayor Cory Booker on Brick City, but didn’t know there was a doc featuring his initial run at mayor against what appears to be an incumbent straight from The Wire. Street Fight is that doc. I’m embarrassed to say I still haven’t watched Bus 174. City of God is an all-time favorite of mine, which makes my non-viewing of Bus 174 even worse. Fog of War is also a personal favorite of mine so I'm happy to see it break the top 15. Bowling for Columbine was 12. Looking forward to seeing these top ten. Mostly I'm looking forward to having the time to watch all these docs I never made time for before.

--I’m going to have to start watching Awkward on MTV aren’t I?

--The fact that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett are splitting is surprising, but not nearly as surprising as Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry lasting as long as they did.

--Nice little Where Are They Now? on the 15th anniversary of our introduction to the Camdens.

--There are bad ideas. There are terrible ideas. And then there’s remaking Romancing the Stone with Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. Wow.

--RIP Uncle Frank.

Questions, comments or if you spent all week doing mock drafts which sounds like a waste of time, but you also used the past five draft boards to create a chart listing tendencies noting variables such as drunkenness and, wow….I’m going to go reevaluate some life things…

Phone is Ringing, Oh My God.

2011-08-22T17:49:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Walt – “A guy opens his door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks.” Heisenberg laying the smacketh down.
Skyler - “Someone has to protect this family from the man who protects this family.” Even the Sklyer haters have to give her a little credit for playing the hard ass “bitch mom” role for the good of the family. I mean, it is true. Walt opening his drunk mouth two weeks ago at Hank’s was stupid and buying a flashy car for Walt Jr. wasn’t too bright either. Always talking about being a professional, just go to work and do your job Walt. Stop being a delusional drama addict who constantly has to prove how important and hardcore he is. Marsellus Wallace would say that’s just pride f'n with you. Don’t let pride take you down.
You think we’ll see Jesse make one of those drug runs guarding the blue buckets of Pollos Hermanos? Jesse has always needed a father figure and as square peg-round hole as it seems Mike is filling the role nicely. Love the way Gus is manipulating Jesse and Walt’s relationship. Although his job is made infinitely easier by Walt’s actions.
Just a fantastic episode from beginning to end.
By now I’m sure you’re aware that after this season we’ll have 16 more episodes of Breaking Bad and that’ll be that. Perfect. Storylines like this can’t go on forever without becoming weak and/or stale.

--I liked the back-to-back Wilfred blasts we got last week. The first one we got a little like mother like son complete with mom’s humanized cat, Mittens. Wilfred – “Mittens? Seriously? Yeah, keep walking Mittens.” Wilfred also helped Ryan understand bonding, “I had a similar situation with my penis and a vacuum hose. I had to cut the tube just to break free…” We needed to understand a little more about how Ryan got to be Ryan and this helped.
Wilfred vs. the neighborhood warlock disguised as a kid was awesome. The tag at the end with Wilfred failing to mimic the fake throw was the biggest laugh I had all week.
Bonus: Eric Stoltz, Mary Steenburgen and Rhea Perlman.

--I would say something about the Anthony Bourdain vs. Paula Deen/Rachael Ray beef, but it’s everything we heard from Bourdain several months ago and what he’ll repeat several months from now.

--If Words With Friends Got Specific. Hilarious.

--Oh how I missed thee Leon. Leon dropping knowledge left and right, “Bats and balls run the f'n world. Gloves can’t catch gloves.” And I hope this week on Top Chef: Just Desserts we see @sugar_fairy make a croissant filled with champagne that we can simply call "The Leon."
The only other thing that worked for me was seeing David Canary as the performance enhancing dealer. His Adam and Stuart Chandler is a first ballot soap opera hall of famer.

--Apparently things are not going well for a couple of oldies, but goodies from the wrestling world. New Jack and Terri Runnels had something going on for over a year, but it ended with I presume a 187 from New Jack off of a balcony. Apparently Terri took offense to New Jack running smack on Facebook and he’s also got some nude photos he says he should be able to share with the class. Craziest part of the story is New Jack occasionally does stand-up. I had no idea. Also how is New Jack even still alive?

Happier times. Ms. Runnels with quite the spectrum between Goldust and New Jack

--After some furious reading over the past few months I’m finally caught up on "The Song of Ice & Fire." Now I wait for book six. And wait. And wait. And wait. I don’t know how you people waited for six years between books 4 and 5. "A Dance with Dragons" was good and I liked it more than "A Feast for Crows," but it was no "Storm of Swords." It’s just amazing how vast of a world George R.R. Martin has created.

--Look what you’ve done now America. A live tour of The Real Housewives. Hope you’re happy.

--Chynna Phillips and Tiffani Thiessen on Dancing With the Stars?! It’s like all my early to mid 90’s dreams come true. Kristin Cavallari also in and I assume will be the one with the obligatory “celebrity” that has more than a dancing relationship with her partner.

--I’ll give credit where credit is due. Just when you think Weeds could not make you care less about Shane’s storylines they come up with his this season.
Silas vs. rival pretty boy/girl pot dealers – more of this.

--Thanks to Falling Skies I know that hitting a flying target with an RPG with zero training is A LOT easier than you might think it is. Aliens best think twice before coming down to this motherf’n planet.

--This R2-D2 Planetarium is outstanding.

Death Star included. Alderaan probably not.

--Disgusting Headline of Last Week: “So Many Flies at Burger King, Inspectors Wouldn’t Open Mouths.”
In happier Burger King-related news, the creepy BK King is dead.

--Always a big fan of the Camdens so I’m happy to see Stephen Collins get a role on The Office as Nard-dog’s dad.

--For the same reasons I waited to watch Waiting for Superman I kept putting off watching The Tillman Story. I knew it would just piss me off. Mission accomplished and that was only five minutes into it. By the time you work your way through the Jessica Lynch spin and the embarrassing display from the military brass in front of the timid House Oversight Committee you're . The truth. That’s all that was needed. The simple truth. And it would have been cool if you stuck with Army regulations and told the family as soon as you found out it was fratricide instead of waiting an additional 35 days. It wouldn’t have made Pat Tillman’s death any less meaningful. It would have given more of an ugly face to the war, but we’re big boys and girls. We know war isn’t pretty. So if you’re in the mood to get angry then I highly recommend The Tillman Story.

--Yeah, I think I’ll pass on the True Blood cookbook despite how tempting “Tara’s Bewitching Banana Souffle” sounds.

--Ridley Scott is going to take another run at Blade Runner?! Interesting. Equally as interesting is the prospect of Tony Scott at the helm for a remake of The Wild Bunch. It’s been far too long since I’ve revisited either of those.

--On the other side of the spectrum we have War Games being redone. There can be only one Joshua.

--I’ve barely followed the last few seasons of The Ultimate Fighter, but once it’s on FX and showing the preliminary fights live every Friday, well I’ll be back. I’m interested to see how UFC gets Fox-ified. Will that cartoon gopher Digger have a matcam? Dancing robot? Joe Buck? Okay, I’m sorry. It’s not cool to even joke like that.

--Former lingerie league football players are popping up everywhere. NASCAR has Maryeve Dufault who was also a former Price is Right model.

And Mikayla Wingle is from the upcoming season of Survivor.

Greatest #10 in LFL history? Debatable.

--Domino’s Artisan Pizza? Umm…am I supposed to be impressed each box is autographed?

--I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The new Thundercats is awesome.

--Awesome twitpic from New Orleans with Jason Momoa (Khal Drogo/Conan) and Michael Raymond James from Terriers.

--This sounds like some Final Destination stuff. A couple of NYC construction workers were doing their thing at the Staten Island hotel. The elevator they were using to haul construction supplies started going haywire perhaps because of the thunderstorm outside. If you are reading this in the state of Texas you may have to google “thunderstorm.” Eventually they got the elevator to go to the basement which unfortunately for them was filling up with water. Once the elevator hit the water it started to sink. Uh oh. The door wouldn’t open, water was rising, but they managed to call 911 except they weren’t sure of the exact address and then the, presumably AT&T, cell signal was lost. Sonuva! A couple of firefighters responded to the call and fortunately heard these guys screaming while they were standing on carts in neck-high water inside the elevator. Yeah, that wouldn’t be a good way to go.

Questions, comments or if your fantasy drafts centered around Ryan Williams in the late rounds…

Go upstate and get your head together. Thunderbird is the word and you're light as a feather.

2011-08-13T07:47:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--There’s really no replacing Lance Zierlein at 1560 or on Houston radio for that matter. I could go over all the reasons why, but you listened, you know why. 1560 hasn’t been 1560 in a while to me. I have a feeling that goes for most of you as well. I don’t think Lance can really grasp how much he’ll be missed in the mornings. He and Granato were there every morning for us for years and years. They were taken for granted when all the shit went down at 610. Remember how awful morning sports radio was for those months while we waited for the reunion up the dial? I like Granato, I like John Harris, I like Justice, but how is anyone supposed to listen to 1560 in the morning and not think, “This would be a lot better with Lance.” I also think a lot of listeners just straight up feel betrayed by a station that was supposed to be for the listener, by the listener and of the listener. Instead it couldn’t make it to a 4-year anniversary without turning into a CPOD. Such is life. I hope Lance finds a new home on the air soon because Houston radio wouldn’t be the same without him and his cast of characters. Seriously, without him people are going to start remembering just how long their drives in to work really are.

--The artist formerly known as JayDirt1560 (now @JayDirt_) is not taking this well…

--No one watched because there was football on Thursday night, but that was a brutal loss for the Little League kids from Pearland. Up 7-4 in the final inning, one out away from Williamsport and then the kids did their best Astros impression. Tough.

--In other, better Little League-ish news, if I said one of the Bad News Bears is running for Congress who would you guess it would be? Of course you’d guess Rudi Stein. David Pollock is the guy and I like what he surmised would have been Rudi’s career path, “He probably became an attorney specializing in children’s sports injuries.”

--I would be glued to my television for Stark Week.

--“Napoleon masturbated, Gandhi, Joan Jett, Shakespeare … ” What a shock. Another well done episode of Louie. Liz Holtan who played Ellen, the Christian Against Masturbation, was really good. The episode wouldn’t have been half as good without her eloquent delivery of words that on paper probably just read flat or silly. Hopefully the next time I hear classical music it won’t remind me of Louie sitting in his pleasure chair.
Elevator chick - "It's just, like, there are zero dicks in there."

“I have only the courage for a perfect life. Anything below perfect, I don’t want it … I don’t even wanna be cold in the winter.”
Word. Masturbation and suicide episodes go hand in hand on Louie.

--After Wilfred vomits, “Just leave it. I’ll eat it later.”
To me there were not many other highlights than that. I don’t know if I just don’t like Kristen the actress or her part. Probably a little of both. All I know is things just come to a screeching halt whenever she’s on the screen.

--AV Club takes an interesting look at Sid and Marty Krofft and one of my personal favorites, Land of the Lost. Every once in a while you just have to throw in a Land of the Lost DVD to sing along with the theme song, laugh at Chaka and remember Sleestaks, not zombies, are our biggest unseen enemy.

--Numbers 40-31 of the 50 Documentaries to See Before You Die were this week. At 40 was When We Were Kings which was really good stuff. More than any other sport boxing is perfect for movies/documentaries. Biggie and Tupac at 39. I thought it was fine. @Fidoz from ApeDonkey with much more on it and all these. I never saw March of the Penguins at 38 because I never joined the penguin propaganda parade. Inside Job at 37 was really good. It's embarrassing how financially ignorant I am, but this movie explained things in a way that even I could understand. The interviews were perfectly described by Henry Rollins as the filmmaker Charles Ferguson turning the screws slowly on his subjects until they got all pissed and huffy. So much fun watching these guys finally get called to the carpet. I’m thinking I need to watch number 36 Taxi to the Dark Side. Paragraph 175 at #35 and Tongues Untied at #33 don't do much for me. In between those is Brother's Keeper which looks fascinating enough to make my next watch since it's on Watch Instantly. #32 is another all-time favorite for me that has the best rewatch value of any doc I've ever come across, Dogtown and Z-Boys. It's basically an origin story of skateboarding set in the Santa Monica area when a bunch of teens and pre-teens took their surfing moves to the streets. I can't imagine any documentary ever producing a better soundtrack. Hendrix, Zeppelin, ZZ Top, Aerosmith, Bowie and the list goes on and on. Like The Kid Stays in the Picture it's remarkable how much still photograph material they have to play with in putting this together. In this case "they" is subject and director Stacey Peralta. If you've never seen this or feel like you have because you watched that crappy Lords of Dogtown do yourself a favor and watch the doc. I can't recommend it enough. I've known for a while that I need to watch Jesus Camp which is 31. Morgan Spurlock's meeting with Levi only reinforced that.

--I haven't kept up with the HBO documentaries this summer like I planned, but I loved this week's Superheroes. It tells the story of real-life "superheroes" who go around fighting crime in their own unique ways with their own unique costumes and names. The first guy we meet is Mr. Xtreme. What kind of fighting discipline does he employ? Glad you asked. It's a "super extreme death metal fighting system." Yeah, you're pretty much hooked from that point. Master Legend is a personal favorite out of all the heroes we meet because Master Legend has good crime fighting tips like, "When a man whips up a whopping thirst. That's what quenches it. Not some Kool-Aid." He's referring to the Busch Light he just chugged out of the back of his van. We're introduced to Conundrum who tells us he's a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu with six years experience of free running, parkour and gymnastics. He promptly counters that with a clumsy fall. The Vigilante Spider describes his superhero life which includes a girlfriend so the director asks, "So you have a girlfriend?" Awkward pause. Vigilante Spider, "Ehh, I was speaking metaphorically."

--Because Bobby Flay doesn’t have his own channel yet he’s joining Worst Cooks in America not to be confused with Food Network Star.

--Aaron Sanchez is fine on Chopped, but the other Amazing Race-ish show wasn’t good and this Heat Seekers isn’t much either. Anyway Aaron will be in Houston in September to help transition the House of Blues restaurant into Crossroads. Apparently all HOB’s are getting a food makeover.

--Tinker from Friday Night Lights is going to be Mercedes’ boyfriend on Glee?! How did I never notice Tinker’s name is actually Tinker.

--I like this list of apps local chefs use. I'm a big fan of Ratio.

--The NFL is back, at least in preseason form, but the Tackle of the Week belongs to a police dog in Cedar Rapids. ‘Twas there that UW-Milwaukee point guard Kaylon Williams was getting pulled over while driving a friend’s car. He tried to be slick. It wasn’t a good idea. Kaylon pulled over and then when the cop got out of the car Kaylon took off again and was off-road and occasionally on-road driving before slowing the car down enough to take off running. Kaylon lost the cops temporarily and when they spotted him again they released a police K-9 on him. Yeah, the dog “tackled” him shortly thereafter. The dog couldn’t have taken much pride in it though considering he later found out Kaylon was nearly three times over the legal limit. There’d probably be less crime if the police had direwolf units to deploy.

--Uh, no thanks Big Lead. I have no desire to click on a headline that reads, “83-year-old great grandma gets breast implants.” However I will click on DearPhotograph.com. Very cool.

Questions, comments or if you're watching way too much preseason football...

He drinks where he lies. He's covered with flies. He's got the hand me down Pumas and the tie dyes.

2011-08-10T16:15:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--In never take a renewal for granted news…FX renewed Sunny, Louie and Wilfred. I watched the first four Australian episodes of Wilfred and the more things change (boy-girl situation) the more they stay the same (Wilfie-Bear situation). The music is different and I actually like it more. Other than that it’s bizarreness as usual.
Wilfred - "I pride myself on having an answer for everything. You ask me any question."
Adam - "Okay I'll ask you a question. What is the domino effect?"
Wilfred - "Dunno. Next!"
Despite being a dog in Australia Wilfred has a good handle on nachos.

--Terrific opening scene from Breaking Bad with Mike in the back of the truck fending off would-be hijackers. Although Mike seems a little old and too important to be a guard in the back of a delivery truck.
Gale doing karaoke. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Of course Gale has a recipe for vegan s’mores. I paused it when they showed the recipe and that has to be the most trouble to go to ever for a freakin’ s’more. I didn’t even know “vegetarian gelatin” was a thing.

Jesse is the definition of not. giving. a. fu**. He needs some tough love which I imagine is the only love Mike is aware of. Hopefully wherever Mike is taking him a new Jesse will emerge from the other end because a smile before the end of the season would be nice.
Walt – “Where’s the I slept with my boss bulletpoint.” Yeah, Skyler can be overbearing and annoying, but the details are her thing and she feels pressure to make sure Walt has the details down despite his nonchalant attitude. Just like Walt feels pressure to make sure Jesse has the details down despite his whatever attitude.

--Curb was just gold this week and it was a great way to get Larry to New York. Way to see the lie through Larry. The “chat and cuts” and “pig parkers” were great, but the most hilarious part was the final shot of Richard Lewis at the restaurant waiting for Larry.
Also hilarious when Vance was trying to tattle to Susie and Jeff’s defense consisted of nonsense like, “HOSE? I don't have a hose! Your helicopter ride? Why would you tell us about that now?”

--If you didn’t go out of your way to watch UFC 133 last Saturday, good move by you. Everyone knew Rashad would handle Tito, but Tito did give it his best shot and it was entertaining. In the end though Tito just fought five weeks ago, he’s too old and oh yeah, he’s not nearly as good. Other than that the fact that the banana hammocked Dennis Hallman was the talk of the night tells you what kind of card it was.

--Finally Mary Beth is out of our Food Network Star lives. I never understood why the judges liked her so much since she couldn’t, you know, cook. Seems like that’d be a high priority. I think Vic gets eliminated in the opening camera challenge next week because cameras aren’t kind to Momma’s Boy. That’ll leave Susie and Jeff. I think it’s a toss-up, but Jeff gets a show out of this either way.

--George Clooney and Stacy Keibler?! I remember the days when she was just a young Nitro girl in this mixed up crazy world that pitted the nWo against WCW. Writing of, great sporcle the other day that wanted the 43 nWo members. 43?! I got 25 and was pretty happy because there’s no way I was going to get the nine or so Japanese members or guys like V.K. Wallstreet or Rodman. Hadn’t seen Nick Patrick’s name in a while. Completely forgot about Fake Sting.

I expected to hate The American when I flipped it on out of boredom the other day. My expectations were so low that they were actually surpassed. Still if I was wasn’t working out at the time I probably would have fell asleep during it.

--Office meets Dallas opening credits is gold.

--Emeril is a new judge for Top Chef Texas?! Did I miss something? Obviously it’s ridiculous for Top Chef to visit three Texas cities without any of them being named Houston. On the other hand maybe I don’t want Top Chef coming to town with Tom Colicchio on a horse and Padma wearing a cowboy hat the whole time. Well actually Padma in a cowboy hat is fine. But you know what I mean.

--Fast Times at Ridgemont High is now out in Blu-ray as if the Phoebe Cates swimming pool scene couldn’t get any better.

--Roy Williams the safety is in Storage Wars?!

--The Big Picture, as you might expect, has some insane photos from the London riots. I'm not sure what the hell the guy is doing in #16.

--The question isn’t why is Gordon Ramsay trying to trademark “Fat Cow” in the UK, but how doesn’t he already own it?

--The new season of Sesame Street (No. 42 if you’re scoring at home) is going to have Mila Kunis, Sofia Vergara, and Joel McHale among others?! Glee and Deadliest Catch spoofs as well. Those have to be better than the True Blood spoof, “True Mud.” A full list of guest stars here. The new season begins September 26th. Neither of the two athletes on the list are Arian Foster who would be outstanding on this show. Drew Brees and A’mare Stoudemire are the two.

--I’ve said it before, but I’m pretty sure the second season of Boardwalk Empire is going to kick the crap out of season one.

--If you were randomly flipping through channels Monday night and heard a woman say “cut his balls.” That was Basketball Wives. Yeah apparently Erik Williams is persona non grata among his ex and her friends.

--Seth Rogen on the The League should be good and since he’s Raffi’s friend Seth’s airtime shouldn’t cut into Raffi’s and I think we can all agree we need a little more Raffi this season.

--William Goetzee of New Orleans had a suicide wish. Trying to take a gun from a federal agent didn’t work so after some mental health evaluations he was put on “suicide watch” in the Sheriff’s Office psychiatric tier in an LSU hospital. “Suicide watch” implies that the subject will be watched. Apparently no one watched William literally eat toilet paper to death.

--Teacher/student sex stories have become so commonplace over the last 10 years that there’s not much new ground to break. Mrs. Brittni Colleps formerly of Kennedale High in the Arlington, Texas area tried her best though. To start with she has possibly the dumbest spelling of Brittni ever. She’s married. She has three children. She’s charged with not one, not two, but five counts of an improper relationship. Five different male students all on the same day. She’s special, this one. Her husband is standing by her, at least for right now. Something about sleeping with five teenagers in one day seems like the start of “irreconcilable differences.”

Questions, comments or if you don’t know how you got here…

To Send My Rhymes Out To All Nations. Like Ma Bell, I've Got The Ill Communications.

2011-08-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Morgan Spurlock’s five-part series of 50 Documentaries to See Before You Die started this week with 50-41. At #50 was the awesome Spellbound which should have been higher up than Madonna’s Truth or Dare. I also think #48 should have been much higher up. That was The Kids Stays in the Picture. Robert Evans remains the coolest. That’s probably in my top five docs of all-time. Loved every second of it the five times I’ve seen it. Numbers 47-44 I had never seen. Those included One Day in September, Little Dieter Needs to Fly, Decline of Western Civilization: The Metal Years and Burma VJ. Little Dieter sounds like a Netflix add. Spike Lee’s When the Levees Break was 43. 42 was Catfish which I didn’t like as much as most people and I don’t really consider it a documentary. At number 41 was the classic King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters. As Morgan ran down the list he was heading to Orlando International Airport to meet the man, the myth, the Billy Mitchell. In the four years since King of Kong was released Billy has changed exactly zero. Same haircut, same tie, same arrogance. In other words, awesome. Billy has his own little arcade in the airport, but it doesn’t even have Donkey Kong or any classic game for that matter. It does, however, have Billy’s famous hot sauce in bottles as a prize in the claw game which is so Billy. Billy maintains he’s never seen one second of King of Kong. Yeah right. A man with that ego has that bad boy running on a loop somewhere inside his house. Good stuff so far from this show and now I know where Current TV is located. It’s in that mysterious land that holds many channels I never knew I had because they don’t end in HD.
@fidoz of ApeDonkey with a more comprehensive review.

--Writing of docs I enjoyed the four NFL docs on the new Hall of Famers though by far my favorite was Ed Sabol’s. It’s actually a little silly it took this long for him to be inducted. I don’t think you can overestimate the impact he had on the league while it was struggling for America to notice it. Great insight into how and why he wanted to show faces, slow motion, have John Facenda voiceover, etc. Deion Sanders’ was pretty good as well. So many good highlights and stories from his competitors and teammates. And how can you ever forget those M.C. Hammer “2 Legit 2 Quit” days? Hammer talked about how he and Jerry Glanville “connected.” Shocker.

Oddly no mention of Deion's music career.

--Nothing surprised me more this week than hearing Matt and Adam discuss how Seth Wand is in Raiders camp. What. The.

--I was wondering how Dane Cook was going to work in on Louie and I should have known it would be honest and brilliant. Great segment with both guys stating their arguments with both making good points, but Dane still seems delusional to the idea that he may have accidentally used jokes he’s heard in the past. Credit to him for doing the show. That can’t be Cook’s real security team, right? That’s more than Goldberg had for his WCW entrances.

--Chrissy Teigen is pretty much awesome. Looks, wit, common sense and cooking skills all on display in Esquire.

--I’m down with this American Horror Story upcoming on FX and not just because Connie Britton is in it although that certainly doesn’t hurt.

--Wilfie – “Now that I met Raffi how can I go back to bear? I mean sure Bear paid my way through obedience school, but does that mean I have to be unhappy for the rest of my life?” Wilfred flashing Monopoly money to Raffi was classic. He was on fire with his courtship of Raffi and relationship turmoil with Bear. I hope I never have to hear Jane Kaczmarek talk about her “wabbit hole” again.
Wilfie – “Jobs are for immigrants.”

--Cool look at how some of the special effects of Game of Thrones were shot. I’m now halfway through the latest book and I seriously don’t know what I’m going to do with my time after I turn the last page. Oh yeah, football, whew.

--Andie MacDowell looks fantastic for 53. I can’t believe she’s old enough to have a 21-year-old daughter, but I can believe that said daughter is hot.

--Obviously this Rachael Ray vs. Guy Fieri Celebrity Smackdown is among the worst Food Network ideas ever. I just hate to see favorites from long ago like Cheech and Lou Diamond Phillips in this debacle. Other “celebrities” include Joey Fatone, Aaron Carter, Summer Sanders, Miss USA 2011, Taylor Dane? and Coolio. Oh the joy.

--Hey are you gonna eat that?

Uhhh, nevermind.

--No offense HBO, but I’d rather have Scott Bakula and Andre Braugher than Ed Burns and Michael Rappaport.

--My initial thought was why the fu** would I want to read an interview with Joe Piscopo? Then I read it. Good stuff.

--Not solely because Major Winters from Band of Brothers is in it, but Homeland looks pretty strong.

--Why wouldn’t Val Kilmer have a Tumblr? He owned Jim Morrison and Doc Holliday like nobody ever will again.

--Someday when I’m rich I’m going to hit Revival Market a few times a week. I had some “filet” of watermelon the other day and it was damn good. Sticky, sweet goodness with the look of watermelon jerky. Best aftertaste to have lingering during this slightly hot summer.

--Interesting read in The Hollywood Reporter on AMC’s woes. Why you’d ever ask Breaking Bad to cut a season down from 13 to six or eight episodes is beyond me. @bcstagg told me last week critics didn’t like the Hell on Wheels pilot and the article echoes that sentiment.

--Oh so now it’s frowned upon to try and split atoms in your kitchen. Pft, whatever.

--Only two parts and four hours worth of the wedding of the century between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries on E!? I think as a nation we deserve, nay, demand more coverage.

--Legos + LCD Soundsystem + All My Friends = Awesome.

Questions, comments or if you didn’t think you’d be DVR’ing All My Children again, but then you didn’t think David Hayward was keeping all the people who’ve died over the years alive…