My noggin is hoggin all kinds of thoughts. Adam Yoggin is Yauch and he's rockin of course.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Like every red-blooded American my expectations were sky high for "Blackwater." So high I fully expected them to not be met. By God(s) I was wrong. What an episode of television! That’s right a motherlovin’ exclamation point!

Terrific idea to throw us right into the throes of battle with Stannis’ fleet approaching and then the greatest drumline ever. The fighting nearly beginning internally with a strong scene between Bronn and The Hound. It must be fun for George R.R. Martin to write some scenes for characters who have blossomed more on the screen than the pages of a book like Bronn.

As great an episode as it was for the battle itself, it wouldn’t have been an A++ if it wasn’t for Lena Headey’s drunken, innuendo-laden, half-advice, half-mocking behavior in the Red Keep. What a delightful bitch. Not that that’s news, but wow she gets such pleasure out of her torment.

I think everyone was curious to see how they were going to use the wildfire and the answer was “awesomely.” I thought it was a clever use and it looked really good as it blew up a lot of the fleet and sent Davos flying through the air. Liam Cunningham has really crushed his scenes as Davos. I just wish there was more throughout the season.

Hound hate fire. Fire burn Hound. Hound no fight.

Tyrion – “Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let’s go kill them!”

HALF-MAN! HALF-MAN! HALF-MAN!

Tyrion – “Oh fuck me.”

Peter Dinklage probably just sewed himself up another Emmy with that scene that sports teams need to start figuring out how to use at their stadiums. My only problem with Tyrion was that unless you read the books I think it was difficult to figure out who that was who sliced him. In the books Tyrion had Kingsguard fighting by his side and Ser Mandon Moore was one of them and when he turned against Tyrion it was a holy crap moment, but unless you paid really close attention to when Joffrey told Ser Mandon to fight in his place you didn’t know the significance of who that was. Now we do know who Podrick m’f’in Payne is. I think you also had to be paying close attention to realize that it was Loras Tyrell sweeping in with Tywin Lannister to finish the fight Tyrion took to Stannis.

King Joffrey and the man who would be king, Stannis, have so much in common. Stannis is the first up the ladder while Joffrey is the first to leave. They both have awesome sword names like Lightbringer for Stannis and Hearteater for Joffrey. Seriously, Hearteater. How very Joffrey of Joffrey. #redsmile

Bravo Game of Thrones. Bra-f’n-vo.

--Jaguar, but at what cost? Another holy crap Mad Men. Holy crap how does Pete Campbell sit in chairs with all that slime all over him? I guess you could say that about all the boys this week. Just terrible. I’m not sure if I’ve drawn a line between Joan’s prostitution being simply heartbreaking or simply out of character. Joan has grown stronger and stronger each season that I find it a little hard to believe that because the refrigerator is broken and so on and so forth she’s going to so quickly think that blatantly whoring herself out is her only option. However you feel about Joan the character’s actions, Christine Hendricks the actress was fantastic.

Don wanted no part of the pimp plan, but he had his share of stupid man behavior when he tossed that cash in Peggy’s face and wouldn’t give her the pat on the back that would keep her from exploring her options. Hate to see Peggy go and surely she’ll still be on the show in some way. We already had the punch to the gut knowing that Joan went through with it and then Don and Peggy’s goodbye with Don holding onto her hand kissing it was the 2 of the 1-2 punch. Then again it was nice to see Peggy smile at the elevator. The gang continues to fracture and I assume we’re not done. Is Megan going to get a part that takes her away for months? Is Joan going to breakdown? More importantly is the refrigerator going to breakdown again? Is Lane going to be found out? Is someone going to slap Pete for ignoring lovely Trudy? Is Roger going to take Bert to a Ravi Shankar concert?

--Paralyzed from the waist down?! Damn, Paul Williams, damn.

--You know how you hear stories where a guy goes into the hospital for a kidney stone and the doctors tell him that despite his external package he has internal female sex organs? No? Well apparently that shit can happen. That’s one enlightening kidney stone, especially for the guy’s wife and children.

--This “Camp Esquire” you speak of, where may one apply?

--Move over Ima and Boss I have a new favorite Hogg. Nice history lesson from The Houston Press.

--The “South Beach Cannibal” sounds like it was pulled from Dexter’s writing room. Damn you bath salts! I knew the cause of the inevitable zombie outbreak was already among us.

--How many cars do you think you’d have gone through by now if you rammed it into a fast-food place every time the restaurant forgot something in your order? Michael Smith of Ohio is probably leading you 1-0. I would put this all on Michael, but what person can be held responsible for their actions when shorted a taco at Taco Bell. I mean you can’t exactly buy another one or try to rationally explain you were shorted a taco. He really had no choice except which wall to go through.

--Modernist Cuisine at Home coming out October 8th? I’m down.

--Good luck to Pepper Jack's as it takes on the tough task of being a downtown restaurant.

--As I was nibbling on some chips at Ninfa’s on Navigation, still full from my breakfast tacos at Villa Arcos, satisfied by my decision to go for the tacos instead of something for breakfast at Dona Marie, and wondering if I should finally hit Merida like my mom keeps telling me to I thought to myself, “Self, this street could really use a Tex-Mex restaurant.” So obviously I’m glad East Downtown’s prayers have been answered with another El Tiempo.

--Until yesterday I had never heard of the Astros Walk of Fame, but J.R. Richard really does deserve to get his number retired.

--Yeah, @BaxFootballGuru blows up your timeline, but it’s an easy scroll through to me if it’s in bunches and it does catch my eye (eyes?) sometimes. The last five seasons looking at NFC West records. So 20 opportunities for teams in there to finish above .500. How many times in the last five years do you think any NFC West team finished above .500? Rams = 0. Seahawks = 1. Cardinals = 2. Niners = 1. Four times in 5 years has a team, ANY TEAM, in the NFC West finished over .500. Wow.

--You don’t honestly expect me to believe Shaun White and Bar Rafaeli, right?

--Screw you David Stern.

--Oh so putting 90 Lyrica, 37 Adderall, 50 Valium, 43 Trazadone, 10 Ambien, 26 OxyContin pills and four bags of heroin in a condom and sticking said condom where the sun don’t shine before you walk into jail is frowned upon? Ugh, life has so many rules. Andrea Amanatides will have plenty of time to learn the rules. In her defense she was going to prison for six months so clearly she needed her own pharmacy. Now she’s got to rough it. Obama’s America.

--Am I supposed to be surprised Kathie Lee Gifford asked Martin Short how he and his wife (deceased since 2010) still make each other laugh after all these years? Oh yeah, that’s surprising. Almost as surprising as Marcus Jordan tweeting to the masses instead of DM’ing a porn star about how he has more $ for her.

--Anthony Bourdain certainly won’t hurt CNN’s ratings once he moves over there next year. I still need someone to explain to me what Piers Morgan's appeal ever was.

--Our “Then What’s the F’n Point” Headline of the Week: Scientists invent ‘cannabis without the high.’

--Hell yeah, if this James Kirkland vs. Canelo Alvarez fight happens in September.

--RIP Johnny Tapia.

Questions, comments or if you don’t think it’s a coincidence you started paying attention to the Astros and they promptly dropped six straight…

More Adidas sneakers that a plumber got pliers. Got more suites that Jacoby & Meyers.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I have never heard Rebecca Black’s “Friday” and have no idea what “Call Me Maybe” is. Now I’m starting to question if I even exist.

--I finally finished some none-Thrones, none-Walking Dead reading material. "The Big Bankroll: The Life and Times of Arnold Rothstein." A much more interesting book than I was expecting. That era in New York with Tammany Hall and all the gangsters who played their gangster roles and all the judges and cops who also played gangster roles. Such vast corruption that made the 1919 World Series fix look like small potatoes. The only difficult thing about reading the book is that it has soooo many characters to keep track of that it’s easy to get lost in a sea of names and nicknames. Of course being a Boardwalk Empire watcher I kept track of the names most interesting to me – Lucky Luciano, Meyer Lansky, Harry Daugherty, and Waxey Gordon. Then there are the names that you know from history – Roosevelt, Thomas Dewey, John McGraw, Fannie Brice, Jack Dempsey, etc. Rothstein had a hand in every pocket while rarely reaching into his own. He was worth millions and lost his life over a $51,000 debt. His Boardwalk Empire character barely scratches the surface of A.R., but his mannerisms and personality seem to be spot on with what’s described in the biography. I’ve said it before, but I’d love for Tammany Hall to get a Boardwalk Empire-style treatment someday. Fascinating time. The book is full of priceless quotes, but toward the end when the book does a sort of “where so and so ended up” there’s this snippet of an interview with party girl Lillian Lorraine after her party years were over.

“[Ziegfeld] had me in a tower suite at the Hotel Ansonia and he and his wife lived in the tower suite above. And I cheated on him, like he cheated on [his wife] Billie Burke. I had a whirl! I blew a lot of everybody’s money, I got loaded, I was on the stuff, I got the syphilis, I tore around, stopped at nothing, if I wanted to do it I did it and didn’t give a damn. I got knocked up, I had abortions, I broke up homes, I gave fellers the clap. So that’s what happened.”

“Well Miss Lorraine,” came the response, “if you had it to do over would you do anything different?”

“Yes,” said Lorraine. “I never shoulda cut my hair.”

--Starting Friday June 8th Starz is going to start showing every Spartacus from Gods of the Arena to Blood and Sand to Vengeance. If for some strange reason you have not seen then I highly recommend. They’re showing them chronologically which will be odd because the first few episodes of Blood and Sand weren’t exactly, you know, good as the show was still finding its footing.

--I love this quote from Dr. Rami Khoury regarding that 14-year-old who bit into his Arby’s junior roast beef sandwich only to find a finger, “If a person chews or finds in food a small human dismemberment, the risk of infection is almost zero.” See, no biggie.

--The Game of Thrones cast cleans up pretty well. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Joffrey and not wanted to risk jail time for murder. It’s hard to recognize Dany too as a brunette and without her going through her trademarked “I am Daenerys Targaryen…” spiel.

Dany?  Is that you? 

--I think I had to read "The Great Gatsby" twice for school and neither time I liked it, but then nothing could ever top "Where The Red Fern Grows" as school reading assignments go. However, the book didn’t have Kanye doing music for it which I think was always a big regret of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s.

--So much negativity and cynicism in the world so let’s get to a warm fuzzy story. In Cleveland John Davis saw a panhandler in a wheelchair and, having a brother who’s paralyzed himself, John thought he’d give this guy a couple bucks. So John rolled up a couple of bills and as he approached he handed the man the money. The down on his luck man dropped one of the dollars, but bent over and picked it up. Nice story. Don’t know why I decided to put it in the ‘Tribes. Wait, oh yeah, John was pulled over by a cop and ticketed for “littering from a motor vehicle.” More specifically the ticket says “throw paper out window (money to panhandle).” When asked WTF? the cop was kind enough to reply “take it up with the courts.” What a sweetheart. I don’t know why cops have such a bad reputation?

--We all know money rules the world, especially the college athletics world. A Stanford donor, um, donated money to get the school to now recognize the offensive coordinator as the Andrew Luck Director of Offense. I like it though I'm not sure it knocks off Astros Director of Decision Sciences as job title of the year. 

I’d have called you crazy six weeks ago if you told me I’d be looking at the NL Central standings every day come late May.

--There I was writing about Lost earlier this week not knowing it was two years ago last Wednesday since the finale aired and Jack started drinking and punching female bus drivers in their female bus driver private parts. I think I’ll pop the tops on some Dharma beers this weekend and cherry pick some episodes to re-watch starting with “The Constant.” Penny + Des 4evs.

--Two more thoughts on Maxim’s Hot 100 that I neglected to share earlier this week. One, I had no idea Adrianne Palicki was in GI Joe: Retaliation so I was wrong about saying she hasn’t been seen lately. Though that movie’s release has been pushed to 2013 so sucks for you if you picked it in your summer movie fantasy league. Two, Alison Brie wasn’t in it. AT ALL. Neither was Joel McHale for that matter.

Oh and I’ll spare you the AARP Sexiest Over 50 list seeing as how Madonna is on it and Julia Louis-Dreyfus isn’t.

--I’ll be taking my shrimp in humitas form for a while. This from Samba Grille’s new happy hour menu. Three of those bad boys for $7 and you’re set.

--The headline “Man with zebra, parrot in truck charged with Operating While Intoxicated” seems odd until you look at Jerald Reiter’s mugshot. Then it all makes a lot of sense.

--Most times those loud, obnoxious people in movie theaters deserve a punch. It’s one of the main reasons I only go to the theater for Christopher Nolan or Tyler Perry movies. 21-year-old Yong Hyun Kim had enough and so threw his drink at someone and punched him in the face. Good for you Yong. The person he punched was a 10-year-old boy. Oh. Yeah, that might have been an overreaction Yong. How bad the 10-year-old and his two friends were acting is up for debate. Now for the important part. Care to guess which movie these youngsters were watching? Titanic 3-D, which apparently has much broader appeal than I gave it credit for.

--Kix and Reese's Puffs are pretty much crap cereals so this is by far their biggest contribution to humanity.

--Look Astrodome, I love you and all, but half a billion to improve you and construct a new Reliant Arena is just dumb. Not as dumb as paying the consultants who came up with this $500,000 but still pretty dumb. And how exactly is there still almost $30 million to pay off from the 1987 renovation?! Since when is Reliant Arena any kind of priority?! I’m beginning to come around to the same revelation that John Royal has here. It might be just time to Old Yeller it. It’s not as if creative, logical people are ever going to be put in charge of deciding what to do with it.

Oh and Bob McNair now’s not the time to mention not having “adequate funds” for Reliant upkeep. If you feel you’re short $5.5 million well look in your f’n couch cushions.

--Drudge Report headline I don’t see myself clicking on: “Japanese artist cooks own genitals, serves to diners.”

--Probably going to bring the thunder down on you if you show up to your high school wearing all black and carrying a duffel bag. Nicholas Fout and another student at an Ohio school did just that. In the bag was everyone’s worst nightmare. Yep, chickens. They started releasing the chickens to cause the chaos that only poultry can so at that point every student’s safety was in God’s hands. Well until the students got a hold of the cuddly, cute chickens and started showing them off to each other. Nicholas only released 7 of the 12 chickens he brought before realizing the chickens weren’t turning themselves into feathery missiles of havoc. Yeah, Nicholas was charged with disorderly and inducing cuteness…I mean panic.

Questions, comments or if you woke up at 6 and read two hours of worth of fantasy football crap…